Infantalism-difficulty in relationships

by **I_Like_Diapers** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 9:18 pm

I don't like being this way. I don't want to be this way. It is abnormal. By abnormal I mean it was caused by some unspecific emotional trauma. Normal adults do not want to wear diapers or suck on pacifiers. There is something psychologically wrong with me (several things actually) that I don't think giving into my fetish would fix. It would only make it worse. I don't want to have a partner who treats me like a baby even when I ask. I want to be normal.

I'm absolutley sure there is someone for everyone. But if youre not going to be honest about who you are and what you want then how can you find it? I never heard of infantilism before today but gee as long as it doesnt harm anyone I dont think its so "bad" or "weird".

I pretrty much just figured out that Im a lesbian after being married for ten years and having two kids. And I always sort of knew but gee what a pain in the butt it is becasue its not exactly mainstream. It definately narrows the field for potential partners for one...On the bright side you dont have to come out to your friends and family, just the people you sleep with...or worry about eternal damnation...

Im sure its frustrating. I would like to "just be normal" myself. Not just about my sexual pref but about my OCD, etc. But you know what: you have to watch out for those normal people. It seems like the ones who profess to be so happy and "normal" never areally are once you get to know them. Theyre just as screwed up as everyone else. And worse becasue theyre ususally judgemental to boot.

All the best to you.

by **PinkMoon** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 1:50 am

Hello,

I'm more of a diaper lover (I don't prefer to regress, only be humiliated), but have the same feelings as you do. You said, "What women wants a man that prefers to be talked in baby-talk and treated like a baby to get off?" That pretty much sums it up for me, too. What a horrible feeling it is.

Especially since society expects men to be dominant and controlling.

Here's two things that might cheer you up:

1. I've had 2 serious girlfriends in my life, and BOTH of them had no problem getting out the diapers and diapering me. In fact, one night, the girl coaxed ME into it. I wasn't really comfortable wearing a diaper in front of a girl I just met, but she had no problem with it and even enjoyed it. So, considering I'm 2 for 2 (and neither girl had a kink before meeting me), I think you have a good chance at meeting a girl who won't object. I find that if you are true lovers, the diaper fetish really doesn't even become the #1 priority. Just make sure you give her what she wants, too. If you're flirting with a girl and she's looking for sex, of course your sexuality will turn her off. But what if you're both dedicated to each other and generally love each other? Give it time before infantilism gets involved.

2. There's a LOT of girls with kink. Any kink, not just diapers. I'd have a hard time imagining girls with interesting kinks rejecting your infantilism.

Well, best of luck to you.

by **seanetal** » Thu May 03, 2007 4:14 am

GUEST wrote:I am a Dominant female who is active in the BDSM community. I found your post b/c I was searching for articles on purging for a male submissive I am mentoring.

Your post broke my heart. I just had to reach out to you.

There are plenty of men out there like you, and plenty of women who LOVE them. I have several friends whose entire relationships are built around the infantilism dynamic.

I personally have two boys, one who is a transvestite (my "princess") and one who is a puppy. I adore them both, have great respect and love for them, and we have very satisfying and enriching relationships.

The advice from your therapist to hide these needs from potential partners is just pure #######4. Functional relationships are based on honesty. If you tell someone about your needs and they run, then they could never have been an appropriate partner for you. The only thing you can achieve by hiding your desires is the procurement of a dysfunctional and emotionally damaging relationship.

Also, the supression of such a major emotional need could very well be the CAUSE of most of your psychological disorders. Suppression causes neurosis, plain and simple. Finding a suitable partner will probablly do more for your mental state than a million dollars spent on therapists and meds ever could.

I have four BIG pieces of advice for you.

1. Switch to a kink-aware professional. You do not need to be "cured" of your fetish. You need to be taught to live a satisfying life that healthily includes it. Any therapist who tells you to hide or supress it is damaging you and prolonging your agony.

The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) maintains a directory of kink aware professionals at:
http://www.ncsfreedom.org/kap/

2. Join the BDSM/fetish community. I saw that you were from Michigan, the following is a link to organizations in that region:
http://www.darkheart.com/usalist.html#Michigan

3. Ask for a mentor/gaurdian. This person will be your protector, shielding you from predatory advances while you work through the process of finding yourself, establishing yourself in the community, and learning the ins and outs of this society. Only when you are ready to maintain an emotionally healthy relationship will your mentor release you to a partner of your choice.

4. Understand that you will experience a "frenzy" when you are first introduced to this atmosphere of understanding and acceptance. You are like a person who has been starving, and is about to be placed in front of a feast. You will want to gorge yourself, but it will hurt you if you do so. Understand that the average time period between entering the community and leaving gaurdianship is one to two years. You will have to get to know yourself all over again, from a perspective of love, acceptance, and understanding, before you will be ready for a relationship. Give it time.

I will be in Michigan for a lifestyle conference in late August. I would be happy to meet you and make some introductions for you then.

Best of luck to you, you have my heart-felt wishes for success and self-acceptance.

by **subsumedpat** » Mon Jun 07, 2010 5:16 pm

I try to figure it out, I have it too, just the diapers.

Too many people look for a single event or experiences to figure out what happened to cause the fetish, in this case diaper fetish. But it does not work like that, everything does not come together at an event and create the fetish. First you become susceptible to getting a fetish then your mind fixes on something, perhaps by the chance of timing or more likely a couple of things. Then it imprints on it and your stuck with the fetish.

This explains why 2 people can go through the exact same treatment and one comes out with a fetish and one does not. First something happened, perhaps it was the brain injury or the bout with epilepsy then I later but still at a young age fixated on a couple of things. Perhaps I got the diaper fetish because I got put back in diapers for wetting the bed. But here has to be more to it than that.

I am convinced that had it not been the diaper I still would have got a fetish for something else, so it is not so much what caused the diaper fetish but what caused a fetish at all in the first place, the diaper was just chance I imagine.

I guess I am lucky, I am glad I don't have a fetish from something illegal or that hurts someone. I only have to worry about embarrassing myself.

by **Spokane Girl** » Fri Jun 11, 2010 6:36 am

I had wonderful advice for Lost but I saw the post was from 2005. I hate it when old threads get bumped and the OP hasn't been logged in here since 2008. No use replying if the poster isn't here to read it. It's like talking to the dead.

by **mco** » Mon Feb 11, 2013 1:17 am

Spokane Girl wrote:I had wonderful advice for Lost but I saw the post was from 2005. I hate it when old threads get bumped and the OP hasn't been logged in here since 2008. No use replying if the poster isn't here to read it. It's like talking to the dead.

Not true Spokane Girl. People read these later (like myself) and your comments could potentially be very useful to them.

by **QuackQuack** » Tue Feb 12, 2013 5:50 am

hi mco,

in case you are reading there is a big ABDL community on fetlife.com. here in toronto they have get-togethers (non-play, non-hookup brunches) and also play-dates - non-sexual gatherings in private homes where babies can dress up and play with other littles.

i play young, but not that young... but i do know plenty of people in the community who have found loving partners.

by **Blben** » Tue Feb 12, 2013 3:14 pm

At least you are not attracted to the babies and infants themseleves, I don't have infantalism but I am a nepiophie and I am sexually attracted to babies and infants, talk about having hard time at relationships when you are primarily attracted to little humans that can't even speak. I am sure that you will get through this as time goes on where you will feel more comfortable.

by **minotauros** » Sun Mar 10, 2013 6:12 am

I've heard of people like you before....

You'd be a fun friend to alot of people who enjoy pampering people. It's not a bad thing. Its weird but alot of things people do are weird. My making up constructed languages is weird, but I love it. My having the mind of and wanting to play like I'm in my early teens is weird. But I'll always be in my early teens, but in reality I'm entering into my midtwenties. It's the same thing, just more extreme an age difference.

A friend of mine has been adopted by someone who acts as a dad for him. He's 21. I envy him lol. I want to financially support myself, but live like a teenager. I want to play with legos and play pokemon games. They're still fun!

Infantalism-difficulty in relationships

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