Hello, this is my first entry here.
I have borderline, I'm recovering from bulimia nervosa.
I've been together with my SO for about 2 years. We've had a tumultuous relationship - to say the least - it comes with the territory. Regardless of my condition, we had been together happily for most of the time. Lately, however, I've been lashing out. Badly. He discovered I had relapsed into my bulimia and decided he couldn't be with me because I was so selfish to have relapsed. I - apart from his influence - decided that in order to progress in life that I had to move on from this disorder no matter how difficult. Unbeknownst to him we got back together, but my behavior was still erratic.
We went out the other night with his friend to a very crowded bar. I told my SO at the beginning of the night that I had forgotten my phone at home (I had actually made a call from his cell to order our food at the beginning of the night). The bar was so crowded that once we got inside, we never found each other. I ran into a mutual friend about 2 hours into our stay at the crowded bar, and he had mentioned that my SO and his friend left. I walked back to his car in a hurry hoping to catch them before they drove off, only to find his car still parked.
I waited for over an hour, freezing with no jacket, for them to arrive. I understand that I did not tell him to meet me at his car if we got separated, but I was so upset. I felt abandoned, alone, and a complete wreck. I wanted to walk home on my own accord, but my experience with that in this city is one of assault - mind you I had pepper-spray in hand the entire time.
I had a hunch where my SO might be, so I went there, found him and immediately punched him in the face.
He said he had called me several times throughout the night, and I feel awful about hitting him, but had he listened to me he would have know that calling me would have been useless because I told him I didn't have my phone at the beginning of the evening.
I've apologized, but I feel like we shouldn't even be talking anymore. Even if he understands my instability and his role in provoking some sort of reaction, my actions are insane and no one deserves to be abused.
I don't know what to do.