Childhood cruelty to animals

[Tempest88]

Not really different as you would act in a funeral, but in a lesser manner.

I've seen funerals on TV. I get what you mean now, I can fake that no problem. Like when a 'friend' tells me their dog dies, I pretend to care and like it's an upsetting event. I say "I'm sorry, will you be okay? If there's anything I can do, let me know". That sort of thing.

I see that as more faking concern rather then sadness. Sadness I think of as crying.

But yes, I get what you're saying. It's something I can work on, I just need to override the irritation.

[Black Widow]

yes, you got it.

[Tempest88]

yes, you got it.

WooHoo!

[4horsegal]

That is not at all normal childhood behavior. I certainly never hurt my pets as a child. I would carry them around like they were a stuffed toy and hug on them all the time. I loved my pets. If I ever hurt them it was accidental- I certainly would never do so on purpose.

Someone who shows empathy would feel really sorry for hurting an animal, or feel really bad about hurting another person. They certainly wouldn't repeatedly hurt an animal and then try to cover it up.

That sounds more like an anger problem, or her being resentful. Is she the type of child who does the opposite of everything you tell her to do? If you tell her not to hurt the animals, maybe she hurts them when she gets upset with you? The fact that she holds her emotions in could mean she is redirecting her anger at the cat, when she is really angry about something else.

The fact that you need cameras in your house is also very concerning. Why do you need cameras? Have the kids exhibited dangerous or self destructive behavior?

Have you tried taking her to a child psychologist? I think that would be a good idea. A child psych might be able to help you with parenting mistakes, and help her with her behavior problems.

Have you tried explaining to her that the cat has feelings too. That the cat feels just as bad as she does when she cries? She needs to understand why she shouldn't hurt the cat- not just because you told her not too.

Have you tried asking her why she hurts the cat? There must be a reason why she does that. What does she feel when she hurts the cat? This is very important. In order to correct a behavior you need to understand the motivation behind the behavior. Scolding is not going to change anything if you don't know what the underlying problem is.

Another thing that might help is to have you cuddle with the cat and tell her how sweet and adorable the cat is, and try to get her to cuddle with the cat. Tell her that the cat will be her best friend and love her forever as long as she is nice to him. (assuming it is a nice cat).

I definitely think a visit with a child psych is a good idea. If not that, maybe some parenting classes for yourself. This issue is so much bigger than her hurting the cat... I'm assuming their are some mistakes on your part as a parent (no offense- no one is perfect). I'm also assuming there is something bothering her that is causing her to act out like this.

It is even more concerning if she is deflecting the blame onto someone else, or if she is pretending emotions she doesn't feel.

Her emotions are valid- and need to be treated as such.

The fact that you need camera's to watch your children is a very very big red flag to me. It tells me something needs to be done... Of all the people I know of with kids, I can't think of anyone who would need camera's to watch their children.

[Tempest88]

The fact that you need cameras in your house is also very concerning. Why do you need cameras?

The fact that you need camera's to watch your children is a very very big red flag to me. It tells me something needs to be done... Of all the people I know of with kids, I can't think of anyone who would need camera's to watch their children.

I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure I referred to them as 'security cameras'. If not, my apologies. They are security cameras, part of a security system. Being as the rooms have windows, it only makes sense that they're placed in those rooms.

Is she the type of child who does the opposite of everything you tell her to do?

No, she doesn't do the opposite of what I tell her to, she will instead outright say 'No', and whine and complain.. stating her sister doesn't have to do anything... which to a point is true. Her sister has Aspergers and there is some different treatment there. I do think she's resentful towards that and not understanding as to why. Her sister also has other medical issues, which entail regular visits to Children's Hospital and a lot of attention. I think my 7 year old is also resentful of that in some way.

Her sister is 2 years older then she is, yet my 7 year old is more competent and her sister asks her to help her with things. In some ways, she's definitely rebelling due to the fact she feels too much is asked of her and she feels it's not fair.

In reality, I ask less of her then her friends parents ask of them. I make exceptions given the situation, but at the same time I can't give her a get out of jail free card.

If you tell her not to hurt the animals, maybe she hurts them when she gets upset with you?

That doesn't seem to be the case. She listens the best to me over anyone else. If anything, she sucks up to me and is after my approval.

Have the kids exhibited dangerous or self destructive behavior?

No, definitely not. I can leave knives etc out and not have to worry about them so much as touching them. Aside from the cat thing, neither of them are aggressive or over explosive children. My 7 year old (the one this post is about) rarely so much as yells. She's never displayed any real anger.

Have you tried explaining to her that the cat has feelings too. That the cat feels just as bad as she does when she cries?

I've talked to her about it, but she ends up running away crying. Repeating that she doesn't know why she does it and that I've just hurt her feelings. When I've said nothing that should hurt her feelings, not even raised my voice. I extremely rarely raise my voice towards them.

Have you tried asking her why she hurts the cat?

Yes, she runs away literally in tears repeating she doesn't know why and that I've hurt her feelings. Or she'll try to blame her sister. Sometimes she'll repeat "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry" while sobbing. I don't think she understands why she does anything.

Another thing that might help is to have you cuddle with the cat and tell her how sweet and adorable the cat is, and try to get her to cuddle with the cat. Tell her that the cat will be her best friend and love her forever as long as she is nice to him. (assuming it is a nice cat).

I have 3 cats, all are exceptionally well tempered. She doesn't touch my nearly 15 year old cat. She knows damn well I'd have her head if she dare hurt him. She doesn't touch the 18 month old cat either, this cat would be near impossible for her to catch. It could be that she hurt her as a kitten so the cat knows to stay away. Actually, I remember that she tossed that cat up in the air repeatedly as a kitten and got massively clawed starting from her eye brown, all down her face and half way down her torso.

The third cat seems to be her target, he's also the largest and extremely capable of doing serious damage to her if he so chooses. He was a very expensive cat that I had to go on a waiting list to get. He's a purebred Bengal Cat, he's 15 lbs and at 11 months not full grown yet. He won't be full grown until 18 months. He's very tall, on his back feet his nose can reach level with my counters. Her lets her maul the crap out of him.

He still curls up and sleeps with her every night and comes to her for affection and she cuddles him very nicely, pets him and his nice to him. It's just the moments where she's not. She knows how to treat a cat. If this cat does happen to decide to defend himself one day, she will get seriously hurt by him. He's a 3rd of 4th generation, which means he's very close to his wild ancestors. He hunts the other cats and holds their wind pipes at the front of their throats when he plays. He has a lot of very wild instincts in him.

It is even more concerning if she is deflecting the blame onto someone else, or if she is pretending emotions she doesn't feel.

I'm not sure that she's pretending anything. She does place blame on others, when it's clearly her fault.

[4horsegal]

Sorry if I misunderstood.

It seems strange that she doesn't show anger- most kids I know get angry or upset about something and throw a tantrum about it.

Maybe just keep watching her?

You mentioned she has odd quirks- what do you mean by that?

I know when I was little, my parents had a chart with different faces on it- my mom would sit me down and ask me to pick out what I was feeling. Maybe if you had a chart like that, you could try and have her show you how she felt before or when she was hurting the cat? Keep asking her what else did you feel? She could be feeling a combination of emotions, sadness, anger, frustration... If nothing else, it might be helpful for her to express how she is feeling. Most children seem to have a problem putting their feelings into words. I know my parents took me to see a child psych- although I don't really remember anything else about it. I developed OCD at a very young age, unfortunately the psych missed it and I went undiagnosed for many years. My parents thought something was strange about my behavior, but eventually just dismissed my behavior as normal.

Just don't let her avoid the subject by crying or running away. She seems very non-confrontational.

My dog killed my pet gerbils when I was a kid- I was so angry I could probably have hurt him. But that was obvious.

It just seems so strange to me that she would hurt the cat for no real reason? Very puzzling.

Does she have any other unusual behaviors or anxiety issues?

I agree that she probably isn't pretending- most children can't even keep secrets up until a certain age.

Maybe she learned it from the 9 yr old? If her older sister is mean to the cats maybe she is just imitating the same thing her sister does? Without really understanding why she is doing it?

Is she exposed to any real violent Tv shows?

[Tempest88]

Maybe if you had a chart like that, you could try and have her show you how she felt before or when she was hurting the cat?

I have that same kind of chart in their playroom, craftroom, bedroom and on the fridge. My 9 yar old as Aspergers so at times when she's on the verge of a meltdown, all she can do is point to let me know what's going on. Both kids work with a specialist on that stuff as well. She often just cries and says she doesn't know what she's feeling and is unable to point to a face.

I'm starting to suspect it's a combination of anxiety, mild agitation and hurt that she feels when she gets overwhelmed. I keep journals on their behaviors for the specialist, as well as what they eat during the day and the times. Just to keep track if there's any food culprits, as I have certain foods that cause my aggression to become more severe.

It just seems so strange to me that she would hurt the cat for no real reason? Very puzzling.

It's almost as if when she's doing it, she's enjoying watching is squirm and cry. If she were to watch someone else do what she does though, she'd break down crying for the cat. I think it may be a dominance thing on her part. Hard to say though. So, it is kind of strange.

Does she have any other unusual behaviors or anxiety issues?

Not really, just this and the being overly sensitive. She won't tell her teacher or anyone when she's away from home if she's hurting. She gets bad headaches and sometimes migraines, she'll suffer with them before she'll tell anyone, when I asked her why, she stated she was too embarrassed to tell anyone. Same deal if she falls and hurts herself while away from home, or gets a tummy ache etc...

Maybe she learned it from the 9 yr old?

I'm not sure. My 9 year old displays remorse when she does things like this and accepts responsibility. She's very receptive to explanation as to why her behavior was inappropriate and for the most part, does make an effort to change it. She's a typical aspie.

Is she exposed to any real violent Tv shows?

I'm sure they have, I don't allow them to... but until recently I didn't have the parental controls on the TVs they watch. I know they watch Pokemon and Disney... Disney movies often have a good amount of violence... but in a way society seems as acceptable.

They watched the X-men trilogy last month at a friends place.