Abusive Sister

Ok I can explain 99.9999999999% of this to karma. I used to beat my little sister, but I stopped because it made her cry and such. Now, 6 years later, she has started to beat, choke, punch, and otherwise harm me. The most recent incident was just a few minutes before I started typing this. She got mad at me over a birthday gift argument and she punched me 5 times in the right shoulder as hard as she could. And a few days ago I ate her "factory mistake" mint and she went nuts. A few months ago, I did something and she pushed me against the wall and choked me. Then she tried to choke me with her elbow. She bit me when we were visiting some (barbaric) cousins and blamed it on them. She attacks me and finds ways to make me do whatever she wants, and if I refuse, I get beat up. Her most recent favorite is to lock me in a room, make me watch her movies, and dig one out for her because she refuses to get off the couch. She is also verbally abusive, and calls me stupid and "dumbwit" (she invented the word on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis. She also finds ways to make me have to word) harder to do my job, like if I'm shoveling snow, she will throw snowballs at me and place snow on the sidewalk, she just goes out of her way to insult me, hurt me, and make me feel bad. Our mother lets this happen, and her dad does nothing about it, my dad is in prison, nobody stops it.

Ouch to that..

I can't speak for karmas point of view but I don't think that it's acceptable for anyone to hit anyone else.. regardless of whether the other person used to hit them or not.

This would be like me starting to hit my mother because i've now grown strong enough to hurt her.. unacceptable unless i'm defending myself at the time and have no other option.

How old is she.? if your mother refuses to help you when this happens, would the local police pay her an unofficial visit to stop this from happening.?
maybe talking to her teachers or guidance counsellor.?

seabreezeblue wrote:Ouch to that..

I can't speak for karmas point of view but I don't think that it's acceptable for anyone to hit anyone else.. regardless of whether the other person used to hit them or not.

This would be like me starting to hit my mother because i've now grown strong enough to hurt her.. unacceptable unless i'm defending myself at the time and have no other option.

How old is she.? if your mother refuses to help you when this happens, would the local police pay her an unofficial visit to stop this from happening.?
maybe talking to her teachers or guidance counsellor.?

Teachers and counseling did no good, my mom thinks its not that big a deal, and shes about 9, but I am incredibly small for my age, so I have a hard time fighting back.

I think it's a big deal - definitely don't fight back.. that's unfair on both of you and will just escalate the situation as well as increasing the resentment between the pair of you.

What was your sister attending counselling for and also.. what made you hit her when you were younger?
There's always a reason that a child hits and it would be helpful to get to the root of your sisters issue.

As i said, please don't hit her back but can you restrain her.? just hold her wrists firmly but taking care not to hurt her.

Anger will make her stronger than she ought to be but restraining her if done properly can calm the situation quickly and safely.
Any local martial arts academy will be able to teach you a basic and safe restraining technique.. worth a try.?

seabreezeblue wrote:I think it's a big deal - definitely don't fight back.. that's unfair on both of you and will just escalate the situation as well as increasing the resentment between the pair of you.

What was your sister attending counselling for and also.. what made you hit her when you were younger?
There's always a reason that a child hits and it would be helpful to get to the root of your sisters issue.

As i said, please don't hit her back but can you restrain her.? just hold her wrists firmly but taking care not to hurt her.

Anger will make her stronger than she ought to be but restraining her if done properly can calm the situation quickly and safely.
Any local martial arts academy will be able to teach you a basic and safe restraining technique.. worth a try.?

First, I apologize for my late reply, she went to counseling for being abused by our step father. When I was younger, I suffered the same treatment as her, I can sometimes restrain her, but the contrast is almost from a kitten with no claws to when she's not angry to the hulk when she is. Also there are no martial arts academies nearby.

hmnn.. a real shame about there being no martial arts academies nearby.. that would have been really helpful.

I think your sister likely needs some more counselling - sometimes trauma symptoms show up a lot later because the child doesn't fully understand things at the time and then when they get older they start questioning and looking around at other families and noticing how different they are. Un-dealt with trauma can manifest in so many different ways (EDs, bullying others, SI, other behavioural issues).
Would your mother really not consider asking for some more counselling for your sister?

seabreezeblue wrote:hmnn.. a real shame about there being no martial arts academies nearby.. that would have been really helpful.

I think your sister likely needs some more counselling - sometimes trauma symptoms show up a lot later because the child doesn't fully understand things at the time and then when they get older they start questioning and looking around at other families and noticing how different they are. Un-dealt with trauma can manifest in so many different ways (EDs, bullying others, SI, other behavioural issues).
Would your mother really not consider asking for some more counselling for your sister?

My sister and I have had no major incidents recently, and my mother believes it is up to us to resolve our problems, and only intervenes if it gets to the point where one of us will be seriously harmed. She probably needs some counseling, but so do I, probably more so.

MentalBoy13579 wrote:shes about 9, but I am incredibly small for my age, so I have a hard time fighting back.

MentalBoy13579 wrote:but the contrast is almost from a kitten with no claws to when she's not angry to the hulk when she is.

These two descriptions are spot on for my experience with my little brother. He was nowhere near my biggest concern with abuse (my older sister was extremely horrible to me). But my little brother is 4 years younger than me, but born with a footballers build. When he was young, I'm talking like beginning at 4yr, he had a lot of anger issues. He would do this thing when he was angry where he would clench his fists and kinda like shake (tensing all his muscles) and get all red in the face. We didn't have a great environment but his anger was exponentially worse than it should have been.

[maybe triggering, nothing super explicit]
To begin, he and I would kind of egg each other on, because we are siblings. But I was very non-physical and if it seemed like it was escalating I would back track immediately. We would wrestle sometimes, actually just for fun, but he would punch me or kick me VERY hard. He seemed to earnestly not know his strength sometimes, but it was terrifying and because it was seen as a play-fighting thing he wouldn't stop sometimes. He also would occasionally try to hit you with something *like a shirt or something, not anything hard* and he once whipped me with a zip up hoodie and the zipper hit me right next to my eye and left a huge bruise for a week or two.

Sometimes it would be really really bad. One time I was lying on my back in my parents bed watching tv and he was in the room. I said some small comment (maybe not sharing the remote?) and he came over and punched down on my stomach with all his weight behind him. He actually knocked the breath out of me.
We were arguing once and he was around 7 years old and I was 11. I ran into a mudroom we have and the door for it is glass with some wood paneling. I was holding the door shut because it didn't lock and he was trying to get in, he charged at it and actually went crashing through the glass and broke the door. I was terrified, but as soon as it happened he got upset and scared about being in trouble so he wasn't angry anymore, thank god. We also had to share a room so that was a whole other terror.

Does your sister ever seem to honestly not know how violent she is being, or how hard she hits, etc...
And also does she seem to act in fits of rage and then calm down, or when she's done something serious will she deescalate because she realizes what she did was really horrible?

Rxln wrote:

MentalBoy13579 wrote:shes about 9, but I am incredibly small for my age, so I have a hard time fighting back.

MentalBoy13579 wrote:but the contrast is almost from a kitten with no claws to when she's not angry to the hulk when she is.

These two descriptions are spot on for my experience with my little brother. He was nowhere near my biggest concern with abuse (my older sister was extremely horrible to me). But my little brother is 4 years younger than me, but born with a footballers build. When he was young, I'm talking like beginning at 4yr, he had a lot of anger issues. He would do this thing when he was angry where he would clench his fists and kinda like shake (tensing all his muscles) and get all red in the face. We didn't have a great environment but his anger was exponentially worse than it should have been.

[maybe triggering, nothing super explicit]
To begin, he and I would kind of egg each other on, because we are siblings. But I was very non-physical and if it seemed like it was escalating I would back track immediately. We would wrestle sometimes, actually just for fun, but he would punch me or kick me VERY hard. He seemed to earnestly not know his strength sometimes, but it was terrifying and because it was seen as a play-fighting thing he wouldn't stop sometimes. He also would occasionally try to hit you with something *like a shirt or something, not anything hard* and he once whipped me with a zip up hoodie and the zipper hit me right next to my eye and left a huge bruise for a week or two.

Sometimes it would be really really bad. One time I was lying on my back in my parents bed watching tv and he was in the room. I said some small comment (maybe not sharing the remote?) and he came over and punched down on my stomach with all his weight behind him. He actually knocked the breath out of me.
We were arguing once and he was around 7 years old and I was 11. I ran into a mudroom we have and the door for it is glass with some wood paneling. I was holding the door shut because it didn't lock and he was trying to get in, he charged at it and actually went crashing through the glass and broke the door. I was terrified, but as soon as it happened he got upset and scared about being in trouble so he wasn't angry anymore, thank god. We also had to share a room so that was a whole other terror.

Does your sister ever seem to honestly not know how violent she is being, or how hard she hits, etc...
And also does she seem to act in fits of rage and then calm down, or when she's done something serious will she deescalate because she realizes what she did was really horrible?

She has no idea what it really is, but it hurts me a lot, and and I think she knows it hurts me, but how much, I don't know. When we aren't fighting, we get aong really well.