need help

i'm an alter in a DID system. the host doesn't know that i exist at the moment, though a couple of the other alters do. her husband knows that i exist, but only knows that i won't talk to him face to face. i can barely reply to his emails right now.

they have a daughter. and i'm very confused by my feelings about her. i know that my love for her is more then what most adults have for children. but i wouldn't hurt her (even if i wanted to, the other alters wouldn't let that happen). one of the many things i love about her is her innocence and i don't want to ever take that from her. i don't want to harm her. nor do i want to harm her family - i know that it would tear them to pieces.

i'm still disgusted by myself and ashamed of my existence. i know that the system went through a lot of abuse when young, and i don't know if that has anything to do with this.

Hi, darkenss! I'm sorry you're going through this, it must be very tough for you. Do the others know of your feelings for the kid? Try not to spend any time with her alone and make sure there's someone watching the whole time if you're out, if it's possible and you think it's necessary.
Maybe there are issues connected to the abuse that need to be addressed. Is your system in therapy?