Boy trying to seduce me, need help

Have you ever thought that maybe the kid just wanted to be your friend, he probably wasn't seducing you. He probably had some kind of weird imagination where you were thinking wrong.

He did what was appropriate in the quickest way he could. The timing wasn't his fault. Plus he's 16. If you expect him to control urges, hormones and keep it all on an amenable schedule, good luck. He did good and should be supported and not questioned, period.

Shrink Rap wrote:Not sure why you call that "going well." I can't believe you hurt the kid like that. And on his birthday??? What were you thinking? Why did this suddenly become such an emergency after all this time that you had to do it exactly on his birthday? So now we have a hurt boy, parents who hate you, and your own parents who are disgusted. My God. You managed to traumatize the kid, alienate both his and your parents, as well as traumatize yourself, and without even calling the police! It went well, did it?

I don't mean to get down on you, but I am just having a hard time trying to fathom what happened and why. I am really sorry you seen to have taken to heart the well-meaning but misguided advice of some of the posters here. It is incredible that these are people who claim to care so much about children and now are applauding the fact that you did the right thing by hurting him. Just bizarre.

I'm really surprised by your reaction Shrink Rap, and by your condemnation of inferiority. You may have a different view to others here, but inferiority was the only one of us who was there in the moment. I don't think it's helpful to be so judgemental or to assume that you know best.

Do you think that parents "hurt" and "traumatise" their children every time they don't give a child what it wants? Should a child's wishes always be granted?

If you are so aghast at inferiority's actions, perhaps you could explain how you would have handled the situation differently so that he can take your advice for future scenarios.

I'm surprised too, and I'll +1 everything Platypus just said again.

I think your advice about the police, and denying involvement, is valid. I had similar concerns. What I meant was,

Make sure you've broken contact with him for a while, then find someone else who's willing to help and in a position to do so. Even if all they do is tip off the police, that's something. If you've left some time, the family shouldn't link back to you. Perhaps they will, and you have to ask yourself if that's a risk you're willing to take for this kid's sake.

Remember, he is probably being abused. I think it's worth it.

Inferiority, don't let Shrink Wrap get you down about that, you did the right thing even though it was hard, and well done.

Platypus wrote:

Shrink Rap wrote:Not sure why you call that "going well." I can't believe you hurt the kid like that. And on his birthday??? What were you thinking? Why did this suddenly become such an emergency after all this time that you had to do it exactly on his birthday? So now we have a hurt boy, parents who hate you, and your own parents who are disgusted. My God. You managed to traumatize the kid, alienate both his and your parents, as well as traumatize yourself, and without even calling the police! It went well, did it?

I don't mean to get down on you, but I am just having a hard time trying to fathom what happened and why. I am really sorry you seen to have taken to heart the well-meaning but misguided advice of some of the posters here. It is incredible that these are people who claim to care so much about children and now are applauding the fact that you did the right thing by hurting him. Just bizarre.

I'm really surprised by your reaction Shrink Rap, and by your condemnation of inferiority. You may have a different view to others here, but inferiority was the only one of us who was there in the moment. I don't think it's helpful to be so judgemental or to assume that you know best.

Maybe you missed the part that I bolded above. However, I would condemn anyone who harmed a child. As far as being judgmental, everyone on this thread has been making judgments. And I daresay, because of my experience (including professional) I DO know better than many people.

Do you think that parents "hurt" and "traumatise" their children every time they don't give a child what it wants? Should a child's wishes always be granted?

Straw man. I never said any such thing, nor do I think it. It just wasn't necessary to do it in that way at that time, although I now understand why inf did so.

If you are so aghast at inferiority's actions, perhaps you could explain how you would have handled the situation differently so that he can take your advice for future scenarios.

In the first place, I would not have done it on his birthday. Maybe because you have never been a boy nor a boylover, you are not aware of how important these are to boys, especially at age 10-11.

Then, I would not have pushed the issue. The situation was difficult no matter what, so I think I would have just ridden it out as the status quo, although inferiority urgently felt like he needed some resolution, so we disagree there.

Finally, I am acutely aware that I am not the one in the situation, and inf is the one who must make the decisions about how to conduct his life and live with the consequences thereof. It is just sad to see a strong friendship dissolve on the basis of thoughts in the minds of others.

Make sure you've broken contact with him for a while, then find someone else who's willing to help and in a position to do so. Even if all they do is tip off the police, that's something. If you've left some time, the family shouldn't link back to you. Perhaps they will, and you have to ask yourself if that's a risk you're willing to take for this kid's sake.

Remember, he is probably being abused. I think it's worth it.

Years would have to go by before the family will forget about inf. Don't even think about it.

As far as the bolded part above, it really belongs on the "Myth" thread. In fact, I believe it is already there. People really need to stop perpetuating this discredited idea, especially in this case when we have evidence, in the form of the person actually in the situation (inf) saying he is likely not being abused.

I agree it was unfortunate to do it on his birthday, perhaps it could have waited, but it's done now and, much as I do remember how important birthdays were as a kid, I doubt he'll be traumatised.

As for whether or not to act, the factor is self-preservation, and it's up to inf to decide.

But I'm not sure where your idea that the boy hasn't been abused came from because inferiority actually said he thought this was likely, if you look back. I know kids at ten can be curious but what's described here is more than just curiosity, I think it needs to be investigated further at least.

Divinorum wrote:But I'm not sure where your idea that the boy hasn't been abused came from because inferiority actually said he thought this was likely, if you look back. I know kids at ten can be curious but what's described here is more than just curiosity, I think it needs to be investigated further at least.

Going back through all his comments, inferiority only said abuse was a possibility, not "likely". I think it may well be possible that he is involved with his 14-year-old brother, but I wold hesitate to call that "abuse."

Also after re-reading the comments, I want to say I may have reacted a bit harshly, as inferiority had been telling us that was his plan for a number of days before he did it, even mentioning the birthday party although I didn't expect that to be the occasion also of the confrontation. Nevertheless, I still find the course of action taken problematic.

Hi Inferiority,

What you did was 100% the right thing to do. I'm surprised no one here has brought up the way some disabled/mentally handicapped kids can be, so I'll bring it up now.

They can get obsessed with sex and all things sexual and not fully understand it. I've seen it before in 3 different mentally disabled children, and in all cases the parents never paid much attention to it. Part of it is that they're living in a world ridden with guild because their kid is messed up. Part of it is that they believe their kids don't really understand what it is, they just like to say those things.

With this kids parents telling you it's okay and normal, etc - they say that now, but if you actually did anything with their kid, they would come down on you with a hellfire because they are expecting you to be responsible because you're older.

I grew up with my mentally disabled (Aspergers) brother constantly trying to rape me, touch me, etc - my parents would tell me that he's a boy and thats normal, and I should let him touch me. When I fought him back and hit him or harmed him to defend myself, he'd go crying to them and they'd scream at me because I was older and should know better.

However your story about this boy in particular made me think of this girl I used to babysit with cerebral palsy (and my friend's sister who was exactly the same). I'm not attracted to girls or children, but I kept thinking that in the wrong situation she would be a pedophile's dream girl. It scared me.

When babysitting her, she was obsessed with sex at around age 11. I'd put her to bed and a little while later she'd come out fully naked and the following would happen every time:
"look, I have pubic hair"
"yes, I see, let's get your nightgown back on"
"wanna touch it?"
"no, that's inappropriate"
"I want you to touch it!"
"I'm sorry sweetie, but thats not what you ask other people to do. lets get you back to bed"
"NO NOT UNTILL YOU TOUCH IT!!!"

In which case Id have to distract her with ice cream or something. Sometimes I'd get "If you don't touch it I'll tell my parents!" to which I would always tell her good, tell them!

There was also a lot of "I'm gonna have my period, wanna see?" (and take off her pants) "Look at my boobies growing, want to feel them?" (lift up her shirt) And she was also obsessed with sticking her fingers in her girl dog's privates. When her parents were present, and she'd talk about how she was gonna have sex with (insert male neighbor or friend here) they would just smile and nod and say "okay sweetie"

My friend's sister (also with cerebral palsy) would do the same sort of thing, though with much less of a frequency.

I had a therapist tell me they all get that way around prepubescence - and some of them outgrow it, and some of them no. They're just less inhibited, and while everything about sex fascinates them, whether or not they actually want to have sex or do a sexual act should be a moot point because they don't understand it and usually hate it when it happens.

Similarly is a story about a slightly retarded girl who had sex for the first time and went screaming crying to her doctor to tell them she had married a sex maniac who had sex with her 50 times in one night! through a bit of questioning, she had simply counted how many times he went in and out and thought each one was "having sex once" It's a funny story, but also very sad when you think about it. She couldn't have sex with her new husband again - she couldn't wait to have sex, and it terrified her when thats what she found out what it was.

They don't understand, and the parents just want their kid to be happy and don't fully understand their sexualized nature at all (or think that they aren't sexual beings, so innuendos are just that, and nothing more)

either way, stay the hell away from the kid. He'll get over you hurting his feelings. His parents don't understand whats going on, so let them be mad at you, and be happy knowing that you're being the bigger person and doing the right thing whether or not they recognize it.

Yeah. Actually, you should probably all ignore everything I said. I somehow missed the part where the boy was handicapped. Listen to turtlegirl.

turtlegirl wrote:What you did was 100% the right thing to do. I'm surprised no one here has brought up the way some disabled/mentally handicapped kids can be, so I'll bring it up now.

No one has brought it up because there is no evidence that that is the case.

All that inferiority said was that the boy might be having some psychological problems, and that he'd rate his mental health as a 7 out of 10, with his parents an 8. Who among us does not have psychological problems? And inferiroity, how would you rate your mental health and that of your own family which you have already described as dysfunctional (as many families are)? I am guessing that 7-8 is pretty near normal in inferiority's rating system.