First Post: How society views people with Pedophilia

First I want to know, what is the law's views for people who have pedophilia (who haven't done anything illegal). Do they have to be separated from family? If that's the case, I disagree. This is different for people with other paraphilias (zoophilia, necrophilia, etc.). For example, people with zoophilia simply avoid having pets, or coming in direct contact have animals. This is much harder for pedophiles, because everywhere they go, they will be in contact with children. Once someone is known to be a pedophile, people will try to stay away from him. There will be a great sense of distrust for these people. How do we live with these people and accept them, when what they desire is something illegal? Let's say it was okay to tell people you are a pedophile, and that many people opened up to their desires with anyone? Will this change the percentage of crimes that will be done? We can monitor or separate him, but how will he feel about it? What if it was a teenager still in high school? Will he have to be separated? What if it was a successful professional doing good for his community? Will his life be destroyed because of this? Some people with pedophilia know the harm that will be done to themselves, and the victim of this crime. How do we know who follows the rules?

This is what I think should be done. Pedophiles should not be left ALONE with a child. Even if it's their brother or another family member. However, they can talk to them with someone trustworthy watching. All their activities must be watched by an adult family member. They must also be monitored on the computer. This might sound embarrassing but it's real, they can view drawn porn of their pedophilic fantasies (mostly anime). They can also masturbate to it. But unfortunately, someone must know about that, too. They cannot have a family. If they simply want to contribute to making more people in this world, they can use a sperm donor. They can have a female friend, he can consider that a "pseudo-wife". When at their job, there is a high possibility of co-workers who want to cause harm to the pedophile. If anyone harms him, the one who harmed him will be charged with assault, just like any other scenario. So as you see, the pedophile will live a semi-normal life, with a complete watch on him.

What does everyone feel about my opinion? I just wish to help people all be treated equal, and given a chance at life. I believe that you shouldn't be judged by something you're born with. Yes, I said born with. If you guys think it is a mental disorder, I respect that. But I still think it is something that comes naturally and that people can't help it. Please people, hear my message...

Hi and welcome msclvr!

I'm attracted to girls under the age of consent. My girlfriend and my best friend both know this and are totally fine with it. I'm not a danger to children and can be left around them unsupervised, just as the vast majority of teleiophiles could be left around adults unsupervised. I don't watch child porn or anything illegal. I'm a perfectly normal human being, and a happy, mentally stable one at that. As far as I'm concerned, if people want to get hysterical about people like me then that's up to them - it's their own lives they're wasting worrying about people who aren't a threat.

Another thing I forgot to mention is that pedophiles who are in the closet (no one knows they are one) are basically living a "fake life". They can have a wife and kids, and do a lot of stuff without having to be watched at all times. If the rules for living as a pedophile are the ones I posted above, probably no one would want to come out. So really that is for the unfortunate event that they are caught or found out to do pedo things. But living a "fake life" must be hard, because at any moment, you could be found out and life as a pedo begins. For parents, it must be depressing to know that your son (or daughter) is a pedophile and has to be watched, but they have to be strong and help their son through this very difficult time. That's so sad...

I just wish to help people all be treated equal, and given a chance at life.

And constantly monitoring pedophiles (who haven't even acted on their desires) in such a dehumanizing way is what you consider "equal treatment"? This statement is hypocritical, given all of what you suggested in the previous paragraphs. It's no better than homosexuals not getting equal marriage rights. And why should they live a "pseudo-normal" life? I don't think you're also aware of the fact that many pedophiles are also non-exclusive, meaning that they are capable of being legitimately sexually and emotionally attracted to adults of their own age.

Even along with that, there are pedophiles who wouldn't lay a finger on their own family. There are also pedophiles who are only attracted emotionally to children and not necessarily sexually.

I'm sorry, but what you propose is preposterous. You're proposing we do all these things to monitor them even if they have not been accused of harming anyone and aren't even considered sex offenders. That sort of treatment is exactly what will force more pedophiles into the shadows and make the mental, emotional, and psychological effects they deal with on a daily basis even worse.

Also, are you aware that the term "pedophile" can also be misconstrued and used for other attractions as well, and this is a common problem too. People rarely hear the words "hebephile" and "ephebophile" because they don't know the classifications.

Hebephilia is a term to denote someone who is attracted to younger teenagers and ephebophilia is used for someone who prefers a kid in their mid to late teens. I happen to struggle with both. What would you do in my case? Would you be any more lenient? Because I haven't acted on my own desires, and I know better. Those who know me know that I'm not dangerous, abusive, obsessive, or manipulative. I've never hurt and would never cause undo harm to anyone, especially when it comes to sexuality and my attractions. I respect humanity far too much to give into my desires.

Not all of us are stupid enough to defy the law and hurt people. Contrary to popular belief, many pedophiles, hebephiles, and ephebophiles are capable of rational thought and reasoning, and what you're suggesting is, frankly, insulting and degrading to the struggle we face on a daily basis and I see no understanding or compassion in such suggestions. Would you even give them the benefit of the doubt and allow them to receive completely confidential therapy where they won't have to be terrified of being locked away if they didn't act on their desires?

You can't just assume that they all will, because in the end, there's already a sex offenders registry list and those who are on it can rarely find work or a proper living environment, not to mention they're entirely shunned by the community around them and parents go hysterical when they find one living in their area.

What you're suggesting is not a solution or for anyone's own good. They need to have the option of finding therapy and getting help for their issues so that they won't act out. Give them a chance at least to be honest and engage in healthy discussion!! Many pedophiles actually don't want to become child molesters.

The problem is that society automatically brands them as such, even if they haven't acted, and that's exactly what you're doing here.

They need to be approached with compassion and understanding. And your post only reinforced my opinion that nobody in normal society will be capable of this anytime soon and certainly not in the next 50-100 years. The hysteria has already taken over, and once that happens, there's little chance of fixing anybody's attitude of this subject.

Hi msclvr92,

firstly I wanna thank you for caring about our quality of life and legal security. That is more than a lot of people care about.

Secondly, I have to tell you that your opinions about monitoring and depriving pedophiles human rights is based on ignorance and prejudices that actually is making it impossible for pedophiles to come forward, and that is causing the hatred and digust towards pedophiles.

Fortunately I have many friends that now knows that I'm a pedophile, and everyone supports me. They don't have any problems with me being alone with children, because they know me as a person.

Being a pedophile means that you love and care for children. And being a pedophile has nothing to do with lack of control, lack of empathy, lack of morality and so on.

Monitoring pedophiles who haven't acted on their urges would increase the number of sex abuse so I'm sorry but your suggestions is not good.

But you deserve praise for your desire for dialogue with pedophiles - that is the first step to a better society. That's why I hope you will listen to us so you realize that your suggestions is based on myths.

Lonelyrider wrote:Monitoring pedophiles who haven't acted on their urges would increase the number of sex abuse so I'm sorry but your suggestions is not good.

Agreed. People change to fit the role that is expected of them. If you expect them to be good and hold them to that responsibility, people will try to stand up to that expectation. At the same time, if you are going to punish people for something that they haven't done, they may decide to verify the punishment, as they are already being punished for it.

msclvr92 wrote:This is what I think should be done. Pedophiles should not be left ALONE with a child. Even if it's their brother or another family member. However, they can talk to them with someone trustworthy watching.

I have an ex-brother in law, who is a registered sex offender. It’s already illegal for him to be alone with a minor of the opposite gender. So your first suggestion would be to put a person on par with a sex offender just by opening up.

The rest of it then goes beyond that stage to the equivalent of putting them in an asylum. Just for saying that they have a problem, which is the first step in getting any kind of help.

This would have the opposite effect of what I think you had in mind.

msclvr92 wrote:I believe that you shouldn't be judged by something you're born with. Yes, I said born with. If you guys think it is a mental disorder, I respect that. But I still think it is something that comes naturally and that people can't help it. Please people, hear my message...

I have to respectfully disagree with your opinion about being born with this. As with a lot of things, there are multiple factors involved. Genetics is one thing, but you then have environment they grow up in, opportunity, past experiences, and so on.

MY OPINION

One large factor that science has found is that your first trigger will have a huge effect on your preferences. A problem in my opinion right now is how soon the kids are being introduced into the sexual world. It’s plastered all over everything. The clothing, the TV, the internet, school, adds, everything.

So, often times teenagers or younger are becoming aroused at such a young age. As such it is natural for them to look around and be attracted to boys/girls their own age.

I have two friends whom are both young girls, one is now 16 the other is 12, and the older one was "educated" at the age of 10 by a friend’s older sister. She was taught that it felt good and was ok. She then "educated" her then 6 year old sister. They both try to find pornography online of girls their own age. the 16 year old and her friend are now lesbians, along with her younger sister.

What happens when they get older, but their targeted attractions don't? The older one is already worried about that and is trying to stay away from it, but in a few more years if she hasn't broken that attraction It will become illegal (not sure if it is/isn't as she is underage but defanatly if she is over 18)

They then become "pedophiles” not because they chose to be so, but because in this situation their past experience placed them on that path.



This was an example of a direct influence causing the problem, but it could be a myriad of things things that can cause this first trigger, which then has an impact of what a person becomes aroused by.

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One large factor that science has found is that your first trigger will have a huge effect on your preferences. A problem in my opinion right now is how soon the kids are being introduced into the sexual world. It’s plastered all over everything. The clothing, the TV, the internet, school, adds, everything.

So, often times teenagers or younger are becoming aroused at such a young age. As such it is natural for them to look around and be attracted to boys/girls their own age.

I have two friends whom are both young girls, one is now 16 the other is 12, and the older one was "educated" at the age of 10 by a friend’s older sister. She was taught that it felt good and was ok. She then "educated" her then 6 year old sister. They both try to find pornography online of girls their own age. the 16 year old and her friend are now lesbians, along with her younger sister.

What happens when they get older, but their targeted attractions don't? The older one is already worried about that and is trying to stay away from it, but in a few more years if she hasn't broken that attraction It will become illegal (not sure if it is/isn't as she is underage but defanatly if she is over 18)

They then become "pedophiles” not because they chose to be so, but because in this situation their past experience placed them on that path.



This was an example of a direct influence causing the problem, but it could be a myriad of things things that can cause this first trigger, which then has an impact of what a person becomes aroused by.[/quote]

I'm afraid I don't believe in this. Children have always been sexual with other children, actually it's very normal. Even if I'm a pedophile myself I think you develop pedophilia due to emotionial problems during childhood.

Lonelyrider wrote:I'm afraid I don't believe in this. Children have always been sexual with other children, actually it's very normal. Even if I'm a pedophile myself I think you develop pedophilia due to emotionial problems during childhood.

I'm not saying this is a cause, but a factor. I don't think there is any 1 cause for it.

And your right, it is normal for experimentation, But my example wasn't experimentation, It was a direct influence of an adult on a child.

Okay, you guys are right that monitoring pedos will just make it worse. That is being overprotective, and NOT treating people equal. But I'm not sure what should be done, because leaving kids alone with someone who is known to be a pedo doesn't seem right to me. It's not the same as letting a homosexual alone with another man, because if the man isn't gay and doesn't want to have sex, the homosexual can just find another man who DOES want to do this. In the case of pedos, there is no such thing as a kid who is legal. They can, however, stick to masturbation and do that to channel their sexual thoughts. But sometimes, they want more than that. But as I noticed on my own sexual adventure, masturbation feels THE SAME as actual sex. So yeah, even though we don't feel right about leaving kids alone with a pedophile, maybe we shouldn't treat them like rapists. They have a substitution to illegal acts too, it's masturbation. Just like homosexuals don't have to rape an unwilling man, but find a willing one. I take back my previous post about having them monitored.

As for pedophilia being genetic or learned, I don't care which one it is. I pretty much think that the cause of pedophilia is the same as any other preference, which may be genetic or something learned.

msclvr92 wrote:Okay, you guys are right that monitoring pedos will just make it worse.

I would agree with this position. To ostracise a particular segment of the population and single them out in this way and then expect them to adhere to society's norms and legal codes whilst being the subject of hatred and hysteria... I can't see that having any positive outcome.

msclvr92 wrote:But I'm not sure what should be done, because leaving kids alone with someone who is known to be a pedo doesn't seem right to me. It's not the same as letting a homosexual alone with another man, because if the man isn't gay and doesn't want to have sex, the homosexual can just find another man who DOES want to do this. In the case of pedos, there is no such thing as a kid who is legal.

In this quote you switch from a term of willingness ('want to') to a term of legality ('legal'). This muddles your argument. Why doesn't it seem right to you to leave someone known to be a paedophile alone with a child?

msclvr92 wrote:They can, however, stick to masturbation and do that to channel their sexual thoughts. But sometimes, they want more than that.

Naturally. However, people often paint a simplistic picture of desire, neglecting to consider that an individual always has competing desires. I might have a strong desire to have a sexual encounter with an underage girl, but I will also have a (stronger) desire not to do harm or break the law. It's the desire that wins out that counts. If we judge people purely on the fact that they have a particular desire at all, even though it isn't the one that wins out, then we would have to conclude that we should monitor anyone who feels like beating someone up or killing them but doesn't act on that feeling, just in case they turn violent in the future. And this latter category would include all of us.

This loose analogy also raises the question: why single out paedophiles for this special attention and not other segments of the population (those who have violent sexual fantasies, those who are aggressive, those who have nothing against stealing, etc. etc.)?

msclvr92 wrote:But as I noticed on my own sexual adventure, masturbation feels THE SAME as actual sex.

Erm, you need to get out more.

msclvr92 wrote:So yeah, even though we don't feel right about leaving kids alone with a pedophile, maybe we shouldn't treat them like rapists.

The law judges people on their actions for a reason.

msclvr92 wrote:They have a substitution to illegal acts too, it's masturbation. Just like homosexuals don't have to rape an unwilling man, but find a willing one. I take back my previous post about having them monitored.

I don't know why you've used homosexual men as an example. Why not heterosexual men (for example)?

msclvr92 wrote:As for pedophilia being genetic or learned, I don't care which one it is. I pretty much think that the cause of pedophilia is the same as any other preference, which may be genetic or something learned.

Quite. Nobody knows at present, so any discussion in this regard has to remain speculative.