I am pedophile

Important fact: I never touched a kid.

Here I am, taking advantage of the anonymity of internet to make my confession.
I am attracted by children. I masturbate thinking on little girls. When I see them in the street I look with desire, the same stare I notice the other adults have when looking to a grown woman.

I know that I can't relieve my desires, and I feel guilty to have such thoughts, but I just can't help myself because this is the way that I am, this is how my body react to the external stimulus: I see a pretty kid, feel attracted, see a pretty woman, feel nothing. It is not something I can choose.

My psychiatrist says that my deep depression is caused by this, the knowledge of what is right and wrong always fighting against my sexual needs.

So, I wanted to ask you: is a pedophile something as monstrous as our society claims? Even I making a huge effort everyday to not make the wrong thing, am I a disturbed pervert that must be locked up?

I think that everyone in this World is given unique struggles that they must learn to cope with and continue living in spite of. It is important, regardless of our struggles, that in addition to learning to cope, we also make a sincere effort to inflict the least amount of damage possible on others we come across daily. I think that the struggle you have described must result in an incredible amount of loneliness. I think that the hardest things in life to live with are often the desires that accumulate and create longing in our hearts. While some may undoubtedly be deemed more socially acceptable than others, the pain and strife encountered in the process of trying to reconcile with our inner demons is Universal. I sincerely urge you to continue in your efforts not to inflict pain amongst others. I, personally, know intimately the emotional damage that can be incurred as a result of being taken advantage of at a young age, as well as the circumstantial issues that consequently arise. Many of the desires, wants, feelings, etc., that fester within all of our hearts are not admirable. What is tremendously commendable is the ACT and conscious decision not to allow the temptations that linger in our hearts to manifest themselves in ways that will serve to destroy others. For you, given the conflict between the intensity of your specific desires/longing and the inability to pursue them without inflicting great harm, I can see that life must be very lonely, painful, and unfulfilling. Occasionally, we all must decide to put someone else's needs and wellbeing above our own wants, but so many of us choose instead to act selfishly and follow only what will serve us best. I guess the only thing I can offer you, one flawed stranger to another, is that so long as you continue to make the conscious choice not to hurt another human being, denying yourself satisfaction and fulfillment in the process, I do not think you are a monster. I think, in that regard, you're a better person than a lot of us. There may be times when the desire to self-serve becomes overwhelming, and I hope and I sincerely wish that when those moments arise, you continue to make the right choice for the sake of those whom you can prevent from facing irrevocable damage. I wish you the best of luck.

Confessor wrote:Important fact: I never touched a kid.
So, I wanted to ask you: is a pedophile something as monstrous as our society claims? Even I making a huge effort everyday to not make the wrong thing, am I a disturbed pervert that must be locked up?

your private thoughts are yours alone. never act on them, and there is no foul.

live the rest of your life in an upstanding fashion, and at its end you will have lived a better life than most. avoid the temptation, even as you find a way to contribute to society. good luck!

Not a subject I have ever written about before, so excuse me if i don't fully understand - but here goes ...

Remember reading of courtly love, knights being "in love" with the Queen who they could never "have". Many of us, especially young people often fixate on or idealise or feel "in love" with unobtainable pop stars. Some are in love with the neighbours wife or husband or with their boss or cannot forget a past love "who got away". Our adoration can be all the more poiognant and acute because of the unobtainability of the love (lust?) object.

In fact perhps the unobtainability is what we want or need to maintain the fantasy? but if we ever did get to meet the tv star or get the old love back it may be a dissapointment. If you fulfilled your fantasy you might feel terrible regret and remorse and face terrbile consequences and have ruined a life. And even if children are capable of some degree of interest or even sexual pleasure, as some believe, the indulgence of that leads to all sort of guilt and harm and often lifetimes of psychological damage. Just look at the child molestation threads on here for confirmation of that. Aso doesn't it often seem the case that those who are interested in children were abused when young themselves? Their "sexual map" was corrupted by the experience and as adults they are not happy with their orientation and preferences and probably not set up for a happy life. So even just from that angle alone it is not a good thing.

So maybe you just have to look at it like there are lots of us who do not get the objects of our desire for one reason or another. If i went and "jumped the bones" of the film star I lust for, I most likely get beaten up by his security guards, arrested, jailed and shamed too! So sometimes it sucks that we do not get whatever it is we want in life but we just have to suck it up? Does thinking about the negative consequences on children help at all to lessen your desires? Can you think of anything that might do that? I think perhps learning that my fanasy tv star was gay or did not like women of my race or personality type would hurt (and perhaps even increase my interest in a way given my self destructive, self hating tenedecies). Hopefully, eventually, it would lessen my interest in them. Would learning more about children's disinterest in adults as sexual or love objects lessen your interest in them? Any therapies effective in changing "proclivites" you have heard of and could try?

The reason you do not get to get your object of desire is similar, you cannot just take who ever you want. Also because of the difference in status and age and the fact that the adult has more strength and power the relationship is considered too uneven to be allowed. Like sexual harassment at work by a boss to an employee. Children have to be protected and are therefore in the care of their parents or other adults or society. They have to be protected from physical harm and sexual corruption while they are "children" and therefore not "adults" who are considered old or experienced or wise enough to make choices for themselves.

Members of the human race seem to be constantly playing a game with other members where they judge each other and tell each other "I am better and more normal than you!". Pedophile is one of the worst insults ever. Down there with murderer and rapist. perhps even lower if the urge is indulged. For this reason i feel a bit of sympathy for you. Awful to be full of a desire for something forbidden to you and for which even a confession of interest, that is never followed up by action, could at worst bring you ridicule, hate or physical harm.

I think that as long as " Important fact: I never touched a kid. stays true" and you feel sure it never will become true there is no problem and you do not need to be locked up. People think about comitting bank robberies (well at least I have fanatasised about it a few times!) but as long as I do not plan to make it a reality I do not think I need locked up!

If we are having a difficulty accepting a limit or feeling and have an addictive or compulsive urge to indulge in whatever we want , we should be able to go and discuss it with a good psychologist or someone who can help us. I imagine if the urge a person feels is for something competely socially unacceptable then it is difficult to get the help needed. Hope your anonymous confession might help lessen your urge a little and glad to hear you have a psychiatrist you can be honest with, hope they are a good one who helps you.

Life is hard at times. Doing the right thing is hard at times. Effort ( epecially to do "the right thing" is always to be respected and - for what it's worth - I respect your efforts .

There is no good and evil. The recommendations given above were good enough. But you have to know that one you do it you can't stop it. It's like heroine. And first break the circle of your thoughts and fantasies because they make your desires..and desires make your actions. Try to stay always busy with something and not give yourself time to think.

you can think anything you like. it's not illegal, but it's not a good idea to open up about your attraction to ppl you know. they won't be understanding.

*content in violation of site rules removed by mod*

KINDNESSTHERAPY wrote: deleted by mod.

The idea of this forum is to HELP people i'm not sure you've quite grasped that with what you've just put.

Sorry -You- are correct in the context of this forum, if the moderator can remove my above comment please do so. That being said I will try to fit this subject in a different spot in this forum if appropriate, but this subject (Suicide) needs to be discussed. People with mental illness and people with never ending pain need to discuss this topic without the never ending guilt trip, because over 90% of mental health clients think of nothing but -Suicide- 24/7/365...

KINDNESSTHERAPY wrote:Sorry -You- are correct in the context of this forum, if the moderator can remove my above comment please do so. That being said I will try to fit this subject in a different spot in this forum if appropriate, but this subject (Suicide) needs to be discussed. People with mental illness and people with never ending pain need to discuss this topic without the never ending guilt trip, because over 90% of mental health clients think of nothing but -Suicide- 24/7/365...

you cannot be this dense.