Help me please new dad

Hi guys for the last month or 2 i been thinking that i might be a pedophile or turning in to one. I am really scared since i am expecting 2 baby girls in December. I am so scared that i might do something i know i wont its the thought of thinking that i am attracted to younger kids makes me sick. I have never head sexual thought about kids or anybody under age. I even have a rule that i will not date anybody who is below age of 24 since i believe that they are not mentally stable to have a long term relationship. I do have some a anxiety disorder where (according to me not doctor) i think that i might be sick. I i did get that part of my self under control but i did have rough time 2 years back thinking that i have ALS, MS or HIV it almost ruined my social life i went from doctor to specialist so many times that i head to go out side of my city to see new one. For some reason i go this thought that i am attracted to younger kids even thought i don't think of them sexually or have any fantasies about than naked it disturbed me to even think about it. Its just for some reason i would get this image in my head that just pops out (nothing sexual) and i would just fell weird i would get this felling in my stomach like it cold water not nice at all. but what disturbed me is that i would get this felling in my penis area like it moved but more like cold water. I would like to mention that in the past i did read incest comics for example mom and son but i. I did not like the idea of the incest just older women and younger guy, but never the less it was incest. I have stooped reading those comics. It just scares me to have my kids since i will be changing diapers and washing them.

More about me
1- I don't think about kids it does not turn me on sexually.
2- I never been diagnosed with OCD but i know i have it. Now i am constantly goggling Am i a pedophile, i did same with when i thought i was sick.
3- I have good sexual relation ship not great but good with my wife.
4- this is our first time having kids and its exciting and scary at same time since we all depend on me and i am afraid that i might loose my job what will i do then.

I have never thought about this it just suddenly come out of no where. And it scares me.

Thanks guys sorry about spelling and grammar
5- I did read incest Asian comics nothing with young kids more like mom and son and aunt and young guy but still its incest.
5

Hi naxx001,

To be honest i dont know if i should be posting on this, im not sure if my advice will be helpfull and correct or compleatly wrong and send you off the wrong track, I'm only 15 so really what do i know?
anyway here goes, in my opinion i dont think you are a pedophile considering you dont ever think about kids in a sexual way and never have, i think that you have suddenly realised how scary it will be to have kids, it's no walk in the park (so iv'e heard). Don't worry about it though because nearly every couple get through it and have happy lives.
If you never have sexual thoughts about kids then why are you worried about having some of your own, surley if abusing a child revolts you now if you had your own it would give you more reason not to, especially if you think about the negativity you will get if you abuse your own child, DON'T DWELL ON THIS! I'm only saying this to show you that you are not like that, dont get all depressed like me.

try not to stress yourself too much Iv'e heard it's not good for you. But can i ask the next person to reply to cheack my reply and say if I'm anywher close to the right awnser because i'm not sure if i should be replying

Take care

I agree with anonymous112; it's seriously unlikely that you're a pedophile if you've never thought about children sexually before. The cause of your worry is probably the anxiety disorder you mentioned, convincing you that there is something to be concerned about. As a female I can't fully relate, but the unpleasant 'cold-water' feeling you mentioned is most likely a response to the /idea/ of being turned on by the image that popped into your head, if that makes any sense. This doesn't mean that you're actually responding to the stimulus itself, or that you're 'turning into' a pedophile. I wouldn't worry too much about having read the incest comics, especially since you're no longer reading them now.

Just be the best father that you can be when your daughters arrive into the world, and you will be alright. (:

Try to think at other way ... go at striptease club or something..and that thoughts on mind are not so scaring, but prevention is always better.

Changing a double batch of poopy diapers, should keep you mind occupied.

Man I know how you feel. I was recently diagnosed with OCD at the ripe old age of 26. I never really thought about it because I thought it was normal. I see one therapist every week and another one every two weeks. My OCD is all mental.

Like you I have never even fathomed looking for kiddie porn or viewed kids in a sexual way. I went on Zoloft to try to treat my fear of riding in a car. It went well till we jumped up to the 100 mg mark. Man I was not a happy camper. I just wanted to blink out of existence. At first all my mind would tell me is I am evil, just pure evil. Then days later it took shape, I thought I was a pedophile. It was the most evil, vile, incurable thing that I could think of. My mind wanted to eat me alive. I was really freaking out. I was lucky to have a very supportive therapist, family, and friends. I told them to watch me closely just in case.

I remember constantly over thinking and re thinking the dumbest things. My stuff was all visually triggered. Stuff like, Omg I saw they young girl, 10-12 walk buy in front of me and I saw her butt in her jeans. " Then that it was oh no maybe I actually liked it, sicko how can you like that, your evil." I would feel really bad, all hot, and one time I was stuck at a cross walk next to her family, they were down a few feet from me but, I nearly passed out I felt so bad. Every time I saw a kid I would go into OCD checking and beat myself up. I was annoyed at this point that I could not bike around with a blind fold on. Or The worst was seeing a son on his father shoulders. the thought came up later and I physically felt a ten ton weight pushing down on my shoulders for even thinking about a kid on my shoulders. Also mixed in there was" I am only imagine the kids you know was on the back of my head and or him using the bathroom all over me" Again not a pleasant thought and I could not chase it out of my mind.

Granted to say when the doctor heard this we decided to take me off Zoloft. Things are better but not back to the way they were. I have since sworn off pornography, it has been 5 weeks I think since last I ventured to the Internet for some good old porn. I don't think I miss it. I looked primarily at standard boy meets girl and has fun. I always liked normal looking people. Over silicon-ed does not do it for me. I have since just learned to use my imagination, care about sex less, and happy when my pretty special someone appears. Hey I am single but its nice to have some fun with a consenting wild women now and again. Back to the point.

Like you I have had a happy 26 years of yearning for girls my age and older. maybe a touch younger, deppends on their attitude and mental connection. As I have gotten older my taste for girls has aged as well. I look at an 19 year old and think wow thats young. Even though, wow thats an amazing chest still is in my mind. Now a 29 year old who knows what she is doing on the other hand *melts*. Even as I type this I miss the confidence and security in my sex drive that I had before the zoloft. I still feel this med has permanently messed with my mind and unlocked some part of me that I just have not noticed till now making me a pedophile.

I also do alot of googling of "am I a pedophile". Or think and over think the little things making me think I may be one for some reason. Before that it was my teeth, granted I still need to calm down enough to make it back to get a bunch of cavities filled and wisdom teeth pulled. Before and in between that is was a hernia, testicular torsion, etc etc. Ailments that I may have some slight implication of and the OCD goes into a checking pattern to see if I have it and also blows it out to the worst case scenerio.

Long and short for me is my common pattern for dealing with this is avoidance, sadly one can not avoid children everywhere all the time. My next thought is hey I could always be chemically castrated. Both therapists keep telling me not to worry and think I am in the realm of normal.

I hope my long post did not bore you. My advice as a sufferer is: Go see a good mental clinician of some sort, if you can and if it will ease your mind. Also if you and your wife are that close let her know that you are suffering and need her. I would hope that you were. Again you have done nothing wrong and do not intend to. Let her know that you are afraid. Again only if you two are that close where you know it wont phase her.

You take said advice of your own peril.