pedophilia? Im struggling

Hey Everyone,
I have posted on here many times before. I am struggling with whether or not I have peodphilia or if its just OCD. Everyone has been telling me its ocd. People on this forum, people on the OCD forum, and actual pedophiles have all told me I dont have pedophilia. I have posted my story before, so I wont do it again.

But, whats bothering me now is I think I have just realized that I may have pedophilia. Here's why:

I am a camp counselor. I have worked at this camp for 4 years and I have been going there since I was a little kid. This year there was a kid named jake there. He's 11 years old. For whatever reason, I liked Jake more than any other kid. Like I really wanted him to like me and think I was cool and look up to me and be his role model. But like when Jake was around I would get nervous and try and act cool to impress him and all the stuff that I used to do around girls my own age. I day dream about him and imagine myself being a big basketball star and having him look up to me. I went way out of my way to talk to him and all that.

I never fantasized about him sexually, but I feel if I were to see him naked it would arouse me. And I feel the emotional attraction I have with him isnt normal.

Also, now that camp just ended, I wont see him again until next summer. And to be honest that kind of depresses me. But i feel like that shouldnt depress me. It feels like this is what A guy missing a girl would feel like.

Do you guys have any suggestions?

I am just curious but how old are you?

If you have been struggling with your desires for more than 6 months like the experts always say then you probably are a pedophile or have those desires. It might be easy for me to say that because I am a pedophile and have been in the same shoes that you have been in many many many times and know what its like to have a crush on a young boy that you like or even a young girl since I like both. Its so normal to have a crush on a child in the same way that a man has a crush on a women, we have the same feelings and desires.

My best advice is to just embrace who you are and not fear what you are. Its hard to do but once you do it then you will realize that life is amazing if you don't label yourself just because you are attracted to children. I am not saying that you should go out and act on your desires with a child but what I am saying is that you should embrace who you are so then you are not worrying if you are a pedophile or not one. I used to dwell on that fact so much that it just made me depressed and it got me nowhere. Whocares if you are a pedophile or not! I think that you can sometimes be attracted to children without actually being a pedophile.

I mean sometimes straight guys want to have sex with other guys but that doesn't really mean that they are gay all the time. I think labels are so lame in the first place. If ya ever need to talk just email me or message me. I might be kind of biased since I am a pedophile but I am a good listener and have been like this for some time.

Kidcuddi, maybe it would be good to talk to your psych about this, explain what's been going on. If you can't get this sorted, maybe you shouldn't be around kids a lot, at least for a while. Talk to your psych about this and ask them what they think.

Blben, please be careful about telling people that it's normal to feel attracted to children. I'm sure you don't mean any harm or anything.

Hi Kidcudi14,

I think you already know what I think as we have discussed this before, I just want to ask is this not almost the same sort of situation as last time? With you wanting to be a role model and nothing more? Or is this a lot different?

well its basically the same topic but with added info. I feel like I miss this kid more than I should and that worries me.

Maybe it's different feelings but still due to the OCD, you could ask your doc to ease your mind. And even if you're a pedophile, it's not the end of the world, you would just have to be careful.

It is true. Knowing for sure is a very helpful thing. It isn't unusual for this process to take a while, meaning, it isn't unusual for this to take a while. Not everyone knows for sure right away, just like with any other kind of sexuality. Some people don't realize or fully accept aspects of their sexualities sometimes until mid-life, like 30's, 40's.