Quiet corner of PF

ElephantEyes wrote:I think cluster B types are not comfortable with consistent positive validation. They need to create distance because the state of yearning, missing someone is more familiar and comfortable.

With intermittent periods of positive interaction but they cant take that consistently for long or they feel smothered. And someone who hands over total control would get boring.

Cluster Bs need a challenge this is why they are attracted to the bad boy/girl, the wild and untamable ones.

Very insightful. Agree completely

BTW it is not a matter of choice for the true cluster B personality, love and entanglement is painful, that is their memories and training. But they still yearn for closeness, in smaller doses.

Could work out between you two, just be aware male cluster B types can be emotional to an extreme, and over the top crazy too

^ I will try to be careful. I am not sure what hes capable of. All this criminal charges I couldnt see what they were.

Just taking it day by day.

He is pretty paranoid as well. He has started doing this thing where he acts all crazy and paranoid then a bit later says it was a joke. I dont know if they are actually jokes though.

I am not sure why he wants to know where I live so badly. So he can show up if he wants to? In case we lose contact? For control? That is probably why.

He seems pretty determined to get it but I am determined not to give it to him.

He seems to think I am living with someone or involved in something shady. I am not. Things are quite boring. He has an overactive imagination that is for sure.

I already know dealing with his paranoia and jealousy is going to be a huge challenge.

Apparently I am obsessed with analyzing this guy. I must find him interesting.

Yesterday was a good day. Hours of pleasant conversation. As I said he seems to cycle. I think it has to do with how drunk he is. When he drinks too much he gets aggressive.

Began telling me about his marriage which is not romantic conversation but I am curious so dont mind. According to him she was a hell demon. Beat him all the time felony level stuff but she was never arrested. She is a medical professional. I know this is only his side of the story. He describes himself as the long suffering self sacrificing husband and father. Either he sees it that way or thinks it will impress a woman.

I told him he must have ptsd now after all that but he said no. That is hard to believe. Maybe he is very resilient. Or he was just also a guilty party in the marital strife. That is more likely.

She was much younger than him when they met. Basically a teenager. There is something predatory about that. Patterns repeat. I am even younger.

But I have to say he is quite entertaining. Good conversationalist. When he is in a good mood. I think in his good moods he is probably very fun to spend time with. There is a dark side to that too though.

One day he will probably be telling someone horror stories about me.

I am feeling more in control now. Posting here has helped a lot. I am level headed and able to cut him off at the pass.

I think there is definitely exploitation in his motives. He may be experiencing emotions as well. The two arent mutually exclusive. But I do think he sees something he can gain or profit from as well with me.

He will lose the house in the divorce. My sense is she made more money than him and paid most of the bills. Just a hunch. He cant keep the house. I think I give the impression of wealth and that is part of why I am attractive to him. Apparently her family is well off. Younger exploitable women from well to do families are his type.

I would be a trade up. What guy going through a divorce doesnt wish to trade up? Wifey has gotten a bit stale and less tolerant of antics...finding new younger fresher meat is the obvious solution.

I am trying to communicate to him in so many words I know this game and am not so easily exploitable. I think hes getting it.

I am cutting him off at the pass as I said. If he shows he is on the up and up that is fine. But I need to see it in action. Not just hear tales about it.

ElephantEyes wrote: My sense is she made more money than him and paid most of the bills. Just a hunch. He cant keep the house. I think I give the impression of wealth and that is part of why I am attractive to him. Apparently her family is well off. Younger exploitable women from well to do families are his type.

I wouldn't exclude this at all. It was the impression I also had when analyzing my own parents and their families as well as my own relationship. I'm not saying exploatation is the only reason he might be doing it, but I doubt it has nothing to do with this whole thing. Tell him you're homeless and see how he takes it.

^ Exactly.

So my plan to be the stable one and call him out on #######4 is proving to be a challenge. He is picking fights over nothing. I am annoyed. I dont have patience with this right now. Its gotten too close for him I guess. He wants to create distance. He is acting borderline now.

I am not judging. I have also acted that way. But now its affecting me. I am emotionally involved now I guess. So these distancing things bother me now.

The way I see it he overreacted at some small thing I said. Similar to the address issue I guess. A kind of boundary. He perceives it as total rejection. I suppose I am supposed to spend an hour consoling him. But I think he is being totally irrational.

I think he might just be provoking a fight. But I cant be sure. I am starting to wonder if I am the one provoking the fights. It probably goes both ways. I just dont see how what I said was offensive. Maybe I am just not seeing it.

I have to give him credit for being thoughtful though. If that is what motivates him but even if not the result is I do feel cared about and considered. That is the gist of what won me over. Its touching. In spite of me pushing away. He showed he thought of me, he took time to get to know me and adjusted his approach to me. It shows commitment. This is the kind of thing that generally wins women over.

I am curious about all his criminal charges. I think he is hiding it from me. He only admitted to the one drug charge. Then the other day he told me he was arrested for assault once but in his words, not his fault at all, he was jumped and defended himself. There are a bunch more he hasnt told me about.

Its not a deal breaker in itself. People get older and calm down.

He is scared of police though. I am glad now I didnt make a report on him. As long as he doesnt mean harm to me and I see no evidence of that so far. I dont like dealing with authorities either to be honest. I am not 100% trusting of them though havent had bad experiences or anything.

I did have some strange dreams last night out of the blue. Dreams of being held captive by him and he was very controlling, I was basically a slave. It wasnt pleasant, nightmarish. I dont know where those dreams came from.

I am enjoying him at this point. As I got a bit more submissive he is easier to get along with, almost submissive himself. Polite and thoughtful. Treating me like royalty you can say.

When I resisted him he was angry and aggressive. I thought the submissive approach would bore him but he might like it. He is not as insistent on talking to me as often. Either means he is bored but I think more likely he feels he has me on a hook and can relax a bit now. More confident I am not going anywhere.