I want to murder my boyfriend

ElKahn wrote:thunderseed, please keep yourself calm and don't make assumptions about what people know and what they do not know.
Also, calling a submissive man a "pussy" and saying that you hate them is disrespecting towards both women and submissive men. Try to use appropriate tones. We are on a paraphilias forum where I'm sure there are submissive men. Not helpful to call them names.
Besides, this is a very old thread.

You must have forgot that you are in a thread that is about a murder paraphilia and the subject is murdering submissive men, if that bothers you then get out!
I liked to murder and harm submissive men that I liked because they disgusted me due to the fact that I was naturally submissive and really failed at being dominant, if that's offensive to you, then you really have no place in a thread that is about this subject.
I made a warning that my original post was going to be uncomfortable, you didn't have to read it.
It doesn't matter if this is a very old thread, there are obviously people that are struggling with the same issue as the OP right now.

If no one understood my first post, I'll try to clarify it in another way:

It is important to figure out the cause and underlying issues to the problem in recovery.
A few possible underlying issues are traumatic experiences, fear, and unhealthy upbringings.
Going by what the OP mentioned there is a high possibility that abuse could be a factor and either way indulging in SnM or any kind of violent sex is probably not advised for anyone with a murder fetish, the best action plan for recovery is a while of celibacy from problem areas so that you can pay attention to any triggers and emotions that come up when you feel cravings. Abuse creates a fight or flight mechanism, in a fight response it can cause people to become violent or to fixate on murder, and sometimes rightfully so, when someone we love abuses us and we have unhealthy views of love and codependency attachments, we might decide to murder them so that we can keep them with us for all eternity, and they won't be able to escape us then.
She resonated with Jeffery Dahmer, which is good because he wasn't a sociopath, at least not in the typical understanding of it, because he had remorse, he was loving, a lot of people speculate that he just felt very lonely and he felt that the only way he could find love was to drill holes into his lovers skull and so on. It is very common for people with paraphilias, sexual issues and sex addiction or love addiction or even Borderline Personality Disorder to have very high morals and values when it comes to love, and to adopt very dangerous and unhealthy views of love.
Recovery and abstaining from abusive situations is usually recommended, working on disassociation, trauma and any emotions that come up is also important for recovery.

The other factor is that the OP mentioned that she was submissive and was not good at being dominant and instead got very aggressive when her boyfriend wanted her to be dominant, that is a well known reaction when a submissive person is forced to pretend to be dominant, especially if said submissive person has a natural inclination towards gore and violence and their partner has harmed them.
That is important to recognize because if we know that about ourselves, we know we should never put ourselves in situations that trigger us. If being dominant makes you ruthless, then you shouldn't be engaging in it, and if you do have a paraphilia it may be something that you will have to abstain from forever, that means even vanilla things like bondage might trigger you. We have to really make the decision to be proactive about our recovery. Once we know the list of things that triggers us, we have to do everything in our power to cut them out, and not only that, we also have to learn to cope with those things when they present themselves to us.
Even if we are born that way, we are not unique in the sense that we still don't have underlying issues, all human beings do, it will help us in recovery to do self work.
If we are naturally born with the predatory instincts to kill, there are certain things we may not be able to be around. This is how I see the difference between most people and myself. Most people can watch a gory violent movie and it effects them in such a way that it grosses them out or disturbs them, but for myself, it triggers an impulse in myself that needs to copy the behavior. I learned I had that problem when I was a child, and at the time it terrified me because I didn't understand why I wanted to kill my best friend, so I just adapted over the years and learned that I could not watch gory, violent movies. Some people are just affected by violence in that way. Also there is much to say about being desensitized. If you are a sex addict, that will happen. Soft-core pornography is like a gateway drug into hard-core pornography.

It may not be that way forever. What happens in recovery is you go through cycles of doing well and then struggling again, but that's the same for everyone in life, the thing is each time it gets easier and easier, but it is always important to remember what you are capable of, that way you can keep yourself in check. You'll have to work on many things that come up.
Being self-aware is highly important. If you don't understand why you are attracted to the things you are, there are some important things to ask yourself.
Like, what do you think about death? What intrigues you about it? Then ask yourself why you feel that way about it? You might find your answers very revealing to you.
Aside from the part work, like I said before therapy is very important. Having a good psychologist, doing part work integration and learning to befriend your shadow parts is very helpful for recovery. So is AA and SAA, not exactly the fellowship but the 12 steps. The 12 steps are excellent and so is finding a belief in some kind of positive faith. Also past life regression is very helpful for those who are born with paraphilias, sometimes things are carried over from another past life. There are tons of ways to recover, but the first step, other than admitting one is powerless over their problem is to become more self-aware and to adopt courage and look into the shadows. I'll say it again, it is not an easy path; recovery takes a lot of courage.
A wise woman once told me, "Do you know what Courage means?"
I said, "Of course I do, it means not being afraid."
She said, "No, Courage means being very afraid, but you do it anyway."

BACK ON TOPIC

you know there are guys out there who are really nice and helps a lot of people and yet they're the one who gets killed, hurt, shot, massacred, beheaded and all that sh1t. And yet your boyfriend who hurts you is still alive. Why? What are you waiting for?

Depraved niceguy, please don't encourage people to commit crimes.