Hebephilia, Ephebophilia, both, or none of the above??

I need help on figuring out what's wrong with me.

I'm a girl of 16, almost 17 years, and i seem to be obsessed with rape.

I used to use the word "sadistic" to describe the obsession, because rape could be seen as a form of torture, but i don't think it really fits.

Perhaps I can go into a bit of detail: When I'm walking around in the mall with my friends, and we're scanning for cute guys, my first thought is "oh he's cute" but at the same time, I'm thinking "I would love to see him being raped, crying, and begging the man to stop raping him." (sorry if that was graphic)

My fantasies about this go as young as age 12 to as old as age 19, and that scares me.

And, I'm not actually thinking of ME commiting the rapes, I always think of it as guys between the ages of 23-45 raping a boy between the ages of 12 and 19 and for whatever reason, this really turns me on. So, I don't know if I could call myself a rapist because, I'm not actually raping anyone! I just want to see it happen.

I have a problem, I know I do, but i don't know what it is and I'm WAYY too afraid to even TRY and tell my parents for fear of obvious judgement. I mean, how would you feel if your child came up to you one day and said, "I have fantasies about the hot guys I see being raped by college age/middle aged men!" You'd think your child was CRAZY.

So, can someone please tell me, if you can, what the heck is wrong with me! Cause I deal with this everyday and I don't like it. The fantasies happen anytime I see a guy I think is cute and since, I go to school everyday and I hang out with friends at malls and other social places, I'm gonna see cute guys and start thinking about this.

Is this one -philia, a mixture of -philias, or is it just a sick way of thinking that can't be fixed? *Confusion*

Welcome rodeo_clown,

When you think about rape, how does it make you feel? Does it sexually arouse you? Or is the problem more that you feel you can't control your thoughts and obsess about rape even when you don't want to?

This may be a bit personal, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but do you have a boyfriend or have you had one before? What have your experiences with males (father, uncles, male friends etc.) been like?

I'm just wondering if perhaps your obsession with attractive boys/men being raped could stem from the way you feel about men in general. Maybe if you've been hurt by males in the past, feel awkward around them, or if you have other negative feelings towards them, then imagining them being raped is a way you could make yourself feel better. Kind of like getting revenge on your bad feelings. Sometimes it's fun to imagine nasty things happening to people who make us feel bad.

It could also be that you are attracted to sadism. That doesn't make you weird or a bad person. A lot of men would like their girlfriend to get a bit rough and dominant or hurt them in the bedroom. As long as you would never do anything to hurt someone without their consent, and you can control your thoughts, I don't think you have a problem. But it sounds like you are saying your thoughts are out of control?

Whatever the case, I don't think you are crazy.

Thanks for the welcome and for replying to my post! :]
Lemme answer ur questions.

Platypus wrote:When you think about rape, how does it make you feel? Does it sexually arouse you? Or is the problem more that you feel you can't control your thoughts and obsess about rape even when you don't want to?

It's definitely arousal. Especially since one of my favorite shows is Law and Order Special Victims Unit (ironically) and I get aroused when they show episodes having to do with boys getting assaulted. Also, did I mention that I get aroused when I hear guys scream? Like in horror movies or even in daily life espcially if their screaming the words "Help" or "please" or something like that? >.< That's a reason why I say "obsessed" because in everyday life, I listen/look for for details that will remind me of guy getting raped. That's pretty weird...

Platypus wrote:do you have a boyfriend or have you had one before? What have your experiences with males (father, uncles, male friends etc.) been like?

I've only had one boyfriend and it only lasted 2 weeks. My relationship with my dad is fine, I only have a couple male friends, and when I was little, I had one uncle that I used to spend alot of time with but I remember I loved to go see him so that was a good relationship.

Platypus wrote:It could also be that you are attracted to sadism.

Uhmm, that IS creepy in my books. Then again, if that IS the problem, I guess I'd just have to accept it as a part of me?... ... ... ...eeek!

Hmmm...it seems to me like you enjoy the element of control/power and the effect it has on those who are vulnerable to it, and perhaps there is a part of you that you feel you want to exercise more control over, especially those thoughts that leave you feeling helpless because you can't stop thinking them.

It doesn't sound so much to me like a hebephilia/ephebophilia type of attraction as much as it is the power and control element that gets you going.

Is it that you imagine yourself carrying out the abuse, or that you like to see older guys wielding that power over their younger peers?

Because if it is control and power that you crave, perhaps you're simply looking for a guy who can take care of you. From a biological perspective, it is natural for girls to be attracted to stronger guys, but could you clarify exactly which parts you're aroused by?

Do you think it might be the control and the display of strength that turns you on, or is it the abuse inflicted upon the victim?

Or in other words, are you more attracted to the victim or the abuser?

I'm pretty much in the same position you are. I'm turning seventeen in November and the only way I get off is imagining the guys I'm dating being sexually humiliated in some way, usually by being ###$ by another guy. are you able to be aroused by anything else?

revolutionex wrote:Is it that you imagine yourself carrying out the abuse, or that you like to see older guys wielding that power over their younger peers?

I imagine an older guy wielding the power over their younger peers.

revolutionex wrote:could you clarify exactly which parts you're aroused by?

in terms of which part apart a younger guy (ages 12-19) being raped by an older guy (ages 23-45)? I'd say I'm aroused by the younger boy screaming and being degraded. Or the older guy asking things like "You like that don't you?" or the younger boy screaming for help and begging the older man to stop.

revolutionex wrote:Do you think it might be the control and the display of strength that turns you on, or is it the abuse inflicted upon the victim?

The abuse itself is what turns me on, not necessarily the power aspect. I admit I do like to see the boy fight back a little bit but ultimately get overpowered and raped. But the most arousal I get is from the actual rape

revolutionex wrote: are you more attracted to the victim or the abuser?

The victim. HANDS DOWN.

-- Fri Sep 30, 2011 9:15 pm --

jimmycarter wrote:I'm pretty much in the same position you are. I'm turning seventeen in November and the only way I get off is imagining the guys I'm dating being sexually humiliated in some way, usually by being ###$ by another guy. are you able to be aroused by anything else?

Hi :]
Glad to know there is someone else that's as weird as me (no offense ) But I get what you mean. I am aroused by just normal sex too. What about u? Are you just aroused by that?

When did you first realize you were having those thoughts and were aroused by them? Was there anything you saw that made it clear to you?

I myself struggle with hebephile/ephebophile attractions, but since I'd never hurt anyone and it breaks my heart to see it done to anyone else, rape and abuse is where I draw the line (visually, but not if I'm reading a story, oddly enough). I think for me, my attractions are more of a fantasy-based thing because there's a difference between imagining and actually seeing, so when I see abuse, my emotions kick in and override my sexuality.

Have you ever witnessed a rape or a younger kid getting beat up? I'm just trying to understand if this is an ongoing fantasy you've had or if you've ever been turned on by seeing the actual act itself.

(On a side note, as long as it's acted out consensually and all subjects are legal, I don't think you have too much of a problem. I used to know a friend of a friend who enjoyed rape fantasy and has role-played several times with his girlfriend.)

revolutionex wrote:When did you first realize you were having those thoughts and were aroused by them? Was there anything you saw that made it clear to you?

Oddly enough, it actually started with getting aroused by a guy raping a girl, but then it quickly changed when I saw an episode of law and Order: SVU and they did an episode about a ten year old Jewish boy getting raped by a kid who was 14 (I'm sure if you watch the show as much a I do, you know what I'm talking about). And when I first saw that, it was like 8th grade, so right around the onset of puberty. That episode made it clear to me. So then I started searching for episodes like those and I even bought some off of iTunes.

revolutionex wrote:I myself struggle with hebephile/ephebophile attractions, but since I'd never hurt anyone and it breaks my heart to see it done to anyone else, rape and abuse is where I draw the line.

And I feel the same way to a certain extent. I actually want to become an Assitant District Attorney because I hate when rape or abuse happens to kids that are really young (like pedophiles raping or abusing kids). And I thought that if I got a job like that and was exposed to real stories of rape, my obsession towards it would go away because I'd see the real pain it causes. Not to mention, I really do enjoy the field of work cause I'd actually be helping people :]

revolutionex wrote:Have you ever witnessed a rape or a younger kid getting beat up?

No. I've seen a kid at the emergency room AFTER he got beat up, and I kept imagining scenarios of what might have happened and getting aroused by them.

revolutionex wrote:(On a side note, as long as it's acted out consensually and all subjects are legal, I don't think you have too much of a problem. I used to know a friend of a friend who enjoyed rape fantasy and has role-played several times with his girlfriend.)

Well, that's good to know you don't think I havee a problem :]. I've always heard of people who like to role-play rape, but at the same time, I don't think that would apply here. I don't want to be the person acting out the rape, i want it to be a another older guy :/

Oh lord haha, I remember that episode of SVU, that was one of my personal favorites. I think that one was a big trigger for me. I remember going between Netflix and Wikipedia one night and saving all the episodes that were like that lol. I get what you mean though, because it's almost like you seem to see things how that older boy in the episode did, where he thought that when the younger kid was crying for help, it meant he liked it.

I thought about that after the episode was over and it made me think, would I really enjoy watching someone screaming for help and being abused? I didn't like that idea so much, because if it were me, I'd hate it.

There's actually a guy on these boards who posted a thread about how he was raped in the 1970s because his friend at the time enticed him into doing sexual things, then later his friend's older brother came into the picture and he got raped. After that, he himself ended up doing sexual things with his own younger brother, and both of them ended up pretty messed up in the head when they grew up. I won't mention the guy's username because I recently had a bit of an argument with him about my homosexuality (which I see as being separate from hebephilia because one is natural, the other isn't), but he understandably feels angry and disgusted about what happened to him, and that scars you and shapes a negative perspective of the world for the rest of your entire life.

So I try to keep in mind abuse and what it does to people before I do things that perpetuate my problems like looking for pictures of young boys and all that because although I'd never do anything that wasn't consensual or illegal, it's not a good idea to tempt yourself because then you end up looking twice or for too long at young boys in the real world, and it can really mess with your head.

As much as we like to think so, we aren't thinking clearly when that happens. I do keep fantasies in my head, and really, that's the only safe place they ever can be. It's better to learn your boundaries than to try so hard and get frustrated and angry, because there are some attractions that are fleeting and go away with time if you don't focus on them. Other ones, you might end up having for life, and as long as you learn to channel them properly and know when to take a breather, you'll be all right.

In your case however, if you do find a gay couple who enjoys rape fantasy, you could always ask them if you'd be allowed to watch =) (sorry if this is triggering or not your cup of tea lol. I'm just trying to suggest healthy and legal ways that you could let this out).

revolutionex wrote:I thought about that after the episode was over and it made me think, would I really enjoy watching someone screaming for help and being abused? I didn't like that idea so much, because if it were me, I'd hate it.

The scary thing about it is, I ask myself that question all the time and the truth is, i don't think I'd mind. And its hard to imagine myself being that cold hearted. One day, I told a friend about this "obsession" and my fantasies and she asked me that question. She used an example of a boy in my class (I'll call him Jack, seeing as I can't use his real name) and her question was something to the effect of "If you were walking down the street and you saw Jack getting attacked in an alley and he was screaming out for help, would you help him and stop the attack?" and my response was "Honestly, I think I'd wait until it was over, just so I could see it happen." :/

revolutionex wrote:So I try to keep in mind abuse and what it does to people before I do things that perpetuate my problems like looking for pictures of young boys and all that because although I'd never do anything that wasn't consensual or illegal, it's not a good idea to tempt yourself because then you end up looking twice or for too long at young boys in the real world, and it can really mess with your head.

You know, that is a problem for me. I skipped from in my head to in the real world. I didn't search for anything online until the problem was already transforming into reality and I'm now fantasizing at first glance in the real world. (i hope that made sense.) More plainly: It was quick; like as soon as the thoughts started in my head, I started looking for guys in the real world to stimulate the fantasies in my brain.

revolutionex wrote:as long as you learn to channel them properly and know when to take a breather, you'll be all right.

I'll see if I can start working on this then :] It won't be easy but, I'll see if I can get away from the shows I watch that trigger the fantasies. But it's like as soon as I see a guy anywhere, it doesn't even have to be a show about rape or showing the boy screaming or anything like that; it's like my brain is trained to think "cute boy=how can I imagine him getting raped?" Do you have any tips on how I could sort of "re-train my brain?"

revolutionex wrote:In your case however, if you do find a gay couple who enjoys rape fantasy, you could always ask them if you'd be allowed to watch =) (sorry if this is triggering or not your cup of tea lol. I'm just trying to suggest healthy and legal ways that you could let this out).

lmao. That's ok. I appreciate the advice though :] It's kind of settling to know its not really a -philia.