I long to make a corpse my beloved

I'm a 35 year old male necrophiliac. Since I was about 10 I've had very strong feelings of attraction to dead women.

While the other kids played football or whatever, I'd go off on my own in the woods and pick flowers to take to the grave of a 19 year old girl who died in the 1940s. I liked being at her graveside, close to her, and I felt she liked me being there. She was my first necrophiliac love, and I still visit her grave to this day.

As an adult, these feelings never went away, but I suppressed them until my late twenties, when I came across the dessicated/mummified corpse of a young 19th century woman in a vault at a local church. I fell in love, and visited her every evening for a fortnight until the vault was sealed. Not a day goes by when I don't think about rescuing her and bringing her home with me.

I have normal relationships, and I have two lovely children, but my heart yearns for that lady in the vault. I want to marry her and care for her for the rest of my days. I know it can't happen, but I day dream about her, and there will always be something missing from my life, as long as she sleeps in that cold dark vault.

I dont know what meds your on man. But your takeing to ######6 many.

manic666 wrote:I dont know what meds your on man. But your takeing to ######6 many.

Mirtazapine. 30mg a day for the last 8 or 9 months, for anxiety and depression.

It's hardly likely to be responsible for a condition I've had for most of my life.

Graveyard wrote:

manic666 wrote:I dont know what meds your on man. But your takeing to ######6 many.

Mirtazapine. 30mg a day for the last 8 or 9 months, for anxiety and depression.

It's hardly likely to be responsible for a condition I've had for most of my life.

VERY TRUE ,but it takes a bit of understanding, hasnt anyone noticed you hanging about round the church where your bride to be is located. I carnt get my head round this one.

What kind of response are you looking for? It seems as though your necrophilia isn't harming anyone, unless the yearning is causing you a great deal of distress. I would be happy to try and help if you would elaborate a bit more on what's bothering you.

What kind of response am I looking for? I honestly don't know.

Deep down, I'm ashamed of myself. I'm convinced my anxiety and depression are at least partly linked to my necrophilia. It's not easy carrying such a secret around, knowing that I would be repulsive to most people if they knew the truth about me. Some people would want to harm me if they knew.

It's like my life is a lie. The person that my loved ones see when they look at me is a character I play for their benefit. If they knew the real me, they would almost certainly reject me. I know I am something most people would find absolutely disgusting, and that's very heavy for me to live with.

I think almost all people with paraphilia feel similarly, but necrophilia is definitely one of the most misunderstood and stereotyped paraphilias. Unfortunately, there aren't many options for dealing with this in our society. You can either keep it to yourself, all the while feeling misunderstood and misrepresented to those around you, or you can risk the hate and disgust that may be triggered by telling others. I doubt that telling others is the right way to go for you, unless there is someone you trust with all your heart; my personal opinion is that the first step to making peace with yourself is self-acceptance, getting rid of that deep-down shame that's plaguing you. Of course, it is probably improssible to eradicate the shame altogether. Some people think that you can simply get rid of a paraphila somehow, but I'm sure you know that it's part of who you are.

Sorry if my advice is unhelpful or vague.

Am I the only one who read this and thought, "that's bloody romantic" ?

MMonroe wrote:Am I the only one who read this and thought, "that's bloody romantic" ?

YES

I think to varying degrees self-acceptance is impossible without some modicum of social acceptance. At the very least, I hope that by opening up here you can vent some of your frustration. From what I've seen on these boards, it seems that the majority of people are very broad-minded about the range of circumstances under which people can have certain urges or emotions.

Personally, curiosity makes me want to understand more. I can understand how an attractive woman might be appealing to a heterosexual male, and I guess if she has just died (same physical appearance, just... well, dead) then she hasn't lost any of the characteristics that make her sexually attractive. Well, other than life. How many guys would take advantage of a freshly dead 18-year-old supermodel if they knew there would be no repercussions whatsoever and it wouldn't harm anyone, etc.? Even if just playing with themselves whilst looking at her. I don't know. Maybe quite a few. Once decomposition sets in, well then I'm afraid I start to find it hard to understand. Certainly death can create a strong sense of fascination (cf. the mixed emotions of Leontios towards the dead in Plato).

It interests me on an intellectual level. Sex and death are certainly inextricably intertwined in the human psyche - sex is, after all, a means of producing a vehicle for gene survival, to touch on Dawkins. How that translates into sexual attraction to corpses I don't know, but from a purely reproductive perspective how a person could be attracted to elderly persons (gerontophilia), young children (pedophilia) or want to rub up and down against a concrete pillar (whatever that's called) is also an enigma. Still, such desires occur, and they don't seem to be rare, so in my book they're natural. Partly because in my book if it occurs in nature, it's natural. Relatively uncommon perhaps, but natural.