I'm new to this forum

I'm a pedophile. It's cost me my marriage, and ruined both of our lives.
I'm not good at talking about myself, especially about my problems.
I’ve like porn (ordinary porn) since I was in my 20s, but back then that meant magazines. So it wasn’t very practical to have it around much; but then, much later in life came the internet and the vast cornucopia of porn available with any effort at all. Now I’m not blaming the internet, since you only get from it what you want (except spam, and of course viruses). I spent a fair bit of time away from my home and wife and I went out and looked or porn on the internet (not difficult thing to do) and I found myself more drawn to “teen” sites, mostly petite sort of girls, and the more I looked and linked, I ended up at some of these pedophile sites, and I found them interesting and really quite exciting. I knew at the time it was totally wrong, but that made it even more compelling. I saved quite a few pictures, and they ended up being found on my computer by my wife. Naturally that freaked her out and caused my exile for some time. I stopped after I realized how wrong it was, and how exploitive of girl who aren’t old enough to control their lives, and who are being forced into things by adults. I finally came home and things were sort of getting better, though I had lost all the trust that our 25 years together was based on, and my wife went away one week, and I found myself looking at the same sort of thing that I had before, not porn actually, but still underage girls, and of course I got caught again. And that was the end of our being together, any small amount of trust that I had won back was erased at that moment. Now I live in a different country, and I miss my now ex-wife and our home and lifestyle so very much, I haven’t looked at any underage stuff on the internet since I left, and I don’t look at actual young girls (that was never an issue for me). I know though, the fact that I found it interesting in the first place makes me a pedophile, I don’t know if that’s a forever thing, I really hope not, but I just don’t know, that’s why I’m here on this forum.

Welcome timoci,

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry about you marriage breakup.

I don't know if the fact that you found child porn "interesting" necessarily means you're a paedophile. Sometimes things that are taboo or shocking are interesting simply because they're unusual. (It's like looking at the bearded lady or the Siamese twins in a freak show.) I've looked at some pornography simply because I was curious, and not because it was representative of my sexuality.

Are you sexually attracted to children? Perhaps your problem is as much or more to do with pornography addiction than paedophilia? What do you think?

How are you coping now?

Personally the idea of a lot of different types of extreme porn fascinates me, but that doesn't mean those things are my cup of tea.

You say

I don’t look at actual young girls (that was never an issue for me)

I would say that paedophilia is first and foremost about sexual and romantic attraction to pre-pubscents.

I am not into children and really not into porn either, I would be to scared to even go to young people porn sites, would not want any trace of that on my computer. I thinks it is normal to find younger people attractive, we all do look out best when young. It's just some have difficulting sorting out what is ok and whats not.
It is to bad you had to lose your wife to learn this, and I hope you are able to get it under control, before getting in serious trouble.

timoci wrote:I'm a pedophile. It's cost me my marriage, and ruined both of our lives.
I'm not good at talking about myself, especially about my problems.
I’ve like porn (ordinary porn) since I was in my 20s, but back then that meant magazines. So it wasn’t very practical to have it around much; but then, much later in life came the internet and the vast cornucopia of porn available with any effort at all. Now I’m not blaming the internet, since you only get from it what you want (except spam, and of course viruses). I spent a fair bit of time away from my home and wife and I went out and looked or porn on the internet (not difficult thing to do) and I found myself more drawn to “teen” sites, mostly petite sort of girls, and the more I looked and linked, I ended up at some of these pedophile sites, and I found them interesting and really quite exciting. I knew at the time it was totally wrong, but that made it even more compelling. I saved quite a few pictures, and they ended up being found on my computer by my wife. Naturally that freaked her out and caused my exile for some time. I stopped after I realized how wrong it was, and how exploitive of girl who aren’t old enough to control their lives, and who are being forced into things by adults. I finally came home and things were sort of getting better, though I had lost all the trust that our 25 years together was based on, and my wife went away one week, and I found myself looking at the same sort of thing that I had before, not porn actually, but still underage girls, and of course I got caught again. And that was the end of our being together, any small amount of trust that I had won back was erased at that moment. Now I live in a different country, and I miss my now ex-wife and our home and lifestyle so very much, I haven’t looked at any underage stuff on the internet since I left, and I don’t look at actual young girls (that was never an issue for me). I know though, the fact that I found it interesting in the first place makes me a pedophile, I don’t know if that’s a forever thing, I really hope not, but I just don’t know, that’s why I’m here on this forum.

I'm sad to hear what happened to you. It's a shame that people get their life ruined for something they VIEWED.

Well with that being said, I don't think this makes you a pedophile. Pedophile is not a concept for something you DO, it's about something you ARE.

If you are sexually attracted to children below 11-12yrs of age, then you might call yourself a pedophile. If you are into preteens, like 12-15, you might call yourself a hebephile.

If it was only about excitement that it was illegal and taboo, you're just a heterosexual with some taboo fantasies.

I wish you could get your wife back. To look at some pictures should never be a reason for a break up.

Like everyone else, I wouldn't call you a paedophile. I don't think most men would be immediately turned off or disgusted by an imagine of a pretty, provocatively dressed/posed teen girl - her age might not be the first thing that comes to mind.

You said you're not interested in real children or teens, have you considered that perhaps you just like petite women? Not necessarily young, but small and slight, etc.

I'm so sorry that your marriage broke down and you lost so much. I'm sorry that the hysteria and misunderstanding around paedophilia is so widespread. I hope that you'll be able to find some understanding of yourself here.

Lonelyrider wrote:

timoci wrote:If you are into preteens, like 12-15, you might call yourself a hebephile.

I'm into females from around the onset of pubescence to around the menopause. I would call myself a teleiophile, or (if only to mock the establishment for this ridiculous category of hebephile) a non-exclusive teleiophile. Ages of consent are legislative tools to protect the young, not normative guidelines on what one should or should not find attractive. (What does the word 'should' really mean in any case? What anxieties and desires about the world is it projecting?)

I've seen straight guys looking at girls of 12, 13, 14 and 15, and then panicking when they realise they've been 'caught' looking.

A little pedantic, perhaps, but three of the four ages in that range are not preteen.

Lonelyrider wrote:If you are sexually attracted to children below 11-12yrs of age, then you might call yourself a pedophile. If you are into preteens, like 12-15, you might call yourself a hebephile.

Just a little clarification here. 13-15 are not "pre-teen;" pedophilia refers to an attraction to prepubescents; and hebephilia refers to an attraction to people in and around the age of puberty.