Why do Paraphilias develp in young child?

I started noticing paraphilias when i was around 5 years old. I would not like to talk about too many details, but it's not paedophilia - i never harmed anyone.

The problem is that i suffered from dozens of different paraphilias. Some diminished (exhibicionism for example), but i still have a lot of them. Thankfully, i can enjoy normal sexual intercourse with women. But i just don't understand why i have so many paraphilias... why did they developed so early. I know i started mastrubating very early (age 4 or 5) and since then i've been doing it at least twice daily (I'm 20).

I was always turned on by unsual things... why is this? What are possible causes? I can hardly accept that it just happens, surely there is something that contributed to this behaviour? I was couting a bit now and i figured i have/had at least 20 different paraphilias...

You should seek the help of a sexual therapist to get the real answers here but my guess would be the reactions your parents or family had to your body helped create these. If your parents were overly embarrassed by your walking around as a toddler without clothes for example, you may have developed the exhibitionism in response because it was exciting to have that sort of power over your parents.

The fact that you were sexualized early (early masturbation in your case) means that you had more time to develop those habits as you were growing.

I believe paraphilias can develop as a coping mechanism of sorts; to cope with emotional or physical distress, the person sexualises their ordeal. This is most likely what happened with me. In your case it's probably a bit different; seanetal's idea is definietly worth considering. Seems to relate to the Jungian shadow, doesn't it - if you were kept from taking clothes off and feeling free and unconstrained, then the repressive force could well have developed into a fetish, as a way to express that need.

Here's what happened to me.

Before I even started learning to walk, I was imitating the way my mum sat, which was with lower legs splayed out at the knees. Unfortunately, this position proved very unhealthy for an infant with developing bones. Consequently I ended up duck-footed and with crooked knees. My parents took me to one physiologist who recommended breaking and setting my legs; they refused to do this, so instead they used leg braces, which were arguably even worse.

The problem was that these things hurt and were so uncomfortable that, twenty years later, when I stand in a certain position (as another physiologist made me realise) I find myself in intense emotional discomfort and unbearable frustration. As a baby, I had to wear the things every night before bed, and I was unable to sleep. So I'd roll around trying to do anything for the discomfort, and of course crying. Furthermore unfortunate was that my parents took the advice of a child psychologist and decided the best approach to this would be controlled crying. The gist of this is that you ignore the child's crying, so that he learns he can't get what he wants (love, attention, relief) just by throwing a tantrum. This went on for several months.

Every morning when I got up, I would have to have a hug with my mum on the couch for about an hour before I was ready to do anything else. (It astounds me that she never saw the connection between the leg braces and this need for comfort.) I also found great comfort in sleeping in the same bed as my dad. Then my sister was born, and my parents had to turn their attention almost completely towards her. Like any two-year-old, I was confused and upset about this, but I took this to an extreme and apparently tried to kill her at one point. I needed my parents' love and focus due to the physical and psychological trauma I'd experienced, but they had their eyes set on this new squealing thing, and didn't have time for me. Once again I was getting no sleep. My parents ridiculed my outbursts and ignored me, so one by one my channels of expression were blocked up. A child's next natural defense mechanism is to dissociate.

Dissociating is what I'd been doing all through the leg bracing ordeal as well. I coped by sexualising it. 'Poor me, going through all this pain, not deserving it, just needing comfort.' There was a divide between the dissociative fantasies of warmth, and the dysphoria of the moment. I learnt strange lessons about love and pain and how they related. I developed masochistic and narcisistic tendencies. I learnt that I had to rely on myself and my own mind, from the age of one, and that no one else could be trusted to meet or even understand my needs.

This circumvented what probably would have been heterosexuality. I idealised nappies and baby things, which to me represented a time of bliss and ease. I idealised things being small and vulnerable, even helpless, and felt a strong drive to care for them or be cared for. There was always a certain character to these fantasies, a heroism in the protagonist that I could relate to, some way to transpose my identity and traumas onto the fiction of it, so it was always, really, happening to me. I idealised people being in constrained situations, of course. Part of this was to feel wrapped up tight in something peaceful yet confining, like a blanket. I idealised various transformations, e.g. from human to animal. By the age of four I had a long list of fetishes and it was just the way things were.

The nappy fantasies became infantilism and age regression. The being small and vulnerable became both microphilia and general masochism. The wrapping-up sensation became vore. The transformations speak for themselves. There were a handful of others scattered about in my mind too.

I grew up disconnected from people. I never learnt to sympathise with or love others. To this day I rarely feel anything for anyone - concern, happiness, attachment. All my love is expressed through sexuality and fantasies in my head. My own mother hit her head badly and ended up in hospital; I felt no worry. One of my best friends told me he's dying; nothing. My sister got electrocuted; didn't care enough to run outside and see what she was screaming for. No, instead I feel great warmth for the idea of people being physically rejuvenated to childhood, to be cared for as children again. And that's where all my compassion goes. I never understood why sticking one appendage in another would be sexually gratifying. Aside from these paraphilias, I am thoroughly asexual.

I am, however, highly capable of putting myself in someone else's position and empathising. That's how I've gotten through my life without people thinking I'm some kind of sociopath. I understand well enough when people feel pain or joy, and I do want to help them out so I relate to them in my head, and intellectualise how I should approach their feelings. There's some want to do good but it's very confusing. I have a lot of friends and I've told some of them about the disconnection from other people, but none of them about the paraphilias.

Like you, I had a whole cluster of them, but they dimmed out as I grew up. Around puberty they blinked out to just age regression and vorephilia. I hope my story helps and you can gain something from it.

Hellon, Divinorum has given us a thorough recounting of events during critical developmental stages which likely influenced his or her paraphilias. D's lovemap was vandalized, resulting in unusual sexual expression. I wonder if something similar happened to you?

Father of Sexology John Money wrote about this phenomenon extensively. I recommend reading Lovemaps: Clinical Concepts of Sexual/Erotic Health and Pathology, Paraphilia, and Gender Transposition in Childhood, Adolescence, and Maturity and
Vandalized Lovemaps: Paraphilic Outcome of Seven Cases in Pediatric Sexology.

Thanks for the recommendations, Shrink Rap. I'm particularly interested in the Vandalised Lovemaps book. I also notice that the recommended similar books at the bottom include Alice Miller, who I strongly recommend reading for an enlightening look on our society's completely warped views on how to raise children, and what traumatic effects it has on them later in life - she doesn't focus on the sexual but it's nonetheless very illuminating. Though, take it with a grain of salt, of course.

Thanks for all informations. It was interesting reading it. I doubt i'll find reasons why paraphilias developed in my case, but thanks for all suggestions&stories.

Hell on Earth wrote:Thanks for all informations. It was interesting reading it. I doubt i'll find reasons why paraphilias developed in my case, but thanks for all suggestions&stories.

Do you know of any experiences you may have had in early childhood that might have affected the development of your paraphilia?

Sorry for late reply.
I don't know. All i know is that i've been obssesed with mastrubation since i was 5 years old. I know that my mother was always kissing me and hugging me all the time, but she never abused me or something, so i don't know if this could have impact on it...

Hell on Earth wrote:Sorry for late reply.
I don't know. All i know is that i've been obssesed with mastrubation since i was 5 years old. I know that my mother was always kissing me and hugging me all the time, but she never abused me or something, so i don't know if this could have impact on it...

Mothers hugging and kissing their children is quite normal behavior. I doubt that is what caused your polyparaphilia.

Do you remember how you discovered masturbation or how it began?

Have you ever sought advice of a clinical or research sexologist? They would be in the best position to answer your very interesting question. If you do, I hope you'd share some insights with us.

The problem is that nobody knows about it. I dont think i could talk about those problems with anyone, simply because of my fear - if anyone would found out i have paraphilias, it would destroy my life. Its one of my most deepest secrets that ill probably keep with myself until i die...
Thanks for reply.