I think I have a personality disorder? Is there hope?

I feel like Im really different, not in a good way. Im 20 and attracted to 'lack of empathy' types and chase them (eg narcissists, anti socials, schzioids). If any 'normal' people show interest (which they usually dont because of my low self esteem) I get scared- I either treat them as perfect and ask nothing of them/serve them like a slave (which freaks people out) or I get the hell out of there (usually because I convince myself they are annoying or trying to exploit me). Last time someone told me they liked me, I felt terrible- sick with rage (I do feel bad about this). I spend most of my time thinking about my relationships with others. I hate it when people dont like me. It usually doesnt happen though because I 'merge' with them. When they dont like me, they hate me- usually because Ive told myself they are bad and unconsciously treat them accordingly. On one hand, I like being controlled because I know my purpose then other times I hate it and act very defiantly. I love my job, I would say I am pretty good at it because Im so perfectionistic but I hate the fact that Ive never had promotion. But when I feel under pressure I get extremely anxious. Im really good at reading others/seeing how they relate to others but I cant see how people relate to me. I usually assume they hate me, if they do like me I get confused and act in needy ways (constantly checking they still do) until they do hate me. I usually dont disagree with others because I cant handle negative emotions. I rationalise others bad behaviour so its gone, but then I get resentful. Is my thinking odd? Ive never had a relationship before and its making me really sad. I feel like im destined for aloneness or an abusive relationship

I dont think you have a PD not from what I have read, it just sounds like you have self esteem issues, you say you push empaths away usually means you are hiding something from people.
You may lack identity but that doesnt mean you are a disordered person, you are only 20 and you have a lot of insight you could probably benefit from seeing a psychologist.

Alot of people (i mean ALOT!) have a to some degree a personality disorder.
But you would not say that there is no hope for them.
And in the end everybody has there issues and every house has its cross.
So dont feel bad and i wish you good luck to overcome or cope with your issues.
Compliments btw for your self-insight and thast the first thing.
And knowing is half the battle!