Post natal depression

[Alexxa]

I'm not a parent but my mother suffered from depression after having me and still has depression to this day. The reason I'm posting this is to figure out something she told me a few days ago when I asked about how I was when I was a baby.

She ended up telling me that while she was pregnant with me she didn't want a daughter, she only wanted another son and that she didn't want to know what sex I was in fear that if I turned out to be a girl she would reject me and not want me anymore. She constantly told her doctors and friends that she didn't want a girl at all. She then told me that when I was born that all her fear of rejecting me disappeared and she loved me all the same but that for a few months after me being born she became so depressed that she used to lock herself and me in her room for hours and cry her eyes out while not letting my older brother or dad see me or hold me.

I'm just wondering why she was so against wanting a baby girl and afterwards was so protective and upset that she wouldn't let my family see me or hold me? If anyone has even an idea as to why I'd love to know, I've just been racking my brain and searching the internet to something that may explain this but no luck so far so thanks for any thoughts

[Jam4]

The only thing I can tell you is that when your depressed and feeling irrational, anything seems right at the time. Only your mom would be able to answer those questions. I know I have 4 girls and that's it. I wanted a boy so bad and was depressed each time I didn't get one. I was always a Tom boy and never wore make up or do hair, I wouldn't know how to raise a girl. But that's all I got. I love each one when they were born, but still have this emptiness of not having a son. Its not your fault your mom felt that way. I hope you get the answers you need some day.