Help! I think I am a Pedophile

*edited upon request*

ExtremeMan8,

Hi, I read your post and could relate to a lot of what you said. I hope it helps a little bit to know that there are others who have gone through the same thing, who have these feelings about children but have never acted on them (and hope we never do act on them), but feel so much guilt, worry and fear about them. It's hard for the mind to understand this contradiction, on the one hand we see children as so beautiful that it's only natural for us to feel attracted to them, yet on the other hand society tells us that we're monsters just for feeling that way, and we know that if we ever acted out our fantasies in real life we would really be a monster... it's not an easy thing to live with.

But I do want to encourage you not to lose hope. It's good that you're starting to come to terms with these feelings at your age--there's still time to change. You may still be able to develop normal adult attractions. You shouldn't think that you'll just "grow out of" your feelings for children, but you can find help dealing with them and learning not to act on them.

Please do get help, especially if you're thinking about harming yourself. You don't have to tell anyone about your attraction yet, you can start out by telling someone like a school counselor or parent that you're feeling depressed and want to talk to a therapist. Once you find a professional you trust, you can try to discuss your attractions with them. Just make sure you let them know that you haven't acted on these feelings, and don't want to.

As a final word--don't ever think that this is ALL of who you are. Trust me, that's not a healthy way of seeing yourself. You certainly have many good qualities and other parts of your life. Make an effort to live a full life, spend time with friends and family, meet new people, be involved in activities, exercise or play sports, do things you enjoy, etc.

I wish there was an internet board like this when I was your age. I'm trying to give you some of the advice I wish someone had given me. Good luck in your struggle, be well, be happy, and God bless.

-H4C

*edited*

Haha, listen buddy. You are NOT a pedophile. You're a 15-old-boy, with OCD. Your OCD is making you believe that you are a pedophile, and that there's no hope. That's what OCD does. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It makes you obsess over things that may not even exist, which is why people with OCD feel the need to practice routines and rituals on a daily basis. When you're 13, just about anything can get you off. That's what puberty is like when it first sets in, and you masturbated to young girls because that's what you were the most acquainted with before-hand. This would blow over, but because of your moral conscience, and your OCD- it has you worrying about it.

I've seen this many different times in many different people. All of them were normal people who were just confused. I'm sitting here laughing because I know this is the case. I would put money on it even. I'm not laughing at you maliciously. It's just your naivete and your stressing is so familiar to me.

If your embarrassed about your parents finding out, tell them you have a problem that you need to see someone for. But don't be! They're your parents, it's their duty to comfort you and help you through times like this.

Just know, I have seen pedophiles before. Pedophiles are known for not showing ANY regret whatsoever about what they do to children. And you're such a nice kid it makes you sick to even think about you doing that to a child.

I'm with you man. Here's a hint: whenever you start to stress about this, listen to music you like. It keeps your mind occupied, and that's all you need until you get some decent medication or counseling for this. Remember this: OCD is your worst enemy here. It's the bad guy, not you. My prayers are with you, kid.

hey everybody.. i want to share some things and confess. well i'll start by saying this. i have viewed CP. i started to like it. I never touched an underage child. i am scared to be honest to what may happen to me. I get rejected by many older women, and i have more experience with girls whole are either 17 turning 18. i have never been able to really come clean about this until now. nobody that i know, knows anything of this.

When me and my old friend bonnie used to babysit for her nieces one of them sat on my lap and i started to get turned on and i tried to fight it but wasn't able to succeed. I've never physically sexually touch a child. i only like the girls of course. I go to the malls and i look and try to look away when i get noticed. seeing the little girls inside the movies and outside. at the pools, hotels, on the street with other young friends. i try to fight it. i am just too scared to try anything offline. I've actually tried searching for them online. I just don't what to do. I know its wrong, but i feel that its still nature and female is a female just has a difference in ages. Btw before i forget, i do get checked out by many young girls. thats more when i actually look at them. I look at there butts and face and not so much breasts. some how, i'm not ashamed of liking it. i'm just ashamed for admitting to it. i was never able to seek help for it. i just don't want to. i look at this forum more as a journal type of thing.

eagle2984 wrote:hey everybody.. i want to share some things and confess. well i'll start by saying this. i have viewed CP. i started to like it. I never touched an underage child. i am scared to be honest to what may happen to me. I get rejected by many older women, and i have more experience with girls whole are either 17 turning 18. i have never been able to really come clean about this until now. nobody that i know, knows anything of this.

When me and my old friend bonnie used to babysit for her nieces one of them sat on my lap and i started to get turned on and i tried to fight it but wasn't able to succeed. I've never physically sexually touch a child. i only like the girls of course. I go to the malls and i look and try to look away when i get noticed. seeing the little girls inside the movies and outside. at the pools, hotels, on the street with other young friends. i try to fight it. i am just too scared to try anything offline. I've actually tried searching for them online. I just don't what to do. I know its wrong, but i feel that its still nature and female is a female just has a difference in ages. Btw before i forget, i do get checked out by many young girls. thats more when i actually look at them. I look at there butts and face and not so much breasts. some how, i'm not ashamed of liking it. i'm just ashamed for admitting to it. i was never able to seek help for it. i just don't want to. i look at this forum more as a journal type of thing.

Forgive me, but this post, to me, is screaming that you are likely to escalate. You admit to viewing CP, and wanting to pick up a child from the internet, and that you don't for fear of getting caught (reading between the lines here)... please get some help. I am not judging but I think it'd be a good idea to get some help.

no matter what your parents think, or others, try and get some help.

don't let this go untreated.

I wish i could turn back time, and get help earlier. but the important thing is that you haven't acted out, although some consider the dling of CP a way of acting act. Trust me, going down the road of acting it out, is the worse thing anyone can do.

by law, as long as you are in a session with a doctor, they can't not tell your parents unless you give them permission to. if you feel that you are a danger to yourself or others, go to the hospital.

tbh, telling your parents may be good or it maybe bad, it just depends on your family dynamic.

my mom after crying her heart out, took some time to accept it.

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