What age were you all when you noticed your fetishes/philia.

***Possible triggers, I did not mean to get graphic if I did I am sorry I am trying to explain my story*** I don't believe it is too bad.

Hey everyone. I have made posts like this before but I would like more input. If people wouldn't mind I would like them to state if they can remember, when they started to notice their paraphilia or fetish. Things I am looking for.

A) Were you relatively "normal" in your fantasies/pornography and all the sudden it came about?
B) Were you young and just started thinking these thoughts without being exposed to them?
C) Were you exposed to them as an adult and realized it turned you on than?
D) How does your paraphilia/fetish make you feel? Ashamed,guilt, pleased, not worried or something else?

E) Please explain if you had any other fetishes/paraphilias that may have "lead" to your current one. Do you have multiple attractions or just a main paraphilia.
F) How old are you now, what sexual experiences with adults have you had?
G) Were these sexual experiences with partners enjoyable, easy, anxiety,fear, depression?
H) After being in relationships did they diminish some of the deviant behavior, inflame it?

To start I am 25. I am a male. I have never had sex with anyone. I was born premature 3.5 months, everything worked out I am healthy. I have friends I go out to bars, I laugh and make others laugh. My family and friends love me, I watch sports and enjoy video games. I have the best family and friends in the world, I was not abused, I was never even spanked as a child, but I would be threatened to be spanked with the belt etc.

I did not have any sexual deviancy for most of my life. I never had abnormal sexual desires, I never fantasized about people at all in fact. When I was young I felt I was attracted to a boy my age I was probably 11 or so. Anyway, I felt that way for a week... than it went away and never came back. I think I just thought he was a cool guy and I wanted to be friends. When I was young I would occasionally see a womans breasts in a movie and would later "fantasize/masturbate" about that. I would scan magazines in the rite aid "maxim" and read stories about women, and I would pick up the romance novels and read them and have an erection. My friend his little brother and I all did this. I don't know how we got away with doing this. But we would be up there for hours sometimes (2 at most). As I got older (15-16) I still had normal sexual experiences, scantilly clad women in PC Gamer magazine, or a strip club in Duke Nukem. When I was around 14 or so I read Lord of the flies and masturbated to the story about the boys shoving the spear into the pig and getting enjoyment out of it. I believe it was supposed to symbolize rape. I never got off to that again and felt "strange" afterward. One time when I was 16 or so I read a stephen king novel and masturbated to a story about a girl tied down and raped (in the book the boy had a wet dream about this scenario, he had befriended a older nazi in real life) anyway I forget the name it's not important. All throughout this I never fantasized about girls my age or anyone for that matter. I thought girls my age were very hot, and I still do think that. One day I was reading romance novel type stories online and I came across "Nonconsensual stories" and I went deeper, and deeper into these stories. Finding more extreme,taboo,bizarre stories. Torture,burning,enemas... It always dealt with anal material. The thought of forcing something into an area that is "dirty" "taboo" was extremely arousing. Even throughout all this I could get off to just a picture of girl on girl topless kissing. Than I got off to girls doing other things to one another. Than I got into girls dominating another. Now I almost only can get off if it's a woman dominating another woman usually anally.

Than one day I came across a fictional story that involved minors age 10/11/13 etc. Molestation, sadistic etc. I felt terrible. But I told myself that it was not real so what is the harm? I never read real things or thought about people in real life. Now I found out I am attracted to fictional erotic stories of mothers spanking daughters... 8-13 or so. It's terrible. It has to be female on female it doesn't work in a story if it's a man well it did a couple times. Now I found out daddy/daughter turns me on. Pain/suffering/humilation/torture. Whipping/belts/spankings.

The first time I read a story with a minor in it I believe I was 21 years old. I was living in my dorm. I had never , ever had any attraction to this type of filth ever. I had never had fantasies, thoughts, urges of any material like this. Even when I was getting off to the story in the Stephen King novel I never carried that thought over to thinking about girls my age or anyone else. The person in these stories to me doesn't really matter it seems, faceless,nameless,not real, it's like my brain doesn't care because it didn't happen so anything goes. It's very strange it's almost like my brain trying to rationalize it. I majored in criminal justice, I know how wrong these things are. I truly don't think they are a part of me. My mother teaches children and I have gone in to help I have never had a thought,fantasy, or feeling for anyone there. But I have noticed that ever since I read all these things that I am really nervous around children. It seems I "test " myself. I look at kids and than look away and ask in my mind" Did that arouse you? and I say no... and that's the end of it. But I do it constantly. And than I look and I'm like "wait were you aroused and I'm like no.. " It drives me nuts. And there is this picture in my home of the coppertone girl with the dog pulling the bathing suit down. And one day I tested myself and i looked at it.. and now everytime I walk by I look at it and I keep testing myself.. I never did any of this ever in my life before. But I have to say that I was watching a movie about 6 months ago and a mother picked up a child and it showed the childs butt in underwear and I wanted to test myself to see and I got off to it. I went into the bathroom started screaming at myself saying "Is this what you've become?" "Some sick freak wtf is wrong with u" and I put a razor to my wrists and pressed down and I started crying and sat there for 30 minutes wanting to throwup and die.

I know for a fact I was not born this way.
I know for a fact I did not have any of these eroticized feelings before age 21.
I know for a fact I am a good person who doesn't want to do any of these things.
I know for a fact i would just die if my parents/and some friends ever found out.
It's like you go to dinner and clear everyones plates and they say "We love you so much, you are such a handsome kind young man etc etc.. but they don't know the truth... if I had told them what I have said on here.. they would outcast me and I can't blame them.

This is driving me insane, I hate it, I don't believe it is a part of me. The only thing I can think of... is that somehow the porn just got worse and worse.. and I just melded sadism into this whole mess.

I know this is extremely long, but this is what I am looking for from others. Don't let me be the only one to spill my heart. I want to know how these things happened to you? Was it similar to my case, was it completely different. Please share so we can help one another. I don't think this thing with me is an "underlying lovemap" as someone stated... it would have shown somewhere before age 21 I would think.

I hope to hear from many people about their own paraphilias,fetishes. Please be open and honest we are in fact here to help one another. Also I would like everyones suggestions for me. What do you think caused this? What do you think I can do? Can I revert and go back to getting off to a hot tanned surfer babe with a nice butt? Can I go back to reading a romance novel? Because as of now... those just don't cut it anymore...

Also I cannot get off without pornography. I cannot get an erection without porn, unless it is morning wood. If I try and think of something soft like a nice girls butt or a g string or thong.. my mind is like "man that is HOT" or if I think about a chick loving me and kissing me.. nothing happens. I cannot get it up. The fantasy has to be deviant, dark, taboo. To arouse me. Now as I stated... I never had sexual fantasies about girls in my life who I thought were really hot, I always got off to a naked chick in a magazine,movie,book etc... So I don't know if that helps.

First off, I'd like to admire your ability to share (it's not easy for everyone). I'm still kinda new to the forum thing but I'll try to answer all the questions the best I can. Oh, and I'm and 19 year old male if that's any kind of a factor.

A) I suppose as a kid I was fairly normal, had a couple different girls on my mind but it was just childhood so nothing serious. It wasn't until the 7th grade when I first liked a boy my age and I just assumed I was bi. But as I progressed into my adolescent years, the age of the boys I was interested in didn't change (got a little lower actually) and I wasn't attracted to any girls of any ages.

B) It was the age of 15 when I first fantasized about a boy whom at the time was 7 years old. Thanks to a little thing called denial, I never thought anything of it and just assumed it would naturally phase out. Boy was I wrong.

C) The feelings/urges just kind of progressed into my early adulthood which I still am in. I've never looked at child pornography (fear of detection, mainly) and and viewing of adult pornography was simply due to the fact that sex intrigues me (because I can't have it).

D) At many times I get angry and wonder why I had to be one of the select bunch of people who's natural urges are condemned by society. It sucked then and continues to do so.

E) I think pedophilia is the only paraphilia I have. Though it is common to have more than one, I'm unsure as to any others I might have.

F) At the age of 19 years old, I've never had any sexual contact with anybody. If I play my cards right and stick to my strict morals, I shall die a proud virgin.

G + H don't really apply, I've never even had a relationship.

What you said about people thinking your a nice guy but they don't know the truth... It resonated within me. It's exactly how I felt. I had extensively planned my own suicide and completely believed that once I told my family why I was doing it, they would just let me. But they all responded so positively and acceptingly, it stunned me. I'm not saying that everyone would react that way, I suppose I'm one of the "fortunate ones"...

As to what caused your paraphilia, I might have to quote Lady Gaga (I think she's great, please no hate...) and say that you were born that way. We all were (the abused might have a different opinion on this, rightly so). That might not be the most satisfying answer for you but it's all I got. I wish that you could be happy with yourself however you are, whatever you like.

I am 23,have always had healthy sexual and nonsexual relationships, though I have a terrible family life, I cut them out years ago, so it no longer bothers me. I am female and I am a necrophiliac.
It started a little over a year ago, and it never actually occured to me that I might be a necrophiliac until I talked to another necrophiliac who told me about himself and his philia. The more he explained/described to me in vivid detail, the more I realized I liked this, even finding myself curious to try it out. I tried for many months to push the thoughts/fantasies/urges to the back of my mind, telling myself I was sick and disgusting for even daring to let myself think on such a thing, but the more time that passed, the more I found myself thinking about necrophilia. Sorry if this seems like a rambling post, I've never actually been asked this question, and I feel like I just need to get my thoughts out, and fix them up later.

As more time went by, I felt less and less shame to allow myself to be who I was. Thankfully, my family has no idea what I am as I don't talk to them, but my close friends do, and they've all been great to me, very supportive. The strongest reaction I get from my social groups is that they just don't understand necrophilia, they will never understand necrophilia, nor do I expect them to, but they don't belittle me as a person for being what I am. They pretty much just smile and nod. There are still times, even now, where I feel quite solemn, even mortified that I have to admit to myself that I am a necro, but I find that I actually end up more and more depressed if I hold it in, and try to fight that part of myself. I can't do that anymore.

I have a long way to go in figuring this all out, but I feel comfortable freely admitting to who and what I am, unashamed, and only a small part of me still cares what society thinks about it. Personally, I don't see my philia as that big of a deal anymore. I'm not looking to spark a discussion on whether or not you feel necrophilia is wrong, so please, let's not go there, because our opinions will differ immensely, but this is an overview of my own story.

I first noticed it at 11 years old. my 6th grade class went to lower elementary school to tutor a first grade class. the project was intended to build up our confidence and self esteem I think. But anyways, we were in pairs. My partner and I were assigned a boy in the class to tutor and when we met the child something just sort of triggered. I had these feelings for him that I didnt understand but I certainly liked it. That was the first time I can remember having sexual feelings for anyone. Now after that point there were a few kids younger than me that I was attracted to but I actually mostly felt attracted to other boys closer to my age, some even were older than me and although it was frequent I had feelings for a few girls too but those feelings were very different than what I felt for boys.

I always just thought I was gay until I was in highschool and realized that while I was a teenager I was still attracted to boys far younger than me and that everyone my age that I found sexually attractive typically had younger features. They looked like kids. At 18 I was typically attracted to kids half my age give or take 3 years. There are exceptions but they are rare.

Now for my present situation. I am 29 years old and as far as my sexual preferences go I am still attracted to young boys. But I live a completely heterosexual adult lifestyle. I have only been sexually involved with women. My wife is the only person i've ever had sex with but I did fool around with one other woman before I met my wife. Now i've made it clear that my preference sexually is for young members of the same gender as I am so how did I end up married to a woman? Well, there are several reasons but the main one is this, I fell in love with her. I may be sexually attracted to boys but sexual attraction is not the only type of attraction. I find women to be attractive in other ways. I found my wife to be a decent and kind person with a queit demeaner and a heart for others. I recognized the reality that boys are off limits and even if they werent you cant really share your life with them. They grow up and become men. Men who want women, not you. The only way to have a truly fulfilling life (for me anyways) was to be with a women close to my age.

As for the sex, it's great. My relationship with my wife was not sexually driven. It was truly based on love. The sex is an expression of that love. To be honest when I started dating I didnt think i'd ever actually get married because I necer went out with a woman I connected with. Its as if I was just doing it to try to be normal but i cant very well force myself to be sexually attracted to women. But then I met my wife and I dont really know how to describe it but we connected on a level so deep that no obstacle stood in the way. She really is my soul mate.

As for you, i'll give you my opinion and just keep in mind that it's only my opinion and no one knows you better than you. I think you just have a fetish. You arent "wired that way" you've just filled your mind with so many perversions over the years that you are constantly seeking material that is on the fringes of what is acceptable. I'm no doctor but I think you just need to fund a good support group to hold you accountable and rid you of your addiction. It may take years but I think you're still normal underneath all of this.

Well I'm not sure if I answered everything but I just thought i'd give you my story. Good luck to you. And don't be too down on yourself. You're human. Humans a flawed and there are no exceptions. We have to take our flaws with a grain of salt sometimes.

Sailor, just a little confused and curious who you were refering to at the end of your post?

Necro. I was directing my comments toward the original poster.

Thanks, I thought that might have been the case, but I thought you might have been talking about me, to which I would have replied that although my being a necro is relatively new, I've been pretty attracted to morbidity since I was about 7 or so, it started very early, so I definitely think I'm wired this way, and that this is something deeply embedded in my identity. Lol no wonder I'm so content with it by now:D

See I was worried when I read your post about you finding out these "deviant" thoughts when you were 21 or 23 (forget which you said) but now you say you had these "morbid ideas/thoughts" at a younger age. That really helps me out actually. Because I did not have these thoughts/urges/fantasies at a young age and it wasn't until I found them online at age 21 that I started to get involved with these tendencies. Anyway, thought I would throw that in there very interesting. I appreciate everyone's feedback and I hope to hear more from others or even more from you all. Thank you!

Yes, I'm 23 now, but the necrophilic thoughts started at 22. I've been pretty dark since I was 7. Just curious though, why does my finding out what I was late worry you? Hmm.

It would worry me, because it would mean that maybe my paraphiliac attractions did not exist at a young age because they were hidden deep down inside me.. and somehow they came out. This would bother me because...

A) It would mean that I have always had these deep seeded dark fantasies and never knew.
B) It would be almost impossible to irradicate these thoughts/fantasies.
C) That it was not porn at all that lead me to this road.

That would bother me very much. I am not against porn but I think I kept looking for more hardcore things to get off to and it bled over into this material. That's what I am thinking at least for now. Since I cannot go two days without masturbating or looking at porn I am assuming it is some sort of habitual addiction...