I want to murder my boyfriend

^That was pretty rude. You sound like a very angry person.

Dita wrote:^That was pretty rude. You sound like a very angry person.

Was that directed towards me? I'm curious to know why you think it is rude? Did you read it properly, or read it all? It was not intended to be rude at all nor was I feeling angry so I'm kind of confused why you have that impression.

It might feel invasive and uncomfortable because it delves into the cause of emotions and things that most people don't want to look at, in regards to shadow aspects of self, but those are the things one has to look at in order to recover from paraphilia. It was meant to be helpful seeing as I have recovered from the same things myself. It is important to look at the emotional aspects and to do the self work.

yes i read the whole thing because i didn't wanna make a judgement from one paragraph.

you just sounded really blunt and insensitive.

"You need to put a stop to that BS. You are acting like a victim actually. You fantasize about him, like he's a peice of meat, objectifying him, taking away his strengths and control over you, rendering him completely useless and as a slave to you - that does not make you dominant, it makes you afraid that he's going to either hurt you or leave you and you don't want either."


^you don't see how that could be taken as being rude? Because if it was directed toward me I would be extremely offended.


"I absolutely find submissive men completely revolting in every way. They aren't supposed to be submissive pussies, they are supposed to man up and be a man. It pisses me off so much that I feel like killing submissive men."


^Pretty self explanatory. i guess women are just weak, submissive little pussies..?

_____

The thing that bothered me the most is how you were just telling her who she is, like you know her personally and exactly what she's going through. You may think you do because you've gone through a similar experience, but everyone is different. you just came off as being really aggressive and judgmental, and the way you were accusing her of things were making her sound like she's some horrible person.

idk. I don't wanna argue. lol i just can't help but speak up when i feel like someone's being rude to someone else.

Dita wrote:yes i read the whole thing because i didn't wanna make a judgement from one paragraph.

you just sounded really blunt and insensitive.

"You need to put a stop to that BS. You are acting like a victim actually. You fantasize about him, like he's a peice of meat, objectifying him, taking away his strengths and control over you, rendering him completely useless and as a slave to you - that does not make you dominant, it makes you afraid that he's going to either hurt you or leave you and you don't want either."


^you don't see how that could be taken as being rude? Because if it was directed toward me I would be extremely offended.


"I absolutely find submissive men completely revolting in every way. They aren't supposed to be submissive pussies, they are supposed to man up and be a man. It pisses me off so much that I feel like killing submissive men."


^Pretty self explanatory. i guess women are just weak, submissive little pussies..?

_____

The thing that bothered me the most is how you were just telling her who she is, like you know her personally and exactly what she's going through. You may think you do because you've gone through a similar experience, but everyone is different. you just came off as being really aggressive and judgmental, and the way you were accusing her of things were making her sound like she's some horrible person.

idk. I don't wanna argue. lol i just can't help but speak up when i feel like someone's being rude to someone else.

No, actually I don't see why it would offend you, please explain. It seems like you have misunderstood everything. Perhaps you missed the part where I was explaining that abuse is traumatic and can actually cause the symptoms she is experiencing, that is what I meant by her needing to stop that BS! Nobody deserves to be treated that way. Why is it wrong for me to tell someone to get away from abuse?
Acting like a victim = acting in flight response.

I'm sorry, but where did you read into my statement being about women being pussies? I was talking about situations where submissive males try to get a submissive female to be dominant, it can cause murderous feelings too, comparing it to my own feelings. Yeah, I hate submissive men, big whoop, it's not like she's a man, not an insult to her... I KNOW it is possible to want to kill someone just because they are making you act dominant when you are not, whole reason I mentioned it.


Yes, I am blunt, being straight forward gets the point across better than beating around the bush, but if I was insensitive I wouldn't have written a million pages to try and help someone, and I wouldn't have spend so long in trying to peice together various scenarios of what the issue could be.

I was explaining the causes of emotions and many possible problems and scenarios that can cause these paraphilia and situations, which should in turn make it a whole lot easier for the OP to figure out the cause of what she is going through. I did not accuse anyone of anything... your wording, not mine...

I never once said anything about anyone being a horrible person. If I'm making her out to be a horrible person, then I am also doing that for myself because obviously I have been through a lot worse than she ever has.

I stated cold hard truths about what it looks like to RECOVER from a brutal paraphilia that you probably have no understanding of. You seem to think it's different for everyone, no it's not. Murder is murder, addiction is addiction, recovery is recovery, you have NO CLUE what that is like, so don't even try to pretend that you do.

If someone had outlined all of that for me when I was seeking help I would have been thankful. Because the truth is, it takes a lot of guts, courage, strength and WORK to recover from this $#%^. It is not easy.

Once you have a murder paraphilia, it is going to be something you have to learn to cope with for the rest of your life, thankfully in this situation I am seeing major positive signs that her reactions are due to a fight or flight response and that she doesn't have ASPD and that her murder fixation is caused by underlying issues like fear, which she stated herself in comparing herself to Dahmer, that means it's not going to be nearly as hard for her to work through this stuff.

People would be wise to follow my advice, because I'm obviously the only one here who has been through it and who has recovered from it.

The rest of you don't know anything about this paraphila. Yet you have the nerve to reprimand me. I don't see anywhere that you have brought anything helpful to the table.

It is NOT helpful to encourage someones paraphilia. Especially not this one. You have no idea what you are messing around with, murder is not something that should be taken lightly. You have no idea how easy it is for someone to follow through with a murder fantasy or maybe you have a good idea and that scares you or disturbs you, if it does you shouldn't be in this thread.

I am a recovered psychopath, maybe that explains why people always seem to think I am such a ######6 asshole when I am trying my best to help someone. But guess what, the things I outlined are things you should really pay attention to if you suffer from this paraphilia. Regardless of whether or not you hate my guts, those things I outlined could save someones life, could save... many peoples lives.

For the record, for someone who has such a problem with judgements and people being rude to others, you certainly don't follow what you preach. And if you didn't want to explain yourself, why did you say anything at all?

My advice is probably the most helpful advice the OP will ever get, but it's only going to be successful if you are self aware and honest enough to do that kind of self work.
You have to look at your inner shadows, confront them, work on them, and figure out why you do the things you do. 9 times out of 10 you'll realize it is because of a fear.

Sorry, it took me forever to reply because i had a lot i wanted to say, and i'm not even sure i wrote everything i wanted to say, but it's 1am and i have a horrible sore throat and stuffy nose and i need to lay down and die now.

First off, you're doing to me exactly what you did to her. Making assumptions about me and stating them as if they're facts. I'm sorry but that comes off as rude and arrogant, like you think you're superior. And by the sound of it i'm not the only person who's thought that about you.

I never said that I hated you, or that your advice wasn't good advice(i agree with a lot of the things you said), just that it sounded insensitive. People don't like to be told to "stop that BS!" the problem you seem to have is you expect every other person's brain to work just like yours. We aren't robots. We're all unique and different..you can't assume that another person thinks the same way you do. so maybe for you if someone told you stop that bs and everything else you said in the way you said it, it would work for you. But for me, it would just hurt my feelings and make me feel stupid. and you know what? You can't refute that..because i'm not you, I have my own brain and my own way of seeing things, and that's how it would make ME feel. You have to cater to each individual person based on their own personal needs. for me if i'm trying to help someone i don't know very well i always go with being nice and not so blunt at first because i don't know what they're like and what would hurt their feelings. If i get to know them a little more and i see that they're not super fragile and easily hurt, then i know i can be more straight forward with them without offending them in any way.

You saying that men are suppose to be men and not submissive pussies is extremely insensitive towards women. How would it not be? You're literally using a name for a woman's vagina in the statement. pussy. because that's how that word was originated, a man shouldn't be a "pussy" because if he is that means he's acting like a woman. which insinuates that women are inferior to men.

again i didn't say you were insensitive, i said you came off as being insensitive. i don't know you personally, I have no clue what you're like in real life. I'm not judging YOU and anything about you outside of what you wrote in that post.

"being straight forward gets the point across better than beating around the bush"

^Again, everyone is different and being straight forward and blunt helps for some people but for others they need you to beat around the bush and be nicer about it and more patient with them. for some people screaming in their face about what they're doing wrong isn't going to help them, it's only gonna make them shut down. And don't tell me that being kind and patient and loving a person can't help them and heal them, because i've seen firsthand that it can.

Also it's not like i've never NOT been blunt with a person. i was being pretty blunt whe I told you that you were being rude, but that's because you're a blunt person so i didn't feel any reason to "beat around the bush" with you. and i really didn't expect it to upset you as much as it obviously has. Why can you be blunt with other people but other people can't be blunt with you?

why are you assuming i don't understand having a paraphilia? wtf do you think i'm on this forum for, just for shits and giggles? I'm literally at the lowest place i've ever been in my life right now. which is saying something because i've been in a lot of low places. I identify with the OP because i too have fantasies about torturing and killing people, along with pedophilia and all sorts of other fun things. i'm not a psychopath, at least i never was up until this point..i'm an extremely caring person and love means everything to me. You don't have to be a psychopath to be a sexual sadist. unless i really am a psychopath, because i'm a sexual sadist. That question has been lingering around in my brain for the last couple weeks, and i really don't know what the answer is. I know i'm a good person. But then there's a part of me that wants something completely different. i think about this boy that i'm in love with and sometimes i wish i could take him and lock him in my basement and do everything to him that i've fantasized doing. i would keep him forever, and love him and take care of him and he'd be mine and no one else's. And you don't need to tell me how i'm a scared abused person that just wants control. I'm not the kind of person that is completely ignorant to why i do the things i do. i'm constantly questioning myself about it and trying to find answers.

i know i got treated like $#%^ by my parents and uncle and pretty much everyone around me growing up. i know i've been alone all my life. i know that every person i ever fell in love with broke my heart. so obviously i hate being alone and i fear getting hurt, hence why i have the desire to lock him up, so he can't leave me. i know there can be a million and one reasons why i associate pain with love. but I also know there is a part of me that is extremely sadistic that is completely unrelated to my fears. i feel like i was born with it..it's so deeply engrained in me and i feel like i'd be losing a huge part of myself if it got taken away. I don't feel like i can be whole without it, and that's why i'm having THEE worst time ever trying to figure out how to get the help I need.

My fantasies sometimes are completely unfounded and untriggered. like..you can't trace them back to something that happened in my childhood or to some fear i have hidden somewhere deep inside of me. like if i was perfectly happy, i would still have fantasies about wanting to torture and murder people. like, some people like sports, or photography, or painting, and I like murdering people. You have no idea how bad i wish i could do that. And how much i fear losing control someday. I already feel like I don't have control of my thoughts and i don't have the strength to push them out of my mind. I just started sexual addiction therapy but I honestly have no hope for it. it doesn't feel possible to get rid of this. But i'm checking out some inpatient places, and if i can get the funds i need, that's what i'll be doing. because i'm barely functioning at all right now. i do nothing, except stay at home all day and think about $#%^ and try to figure things out and cry because i feel so hopeless. i've also been put into a psych ward on three separate occasions this year for being suicidal. i just don't feel like i can do it without being in a place where there will be people there to help me and i can just focus on getting better, if that's even freaking possible.

I always believed i was a good person and i want to believe that, but it's hard when you have all these horrible thoughts and you love them so much and can't stand the thought of losing them. i ask myself at least 10 times a day if i'm a psychopath, or maybe it's possible to become one and maybe that's the road i'm on. is that even possible?? i don't know. i'm at a point where i just feel like maybe i never was meant to be a good person. Maybe i've been lying to myself this whole time, and all i can really be is a psychopath.

and please..PLEASE do not talk to me in the same way you talked to the op, because it will not help me in the slightest. it will only make me feel worse. Obviously, because i got treated horribly all my life and i just can't take being talked to like that.

again, i don't hate you at all, i barely know you. i didn't mean to make it sound like i was attacking you..when i posted and called you rude i never intended for it to become an argument or anything, i was just stating how i felt about it. I'm sorry if i hurt your feelings in any way. And also, stop asking if i'm actually reading the things you write because i have read every single word. and as you've likely learned by now, i like to write too.

The only assumption I'm making about you is that for whatever reason you keep misunderstanding everything I write, I'm assuming you can read so my assumption is that the fault is that you are misunderstanding what you read, maybe because it hit a huge nerve for you, I have no idea, but you keep saying I have written things that I have never written and you are getting emotional and not making a lot of sense.

I'm going to be frank, like usual, I do not care what people like or about sweetening recovery steps up for people as it does a huge disservice to pretend that it is easy when it is not, it will just set people up for huge disappointment, failure and therefore relapse, they need to know the truth, this isn't about what people like. Obviously what you like has gotten you into trouble in the first place. This is a life or death situation. Maybe the reason you haven't recovered is because you aren't able to look at these things without freaking out like you are now. I'm sorry to have to analyze everything and put it all out on the table, raw and terrifying as it is, like here it is, it's not going away, but existing in denial is never going to get us anywhere in recovery.
Obviously you aren't used to someone being so open and honest about recovery, there was literally only one other person in this forum that gave factual advice on how to recover, everyone else was just encouraging the disorder which is not cool.

Go ahead and chastise me for being that way or rude, I don't care. What I wrote is vital information that is needed for recovery. At least I will be able to sleep at night knowing that the information is there for someone who actually is ready for it. Maybe that's not you, I wish it was, but obviously I can't help everyone and if you think I'm being a giant dick, I'm sorry but it was never my intention. All I can say is if you want to recover, read it again and again until it starts making some sense.
She needs to go to therapy, she needs to work on her self, she needs to stop the abuse in her relationship, it is only adding fuel to the fire. That is probably the best darn advice you'll hear here.
People come here to ask for help, what is going to help them, well I underlined it pretty well.
It is never going to help you to have someone say "it's okay sweetie, keep doing what you are doing now."
I never assumed another person thought the same as me, maybe you never read the parts where I stated SEVERAL possible scenarios, not just one. I'm pretty sure I've explained that already.

What I meant by differences is that you don't seem to understand much about what this paraphilia is. You don't know, you say so yourself, so how can you assume that it is that different for everyone? It's not. You will be very surprised to know that the paraphila is actually very similar for everyone, you are not unique. That is also something you would learn in AA or SAA, being around other sex addicts for example. Maybe it's just that you want to be seen as special or unique because you don't want to fully accept that you have those problems. It should come as a relief to you though, to know that you are not alone. These recovery techniques, and ones I didn't mention are tried and true and have been known to work for millions of others, not just myself.

I was talking about being submissive, do you know what that means? And I use the word pussy to imply anyone who is a wussy just like most people do. I really doubt most people believe the meaning stems from vagina, it's usually referenced more to a pussy cat who acts like a scaredy cat, at least that was my understanding of it. Either way I'm not sure why my choice of words should bother you so much? Is it because you are a feminist? You don't like the word pussy because it is offensive to women because it implies they are weak? I don't see why that would even be a bad thing in the first place, I think the majority of women like to be seen as weaker than men, atleast most submissive women do. Perhaps you forgot the part where I revealed that I am submissive myself. So your idea that I was insulting submissive women doesn't make any sense whatsoever. You are just nitpicking little things out of everything that I wrote, and taking them out of context.

You did judge me, you called me rude and angry, your words, not mine. You seemed to have made an assumption that I was insensitive and wouldn't mind being called rude and having my entire post completely undermined, well maybe you should realize that no human being likes to be treated that way. There is a difference between being blunt and rude. Your response was the latter, it's not like I ever insulted anybody. If you think so, you misread my post.

If you are a loving person then you aren't a psychopath, but you will never know until you see a psychologist. You probably have some of the same underlying problems that I listed out beforehand and maybe the reason it upset you so much is because it probably hit a nerve. It should be a good start for you to look at so that you can recover.

If you were born with your paraphilia, it's as easy as learning to cope with it, I wrote about that too, it is not hopeless. You don't seem like you are open to any more information, but if you ever are, I can give you some more pointers. Until then, it's obvious you don't want me to write anymore because you have a problem with the way I write. Or me. Or both, I don't know, it doesn't make much sense to me. I'm not the only one who writes this way.

I can't force anyone to want to do the work to recover. All I can do is provide the information.

I'm sorry if things I wrote triggered you or whatever the issue is, frankly I am still quite confused about why this upset you so much, all I am trying to do is help. I wouldn't mind responding to your story in more detail but I feel like you probably aren't going to like anything that I ever have to say at least not in the mind set that you are currently in, best to just let things cool down.

I messaged you in private before because I don't think it's good for us to hijack this persons thread so maybe we should switch to that in the future. If you want to that is.

thunderseed, please keep yourself calm and don't make assumptions about what people know and what they do not know.
Also, calling a submissive man a "pussy" and saying that you hate them is disrespecting towards both women and submissive men. Try to use appropriate tones. We are on a paraphilias forum where I'm sure there are submissive men. Not helpful to call them names.
Besides, this is a very old thread.

Please keep things friendly and supportive guys. Plus this is an old thread for sure. If the threads descends further into argument it will locked which would be a shame.

Thanks

Cracked

*throws hands up* honestly i have dealt with stubborn, proud people like you and i know better than to let it go on because nothing good will ever come of it. it will just go back and forth. i opened up to you, about what i'm going through, and i apologized for calling you rude, yet you still replied in a rude ass way.

i private messaged you before your second to last post and said you could pm me instead of posting in the thread if you wanted to, but you didn't.


I'm done.


^If you didn't understand that, DO NOT respond to me in this thread, or anywhere else, because i wont respond.

Holy ###$, so I guess I'm being made out to be the bad guy when I'm literally the only one who responded to this thread with any real advice. Whatever, I don't even know why I bother to try and help people.