If anyone can help me please??? My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months over the course of a year and a half (we dated, broke up and back together). My girlfriend was in a 7 year physically and emotionally abusive relationship (don't know maybe more than just that). From age 17-24 and he was a cop...
I don't know much about what she went through at all, she absolutely doesn't want to talk about it. She has volunteered a minimal amount of the story just so I am aware and understand why she is the way she is. She just moved in with me and I am the first guy she has lived with since. She has been out of that relationship for 3 years now, but there is many signs that she isn't in a good place entirely at all yet.
I bought a highly recommended book on domestic violence (a workbook actually) in order to understand what she has been through and also offered the book to her to read, which she agreed to do. It was a great book and i hope she does actually read it, but it didn't help me in the way of knowing how to help her heal. Or how to react when she gets unreasonably upset about things I do that are normal and anyone else getting upset wouldn't even be a normal response.
We have talked about going to a therapist as a couple and also her individually. She says she is not comfortable with it of course, but wants to do it if it will help our relationship. She has said this is very important to her and has even brought up the subject herself, without prompting. She is really a super great girl, but she has a very short temper and is on edge a good majority of the time.
It's weird because it seems like it's only with me too, she is as sweet as can be with strangers and others, yet she says I mean the world to her. Sometimes or maybe most of the time I feel like i have to walk on egg shells so as to not upset her. It seems like I even annoy her a lot of time and I am not even doing anything abnormal or clingy or anything. I usually just give her her space. I'm sure she has many "triggers" as I have learned, but I don't know all together what they are and am usually left confused about what just happened.
Since she has moved in, she insists on sleeping on the couch, for the last couple of weeks since she has been here. Even though we have had sex and it seemed to go amazing, albeit once, but not since she has moved in. Not that that is the main concern for me here though, more so the lack of intimacy and affection. She can be very distant and even cold at times. I've done everything in my power to accommodate her and let her know that this is "our"place, making her feel as comfortable and safe as I possible can. I have been trying to find a descent therapist, but again not having any experience in this area, it's been very difficult finding one that will help more than make matters worse.
If anyone can help advice wise or point me in the right direction, it would be greatly appreciated!?!?
Btw I have called local women's shelters to get recommendations for therapists and they weren't much help at all... I live in Long Island NY