Hey all,
As this is a new and confusing issue for me, I feel I need to gather advice from those I am not close to, to, garner a less- biased perspective.
I grew up in a household where physical abuse of any kind was not tolerated. We were never even spanked. My parents were narcissistic-codependent, however, but they are now in recovery.
The man I have been with for almost 4 years is former military and did two tours in Iraq. He was injured and may have sustained TBI or PTSD. He is a self- proclaimed narcissist, and being such, is able to keep a closer examination on his behaviors. He is verbally abusive from time to time, but it is something he has worked very hard on and greatly improved. He has never been physically violent towards me at all until the other night.
We do self- therapy sessions from time to time. We create a space where we are able to let down ego defenses and openly discuss whatever we need to discuss. Most of the time these sessions are very beneficial and bring us closer. However, during the latest session, we ended up fighting. After I touched him when he asked me not to, he choked me. Later, he asked me to leave our room, and I told him I had a right to be there (I am working on standing up for myself and setting healthy boundaries) and that he was free to leave the room. He pulled my hair and choked me and screamed in my ear.
When he realized what he had done, he became suicidal, and asked me to kill him. He felt/feels horrible about it. When the topic was brought up today, he said he feels as though he has "regressed years" (he has struggled with depression) and that I need to leave him because he thinks he is a violent "woman beater" and it could happen again. He says that the fact that he hurt me is all he can think about and he is unable to be happy.
I want to seek couples therapy, and when I mentioned it to him, he said he had "tried it" like it would not work. He just wants to talk about me leaving. I forgive him, but he thinks this in unforgivable and that I have Stockholm syndrome.
I am not sure how I feel about all of this. I had NEVER thoght he was a violent person and I still don't. Our relationship had been improving daily until this incident. Seems like it came out of nowhere.
Any comments or questions are much appreciated. Thank you for taking time to read this.