POCD or paedophilia?

Hi all,

Just wanted some insight from you. I am diagnosed with OCD. It comes and goes, but recently I have been quite panicky about it.
Usually my obsessions have revolved around the fear of being a paedophile.

I remember seeing my little sister in the bath and being aroused by her 'parts', but I don't know if this is just because it is a sexual area in general, or I was over-thinking it.
I am bisexual and attracted to both adult males and females. But I get worried over the fact that I am aroused by the thought of a child's vagina, but not so much children in general. For those who suffer from paedophilia, what do you think? I thought maybe it was because I am turned on by adult shaved genitals, so a child's doesnt look much different, and that's why I'm able to get aroused by the thought. I also tried to imagine sex with a 12 year old girl to see if it aroused me and it did... I felt so wrong about this but it was as though I can remember being a 12 year old girl, and just starting to get sexual feelings, and the idea of girls going into puberty and getting aroused is taboo and a turn on. Mostly because I remember what it was like to feel like that. Is that normal?
I know I am more attracted to adults. But I fear that this may be more than OCD and I might actually have paedophilic tendencies.
Can anyone help?

Hi,

To me, It sounds very much that you have thought this through and that you are correct, it's OCD.

Looking at your previous posts, it seems to be clear that this is very much a recurring concern of yours.

I think maybe if one focuses to much on worrying about these things, and especially when one experiments with one's own thoughts, one quickly ends up thinking that one's own mental buildup is "worse", or should I say, different from what it actually is.

Sexual fantasies are not dangerous or a concern in and of themselves, in my view. I say this on the basis of having had such thoughts for many, many years now, and I would NEVER dream of actually acting on them (or, well, I would ONLY dream. ).

Also, you should realize that our minds are very flexible, and if a person tried to make themselves feel attracted to, say, a 12 year olds, "just to test if it was possible", then I would not be surprised if way over half of the male adult population managed to do just that.

My vote goes to "self-imagined hebesexuality".

Deleted

POCD

thanks for your replies. 322 - do you really think this is paedophilia? i'm confused that i recieved such conflicting replies...

anybody else?

Hi elfie24, have you considered discussing this with your therapist? I think someone who understands POCD could probably give you the best guidance on a topic like this.

Hi Elfie,

I agree, I think you should discuss this with whatever professional is helping you with your OCD. It sounds like POCD, and your therapist will certainly understand. You won't be the first or the last person he/she sees with this.

Thank you for all your replies. I am currently on the waiting list for therapy. I have been on the list twice before, the first time, the exposure therapy got too much and I just wasnt ready for it. The second time, I got my appointments mixed up and ended up getting taken off the list :/
This has been a constant battle for 2-3 years now, but I admit I have been a lot better the past year. I used to be almost house-bound with fear. I have recently started a new job and the other day had a mild panic attack in work. I panicked that the person I was, was in fact maybe a lie, and that I couldnt go on acting happy and normal with those around me, because secretly I may be a horrible person that everyone would hate. Therefore it feels sometimes that life has no meaning, and everything I do is pointless. It makes me want to die. I then feel confused and terrible guilt. I feel as though I am 'not allowed' friends or a boyfriend or any kind of happiness, so even living is an 'evil' thing for me to do. I know this is probably another OCD fear, and I try to treat it in the same way. But it is unbearable. It leaves me physically paralysed. How do I deal with that?

I don't know man, I can only say that for me, I had (and still have) huge emotional problems.
Like, both negative and positive emotions used to flare up way too powerfully, and I was unable to concentrate on anything else.

Then I got some meds, which has the only effect of dampening those emotional spikes, which helps so that I can think and try and change how I feel about things. Meaning, negative, destructive behavioural / social thoughts and such.

It helps me help me, in short.

So don't despair, you'll most likely get competent help.