Help me,I'm lost

Hi I think I'm a pedophille,I was abused when i was about 7 by my uncle,now i'm 17 atm,I don't wish to hurt any kids,as i know i'll just make them end up like me,having the wrong attraction to kids aging 13 and younger.I think me,suffering alone is enough,I don't want to inflict this to other kids,and I'm really sorry about how other pedos are so mean and abuse kids.and never think of the consequences that may be brought to the abused.I'm deeply in trouble,feeling confused and lost at times,Please help me,I do need your help.

Hi, truthfinder99, and thanks for posting. I'm sorry about what happened to you as a child. There are many of us with this problem on the forum, for some it is because they were sexually abused like you. It's good that you recognize the harmfulness of adult-child sexual relations and do not want to inflict this upon a child. There are no easy answers for us, it's very difficult to change a person's sexual attractions. You can start by reading the other threads on this forum. You may want to see a psychologist, they are obligated to keep confidentiality (unless you have abused a child, which I don't think you have), and they can help you with understanding and managing your problem.

@likewise, I understand,I think this is the 2nd time I post this as I didn 't really know,and quite new to this forum.well,Before that,I want to thank you for the response.I thought it's saddist that pedos are causing child to be outcast when they grow up,I understand,especially after reading other threads,I just wish I shouldn't be born at the first place.pretty clueless abot how and I should grow up.till now I have never shared to anyone but this forum only.

Hang in there man. You're not alone in this struggle, there are lots of people in this forum to support you, although it does tend to be quiet from time to time. Acknowledging your problem anonymously on this forum is a good first step to figuring out how to deal with it. Always remember you are in control of your actions regardless of your thoughts. I'm kind of similar to you. As a young child I suffered what I can only term abuse at the hands of an older brother, and although it was physical and emotional rather than sexual, I guess my brain sexualized it as a way of coping, leading to a lot of the problems I suffer from now.

Hi likewise,Thanks for the advise,I feel much better.I know I need to believe that,I'm covering my trueself.@likewise,I'm very sorry to hear about your story,You seem to be an active member here.actually what happens to you?Maybe you can share more if you are comfortable,from yesterday's forum,by confusedboy,I understand,I'm not alone to stand on this.God bless you,truly,this forum has become my listening ears,though I may not know you,I feel a sense greatfulness,and comfort in sharing my story.God bless you.

Thanks for the kind words. I try to answer as many posts as I can on here, since there are not many active members here, and I don't want anybody to feel like their problem is "too weird," which can happen if nobody ever replies.

My story since you asked: well first you should know I consider myself to be both a masochist and a pedophile. A masochist is someone who is turned on by being subjected to pain, humiliation, bondage, etc. The masochism thing started really early in my life, like I remember getting erections from it as really young child (around age 3-4). This one I'm pretty sure is a result of the way I was treated by my older brother. He was 5 years older than me, and he was the most cruel, sadistic, out-of-control deliquent who hated my guts and did everything he could to make my life miserable. So a lot of bad stuff happened, though no sexual abuse as far as I remember. Fortunately, I don't remember much from the early years, but the stuff I do remember is pretty horrible. Like being tied up alone in the basement for what seemed like long periods of time, which must have been quite traumatizing for a small child, although I only remember the events not my emotions. I've talked to people who barely knew me at that age, and they always point out how horrible he was to me, his cruelty basically came to define my childhood in everybody's mind (including my own), and hearing them talk about it makes me kind of sick to my stomach, since it seems like it was even worse than I remember. Anyway, somehow all this stuff became sexually arousing to me, I don't know what the process is that causes this to happen, maybe some sort of coping mechanism, but I'm pretty sure it's because of what he did to me, since it's all the same stuff that arouses me now.

The pedophilia aspect is far less sexual, and I was really hesitant about applying that label to myself. However, growing up I always felt attracted to other boys, but in an emotional/romatic rather than sexual way. Then as I got older I started to become interested in younger and younger kids (relative to me). I think I thought it would be easier to be friends with them, like they were less threatening than kids my own age (I was very shy and afraid of people), plus I wanted a little brother so that I could treat him the opposite of how my older brother treated me. It might be because I was so ashamed by my homosexuality (my family was very conservative and religious) that I was never able to sexually mature, so I became fixated on children. Another theory is that I somehow associate children with my masochism and hence my entire sexuality, since this is what defined my childhood. I really don't know what the true cause is, maybe a combination of all these things. Anyway, long story short, boys are about all I find physically attractive these days, not guys my own age.

Hi likeWise,very sorry to hear about your painful childhood experience,I do believe every person deserves a good life,at least once.you have to look forward to your future,and not to be drawn back by the thoughts in the past.I also can understand,that emotional/feeling is not easy to tame,and your closeness to
kids,are actually a sense of safety,from what I could comprehend.
@likewise,I'm also a Christian,And I have quit my youth group,as I felt rejected,as I just can't get along with them,Having the feeling that I'm being the different one.though I can't fully help you,but,I'm willing to be your listening ears.God didn't blame you for this,dear brother.I can understand,that,I've been struggling with my own thoughts and the things that are unnatural when I compare with boys of my age.truthfully,ever since I post this thread,you have helped me much,I always wanted to have a good friend,to talk to,bUt for fear of rejection,I don't.till i come to this forum,

I'm not sure that leaving your youth group is the best idea, but I don't know your situation enough to tell you what you should do. Being with other people is important. They don't have to know everything about you. I'm no longer a religious person, but one of the things I do miss about about church was that it was very conservative, and sexuality was not much discussed, so this made it easier for me to feel like I fit in there.

I would try not to isolate yourself too much, we're not that much different from other people other than this one problem that we suffer. Everybody has a problem that they don't want to talk about. You'd be surprised probably at the number of people who have some kind of issue with their sexuality. I know what it's like though to feel you have nobody to talk to, and that people would reject you if they really knew the truth. It's not always the case, but you do have to be careful whom you tell. In the mean time, I would try to find ways of connecting with people, maybe a hobby or interest of some sort. This will make you feel better about yourself. Your emotional/sexual problems do not define who you are, you know that?

I'm glad that you feel our conversation has helped you. I'm always willing listen, and I won't judge. Whenever you want to talk, feel free to post this forum or send me a private message.

I'm so sorry you were abused, but if you are a pedophile, don't feel too bad, you can be one of the many 'good' pedophiles who are attracted to children, but never abuse them. I'm attracted to children, but I absolutely love children too, and any kind of sexual abuse is certainly not love, and I would never hurt a child. It's hard being attracted to children, because outside a forum like this, it's unlikely you'll find another pedophile (and one who's not a child molester), and the majority of the population hates us so much, just for thoughts and feelings that are beyond our control, even if we control our actions and only do good. If you want to get professional help now, and your doctor or psychologist says something like "oh, you're only 17, you'll get over it", don't take that for an answer, insist on them helping you now (if you want professional help, that is).