Am I a pedophile?

Well, where do I start? I've been worrying about this for just under a year, the worry comes and go. One week I worry constantly, the next I might not. It started off when I became obsessed I was w pedo, I couldn't stop crying, or worrying, it was all just over a thought I had. No sexual attractive worries. I am currently being diagnosed for OCD, and Aspergers. But, a few months back I started worrying seriously, because, I had seen a child, I think around 12 or 13, and masturbated to the memory of them. I'm 16, BTW. My head is so confused, I have never looked up child porn, or even thought about having sex with a child. I'm gay. It's like my mind is playing games with me. I'm worried to go out, incase I see a xchild. I feel like I've murdered someone. I feel constantly depressed. Thing is, I don't know if I am, I feel like I'm just in denial about it, and I am one of those sick pedos who prays on children. I don't look at every "child" sexually, only sporty boys. It's like my minds telling me I prefer children. Also, when I'm out I'm always thinking of people in a sexual way, I just can't stop. It's driving me crazy. I don't want to be a pedophile! I don't want to live like that.

Update: I just watched a programme on BBC One. About Primary School boys. They must have been between 10 and 11. I think I found some attractive. I even got a "semi", but I'm so confused. I don't know if I really liked them. My head is all over the place. I don't know what to do.

Hi,

I'm going to suggest something that you may/may not agree with: Your fears in this instance are solely due to your OCD. The classic OCD is for the person to have a thought enter their head. They worry about the thought but this only maens they begin to think about it more and more. Other common thoughts are things such as harming one's own child, or even murdering someone. EVen if a person has such a thought in their head, would they be called a murderer? The answer is no.

I suggest that you focus on this as purely OCD, and deal with that. Maybe, in the long term, you'll then look back and see what I see with regard to your situation.

Kevin

PS - Im diagnosed OCD

Chucky wrote:Hi,

I'm going to suggest something that you may/may not agree with: Your fears in this instance are solely due to your OCD. The classic OCD is for the person to have a thought enter their head. They worry about the thought but this only maens they begin to think about it more and more. Other common thoughts are things such as harming one's own child, or even murdering someone. EVen if a person has such a thought in their head, would they be called a murderer? The answer is no.

I suggest that you focus on this as purely OCD, and deal with that. Maybe, in the long term, you'll then look back and see what I see with regard to your situation.

Kevin

PS - Im diagnosed OCD

Kevin,
Thank you for replying. First of all, I sturgle to see how this is OCD, I masturbated over a CHULD! I'm a pedophile. I'm so scared, I don't want to be. For example, I was on the bus earlier, and saw kids, from a secondary school, I got excited, but nervous. I have a "foot fetish". I like sport boys, I feel like s freak. Am I ? It's like I'm resisting the urge at the moment. I used to obsess over being a psychopath and all sorts of things, but I feel this is different. I'm so confsued.

Hi,

Yes I read that you had masturbated about this, but I meant that the original fear was allowed to persist and become stronger in your mind due to OCD. Maybe I am actually wrong on this, however, and that you genuinely have anatural liking for youths. Whatever the case, your guilt about the thoughts eems genuine/real, and for that you can take some solace. I know that this won't be the most comfortable thing to discuss with someone, but if you feel that it's just going to make your life worse, then discuss it with a rofessional you must.

Kevin

Well you said in the past you obsessed over being a psychopath, that is definitely an OCD thing. If this is something that just started, and it sounds like it is, then you are probably not a pedophile. In addition, the whole thing about not wanting to go out for fear you may harm a child sounds very much like OCD to me. This is a very common propblem, sometimes it is called POCD (pedophilia OCD). However, even if you did truly suffer from pedophilia, that is not the same as being a predator, thoughts and actions are very different, so there is no reason to fear that. Thoughts do not make a person bad, even pedophilic ones. As for the fetishes you mentioned, no they do not make you a freak, it's sounds like pretty common stuff to me.

I feel really depressed, and down at the moment. The worry goes away for a few minutes, then returns. I worry about what people would think of me, my family, my friends. It's like a nightmare. I don't know what to do about it. In general, I don't know what I find sexually attractive. I mean, I find older guys attractive, but I think I find younger ones attractive too. I'm scared to go out. I feel like I'm lying to myself keep saying to myself "it's just a phase", but is it? I feel like I'd be better dead.

At the risk of sounding too obvious, you're letting this obsession/problem get to you too much. It is now preventing you from doing other things that you would normally do. This shouldnt' obviously be happening. You have to train yourself to do things DESPITE your problems. Don't let them ever halt progression in your life. They can be dragged with you if they want, but don't ever let them drag you backwards. You can seek help while you move forward, but please don't go backwards.

Kevin

Confusedboy, listen up. It doesn't matter who or what makes you sexually aroused. It doesn't matter why. Having sexual feelings is completely different from having sex. Raping children is wrong, but having involuntary, private feelings in response to children is not wrong.

Masturbation is good for you, and it's perfectly alright to masturbate over strange things. It's not sex, it's not abuse, it's just something that you do with yourself. It doesn't harm anybody, it just makes you feel good. Don't be ashamed of it. If it turns out that you still feel this way about children later in life, then it's something you're going to have to accept about yourself. Don't act on it, but don't be ashamed of it either. You're guilty of nothing until you actually commit a crime.

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