Any UK groups to help pedophiles

Hi guys, I've just joined and I think this forum could help a little, after reading a few different posts I think this is the best place to put my first one (if not please say), I am in my 40s, live in the UK and I am looking for a group either online or better still real life to help with my feelings.

A bit about me, I was abused as a child, I don’t remember very much about it but I do have very bad dreams which I think are fuelled by my past, in my late teens I started going to sex/fetish clubs and having sex with anyone (I'm bi) I dated lots of different women but because of my wants/feelings I end up destroying the relationship.

I understand the whole "abused becoming an abuser" thing which is why I decided a few years ago not to have a relationship with anyone, I am attracted to lots of different men and women but over the last few years I have developed an attraction to children (any age), I have cut myself off from any meaningful contact and I feel that if I keep myself to myself that nothing will happen, don’t get me wrong I would never rape a child but I feel that if I meet a teen girl (legal) and date her it could be the beginning of me getting younger and younger lovers, or worse still dating a woman with kids, I don’t want to put myself or anyone else in a position that could result in abuse.

By the way I constantly think about suicide and I have attempted it 3 times in my life, I know its not a brilliant thing to consider but if my life now consists of me living alone, thinking horrible thoughts that doesn’t sound like a fantastic life.

From what I have read I'm sure most people will be nice and supportive but if you don’t like anything I have said please don’t be nasty or #######5 with me, I am trying to understand how I feel and if there is anyway I could have a relationship in the future.

I welcome any thoughts or questions especially from people in the UK, please feel free to reply or pm me if that's too public, many thanks.

Hi Mike,

Welcome to the forum. I am from the south coast of England. I only know of one organisation in the UK, called stopitnow.org.uk. I'm not sure if they're any good, as I've had no contact with them. You always have to be careful with such organisations, because behind an altruistic veneer of support they may (I stress: may) turn out to be a bunch of vigilantes, but it's worth looking at their site, their confidentiality statement and their vision and mission statement.

Of course, there is a lot of support here too. You will meet some people who share some aspects of your attraction to minors, those with other paraphilias, those who have been abused, etc. etc. Most people here are open-minded and looking to provide as much support as possible.

I'm sorry to hear you were abused and that you have been suicidal. I'm also sorry to hear that you feel you need to shut yourself off from society. You will know best what is right for you, but I would tentatively like to suggest that if shutting yourself off has led to loneliness and suicidal ideation/suicide attempts, then it can't be the ideal solution. It's clear you're looking for human contact and understanding, which is why you're here and why you're looking for a support organisation with whom you can talk. I actually think isolation from children is a negative thing, because by telling yourself you can't be anywhere near them because you might act out, you effectively render them all potential sexual objects rather than seeing them as individual human beings. Again, you'll know what works best for you, but I do think that isolation only serves to increase your frustration and solipsize the world-out-there and decrease your capacity to bond with people and enjoy healthy human interaction and bonding, all of which surely makes you perhaps more likely to abuse.

I don't know. Maybe you could tell us more about your feelings. But welcome.

Hi Gina, thanks for your lovely reply, the reason i posted here is because this looks like the best place, i have looked at a few diff sites but this one seems to have a large and varied membership and so could help with my feelings not just the ones to children but the others i have as well but i thought i would try to understand this one because it can be the most damaging.

I did feel that i was ok with my abuse but now im older and having had gf after gf dump me because i try to get them to do extreme things with me i think that i may not be, i thought at the time that i was just having fun but now (looking with detachment) it feels like i was putting myself in very risky situations time after time which makes me think i was affected more than i thought.

I think if i was in a position to do anything really bad i would try to kill myself again because i would rather leave this earth than do something like that, but my thoughts can be very dark and sometimes nice and loving hence trying to figure it out.

I'm not sure i would be ok with posting my deepest feelings/desires in an open forum i dont want to upset anyone, i do want human contact, gf/bf and all that but the only people i feel understand me are the ones that have been abused and i can understand how they feel (well most of the time), i think that if people have feelings that they dont understand and want help that there should be somewhere to go to in real life to see if they can get to grips with it and find out about programs that may help them without others giving them a hard time, and i know it may be seen as wrong but even people (mainly men) that have acted out but want to change should be given the chance.

Again thanks for your reply.

After reading your post again, I was wondering... I hope you won't mind me asking a couple of questions, just to play devil's advocate. You say you recently developed an attraction to underage children; does this mean that until your 40s you weren't attracted to them? You also worry that if you had a chance to date a young but legal girl this might fuel your thoughts. It sounds like there's a tremendous amount of anxiety in you surrounding this issue, and I wonder which is stronger - anxiety about the issue or the attraction itself? Feel free to PM me if you feel uncomfortable posting things like this on a public forum.