How past things can still hurt

First of all, I want to say, I never felt something like "love" or that I belong to this family, either. I am a single child of a police officer and my mum who works at a shop. I am a lesbian masochist, and I have dependent personality disorder and self-defeating personality disorder, but that's the "fault" of my dad. He is the cause of why I can't see anything else than bad in men. I am way scared of them, but I try to live beside them.
He always abused me. He hurt me and never had been a "good father" to me, his daughter. My mom said, he was alright.
Nobody wants to hear me and I am sure there are lots of girls out there, like me. So it is nothing special being hurt. Even today, he still hurts me. He says, he is going to kill me, one day, he never wanted me and he hates me. He call me idiot and asshole. Sometimes whore. He doesn't like what I became, but it's his fault. He never told me what love is and my mother had no time and didn't wanted to do anything against this. But I don't deserve this "love" or I would have had a better chance...

Annasabetha, of course it matters that you're being hurt. How are you now? You haven't been on the site for a while. Your father has no right to abuse you and your mother should protect you.