Paranoid?

Hello!

So I decided to come on here because I wanted to ask a question and have/hear others thoughts or insight on the situation.

When I was 16, I was living with my Mother and her friend of 20 years. He was a super nice guy. But we noticed while living with him he had unusual behaviour.....for instance he had a lock on his bedroom door and a computer in there although there was a public one in living room. He spent much of him time in there. Any ways, we came across some dvd's of child pornography. He had never done anything to me. And to anyone outside of the circumstance would have ever guessed. Its shocking when something like that happens, you feel as though they were not who you thought they were.

So, my point to explaining all of this is that I am concerned about my best friend whom has very similar characteristics. Both do not have children. Both passive-aggressive. Both have addiction problems. Both are loners, who spend majority of their time alone at home. Both play guitar. Both are left handed. Both very wonderful with kids, which makes one wonder why they don't have their own. Both are quite intelligent. Both molested as children. Both spend majority of their time on the computer watching pornography. But my friend doesn't have a job with children involved, also doesn't surround himself with children, or have younger friends, also has left me alone in the presents of his computer turned on, and doesn't want take my kid by himself/ doesn't offer to babysit, yet when he has he doesn't ask for money. My friend has difficulty keeping and maintaining an erection with sex with woman. Rarely ejaculates. He always seems to be with woman whom have children. When we have sex together it is along the lines of BDSM.The one time I was actually able to get him to orgasm was when we were in his living room and my child was visible because he had fallen asleep on the other couch.He also collects comics and colours and has toy type figurines kicking around Also in a moment of drunkenness he had told me a story of how he had given someone he knew a old computer of his. Which he had thought he cleared it. But I guess this guy went on his registry or something and found a photo of and under age girl (apparently not a kid though) and video or pictures of nudist camps. Which concerned me because my Mom's friend whom was a pedophile had very similar things that we discovered. But my Mom's friend had stuff with actual sexual acts on children 5 and under. So I am wondering if this is signs of being a pedophile? I trust my friend 100 percent even with my child, but I do find this a bit concerning. Maybe I am just being paranoid because of my experiences in life. I think even if I were to find out he was, I would still be his best friend. He is a great person, passionate, caring, smart. I love him no matter what. So I would hate to know he has lied about this. I have asked him about it kind of. He knows I have paranoia. I told him how I had worried he was, but not with this amount of detail.

Thanks for reading.

So I am wondering if this is signs of being a pedophile?

Some of his actions seem suspiciously close to it.

damn, almost nails me to a tee......

um, i have many of those traits.
it's one of those things that you could say that computer gamers would fit into that category (at least some of them).
don't pressure him in any way.. i have learned that stress is a trigger which leads me to seek that kind of material out...
I would say to him "i'm here for you for anything you need to say, and i mean anything." i say it this way as i was reluctant to tell my mom any problems i was having. truthfully, i told a doctor before i told anyone close to me.
to me, a lot of people are good with kids. but really and truely, their are only some hints that you spot.. for instances, you can tell somewhat if you see that person eye-balling a kid in a bathing suit at a pool. some will be nervous as hell if are around children and others will act normal.
it's one of those, you won't know until, they tell, you find something or the cops come knocking....
someone who has this are less likey to tell unless they want to stop, and even coming out of the woodwork and telling your most darkest secret is like dropping a ships shield and letting the missile hit your ship and blow your life to hell in microseconds.
it took me nearly 3 months to tell someone what i was going through and i tried to commit suicide which made me decide to get help because if i didn't get some kind of help, i wouldn't be here most likely.
i personally just wrote a note to my mom which was short and to the point.

Without knowing this person it is very hard on a forum to tell. Some may argue a nudist site is not porn but i guess it depends who's looking and what their reason is. I am a nudist and to be honest I avoid nudist sites with pictures of children and would not download any to my computer. for that matter I don't download any of those pics. I was never much into porn or nude pics.
I have been a loner most of my life and it is not uncommon for people to think bad thoughts of people who are. I have been accused of being gay, among other thing none of which I am. Most of society are stereo types, they figure everyone should fit into the general mold or something is wrong with them.
Having said that, one can never tell what is going through a persons mind, and the amount of pedophiles being caught is up like 900%, mostly because of computers. But going to a couple of nudist site does make for a pedophile.
I am great with kids, have no interest in them sex wise but I have looked after some for friends in the past. But since age 30 had no desire to have kids or be married. Given todays mindset, I would prefer no contact with children as there are so many been falsly accused of taking advantage of children or children getting mad at a person and falsly accusing them of abuse.
Being a loner for 20 years and a older man, sadly society would be quick to condem me, so I just will not look after kids anymore.
So guess what I am trying to say is things are rarely what they appear on the surface.

hatelove wrote:Hello!
...
The one time I was actually able to get him to orgasm was when we were in his living room and my child was visible because he had fallen asleep on the other couch.

Hi, and welcome.

I'm thinking maybe in that situation, he concentrated because he wanted to get it over with quickly without waking the child.

It's a shame he has problems performing though, but that could be due to all kinds of things.

hatelove wrote:Hello!
When I was 16, I was living with my Mother and her friend of 20 years.
...
And to anyone outside of the circumstance would have ever guessed. Its shocking when something like that happens, you feel as though they were not who you thought they were.

You do see people in a different, perhaps broader, light once you get to know things about them that are very different from what you were used to. But still. They are themselves and the same.
You knowing that he enjoyed masturbating to pictures of kids having sex - icky as that may be - doesn't change how he related to you. It's not possible to have a human relationship and interact with pornography, but one can do that with actual humans.

Anyway, if this is something that bothers you, how about broaching the subject carefully, by bringing up the example of this friend of your mother, if / when you get the chance to?

You could just randomly ask "Are you a pedophile?" at an abrupt and random moment. I bet the shock of it would be enough for him to have a give-away reaction, though one would probably jolt at that even if one wasn't, so you'd have to be good at reading expressions.

It also might damage your friendship, especially if he isn't.

But let's look at your list... I match a lot of these points yet I am not a pedophile. However my major fetish involves adults being turned into kids, so it does have to do with childhood. Does it influence my behaviour and mindset? Without doubt. But I am not a threat to children. Whereas a pedophile might be... but it seems like you trust him. But if he is, I think it could only help for him to have your support.

Both do not have children. Check.
Both passive-aggressive. Can be.
Both have addiction problems. I stay off alcohol and I'm not addicted to any of the psychadelics I use, but I do get addicted to stupider things like chocolate and the internet.
Both are loners, who spend majority of their time alone at home. Check, if I only could.
Both play guitar. Both are left handed. These traits seem quite arbitrary.
Both very wonderful with kids Check, usually.
Both are quite intelligent. Check.
Both molested as children. No. Though one does not necessarily entail the other anyway.
Both spend majority of their time on the computer watching pornography. Well not the majority, but it's a vice for sure. (Reading AR stories, viewing comics.)
But my friend doesn't have a job with children involved, also doesn't surround himself with children, or have younger friends, also has left me alone in the presents of his computer turned on, and doesn't want take my kid by himself/ doesn't offer to babysit, yet when he has he doesn't ask for money. Neither do I, and I've let a friend use my computer while I was high off my brain on DXM, though I knew my cookies had been wiped and all the AR stories I'd written and read were in a secure, password-protected folder.
My friend has difficulty keeping and maintaining an erection with sex with woman. I've never had sex and don't want to. Keep in mind too that some pedophiles are only attracted to children, whereas some are attracted to children and adults.
He always seems to be with woman whom have children. On its own this could be a coincidence, but it is definitely worth noting...
When we have sex together it is along the lines of BDSM. People may disagree but I think this is also a possible indicator.
He also collects comics and colours and has toy type figurines kicking around. I can certainly idealise childhood and often like to read through things I wrote as a kid, not for sexual reasons, but I do think someone with any paraphilia concerning childhood in any way (age regression, ageplay, infantlism and yeah, pedophilia) may also feel some special emotional connection to those things.

You know, it's possible he's actually into ageplay, or less likely statistically speaking, age regression. If that's the case it's really quite harmless and innocent, though he may have a lot of trouble admitting it. I certainly would. I've never told anyone in my life about AR.

Welcome to the forum hatelove.

Why would left-handed be relevant?