Childhood cruelty to animals

[Tempest88]

Yes, you are describing avoidant behavior. More specifically ideas of reference. Could be schizotypal as well, they tend to start avoidant and then switch to schizoid at some point.

I know zero about those PDs. Time will tell with her, but in the meantime... it's very trying on what very little patience I do have.

[Black Widow]

What do you do though, when she says that you are hurting her feelings. Do you validate those feelings, or do you brush them off. That would be an important thing to do, because nobody can do that for you.

[Tempest88]

I usually tell her it's stupid and she has no reason to feel that way. If it's in a situation where she's placing blame, I will also add in that she was in the wrong and needs to take responsibility to what she did.

Oh, and then she cries because she said I called her stupid lol

[Black Widow]

You really need to work on the feeling validation. Feelings are always valid.
Showing how to take responsibility is good, unless it is clearly in order not to taking yours. So there has to be a give and take there when it has to do with you. Depends if what she wants is reasonable.

[Tempest88]

She's rarely reasonable when in these states. Combine that with my distaste for crying and just emotional boohoos and it's not a good situation. That's probably what my psych was referring to when he wrote my report. It's a PDF document so I can't copy and paste and I'm too lazy to retype, but he essentially stated my lacking in empathy was not ideal in regards to caring for children.

You really need to work on the feeling validation. Feelings are always valid.

I don't agree with that, but it seems to be the general consensus and I do work in trying to validate her feelings. I can't when she's crying and blaming etc... my tongue loses all control and out the invalidation comes. Crying frustrates me, she knows this and yet she keeps doing it.

I'm sure me behavior only compounds what's going on with her, if it didn't cause it altogether.

[Black Widow]

Yes, that would be the unhealthy relationship pattern.
This being said, you are the adult, and should not see the child as a threat, emotion or not.
If you knew how to react to emotions, you would probably be less inclined to be aggressive.

[Tempest88]

I don't see it as a threat, just a major annoyance.. which frustrates me and at times starts to anger me.

If you knew how to react to emotions, you would probably be less inclined to be aggressive.

I don't understand what you mean by 'react to emotions'? I know how to fake reactions to emotions, but until this child, it's never happened in my own home where it's in my face. I tend to have my 'mask' off when at home, it's more just me that's reacting.

[Black Widow]

I mean react in a way that does not totally invalidate her emotions.
Otherwise you probably will scar her and cause major dysfunction.
Right now, you seem to only be able to react to emotions with anger or contempt.
You need to show sadness, I think.

[Tempest88]

You need to show sadness, I think.

Hmm like fake cry? I could probably pull it off well enough to fool her.

[Black Widow]

You need to show sadness, I think.

Hmm like fake cry? I could probably pull it off well enough to fool her.

No not cry, sadness.
Like a tone of voice that shows concern about her feelings.
If someone is hurt, or shows hurt, the normal answer is to be concerned, like if there was a death.
Not really different as you would act in a funeral, but in a lesser manner.
It is like a small death.
Not sure if it makes sense to you.