Feeling guilty for disgusting, perverted fantasies

Rainbow_Sunshine wrote:I have had weird fantasies during masturbation since I was a young child. About the age 5, I started masturbating and fantasizing about someone hurting me or someone else. And yes, even in the age of 5 I was aroused and had orgasm during such fantasies, although it probbably sounds unbelievable.

I had the same thing, I got aroused by the sorts of fantasies since around the age of 4, mainly wanting to be tied up (I'm male, by the way). In my case, there were actual events that triggered the fantasies to start, but I don't know if the same type of fantasies would have eventually developed with or without those events. I assume they would not have, at least not to the same degree.

I think part of the reason behind this whole sadism/masochism tendency in human sexuality is that the idea of pain, either giving or receiving, is a source of stress for most people. Stress leads to physical arousal - it causes your heart to beat faster, breathing to become more intense, etc. These are the same reactions that occur when you're sexually aroused, so I could see why it could lead to sexual arousal, and how it could become linked. It's the same reason why people like to have sex in exotic locations, to increase the sense of taboo or fear and thereby heighten the body's physical response. I read somewhere that arousal and orgasm are regulated by the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems; these are the same brain circuits that control the body's "fight or flight" response to perceived threats. Just because you have sexual fantasies about these things doesn't mean you enjoy them in actuality; indeed, it could be just the opposite - the stress caused by thinking about such unpleasant things is what incidentally led to the arousal. Sometimes wires just get crossed.

Rainbow_Sunshine wrote:And there´s also something else -I´m aroused by naked children! I don´t know whether I´m a pedophile or not.

It's impossible to say based on the information you've provided. It is possible, again, that the anxiety associated with such situations is leading to the arousal, rather than an inherent sexual interest in children.

Rainbow_Sunshine wrote:I keep asking why me. Why had this happen to me? Why I have to be such a pervert?

Nobody knows the answer to these questions - it can happen to anyone, like depression or any other psychological problem. There just doesn't seem to be any correlation between a person's goodness and their sexual fantasies.

I sort of agree with you about the therapist. I don't want to tell some 50 year old man or woman (I'm 27) that only sees me 45 minutes a week about my innermost and most shameful sexual fantasies, it's not like they can say some magic incantation that's going to change me. If I'm capable of changing, I'm capable of changing on my own, IMO.

I'll keep it short and sweet:

We all are entitled to our sick thoughts: but the beauty of that is those with humanity have the ability to override even their darkest of urges.

lipstick is absolutely right. Btw Lipstick if that is you in your avatar, you look amazing.

I really dont know where to start.
Something happened when I was young and has affected me.
For some reason I have a sexual pervertion to headbanging.
When I was young I saw a family member headbanging at a family party to heavy metal music.
I was scared for her as it looked like she was hurting herself but also became excited and aroused by this.
After this I would always be scared of this.
I remember my Mom & Sister headbanging the once and I went all funny and had a go at them but they carried on and laughed and I started crying as I felt weird and went upstairs and masturbated over it.
Im now 36 and over the years have fantasised over my Mom headbanging a few times aswel as other people both male and female headbanging and would get aroused and the urge was so great I needed to masturbate.
I feel so guilty about these fantasies and have never had a NORMAL sexual relationship with anybody.
I am also confused about my sexuality.
I really dont know what to do.
Any help would be great as I feel suicidle everyday.
Thanks
Thanks

This seems like a pretty old thread, you might try starting a new one u might find some luck...... but for now I can say you are not a "monster" or "freak" for having these fantasies, the seem pretty obscure and I don't see a lot of ways for you to actualize them so I think its safe to say your OK, I mean you might be able to find a guy or girl who is into it, its not totally out there

I know exactly how you feel. I my self am attracted to preteen girls and there were many occasions where my fantasies included physical torture to them, sometimes in my fantasies the girls would be my daughter. This is because several other paraphilias and perversions have come into play into this one fantasy: Cuckoldry, masochism, sadism, pedophilia, and torture porn/guinea pig films. There is also that taboo factor. For some people, doing things that are taboo would cause sexual arousal because you are doing something that your not supposed to do. There is that feeling of power that you don't normally have in your day to day lives. That feeling of power is very intoxicating.

i.e. you're not supposed to get turned on by watching adults abusing and torturing children, having sex with animals, or have sex with your own son. But you do.

As far as I'm concerned, you're a normal human being. As long as your fantasies don't cross the lines into reality, you'll be fine.