Intense longing

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Michael Jackson had Peter Pan Syndrome - he wanted to be a child again, I'm not sure if it's the same for you.

PS. Does pedophilia manifest itself to you who are pp. like a very deep-seated longing due to a loss, that manifests itself as sexual attraction?

It could be the other way around.
Perhaps you long to be younger again because then you would be able to intergrate with 13 - 18 year olds more easily?

I am no expert, i can only go from my own experience, I have been attracted to the same kind of women all my life, the thin, small chested type, not under aged girls, right now I like women in there mid 30's. the point I am making is I think we go through life being turned on by the same things, our preferences might change a bit but for the most part, once its in your head it is there to stay.
The good news is we can be trained not to act on out thoughts, there are self help books and lots of free info on line but it takes time. What is important, is the desire to work on it full time. I was a sex addict and for me I wanted to be a good person and respected more than I wanted sex. I never had a thing for children, but how society deals with people that are, I would think it would be good reason to try and get control over not acting on such thoughts

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dude017 wrote:

It could be the other way around.
Perhaps you long to be younger again because then you would be able to intergrate with 13 - 18 year olds more easily?

I only want friendships in "real life" with these individuals. I am not a predator and would terminate myself rather than ever lay hands on anyone. Initiating a relationship with a legal partner shouldn't be an issue.

I didn't mean that you are a sexual predator. People generally hang out more if they're the same age. If you want friendship/companionship with 13-18 year olds then being the same age as them would give you an advantage, and perhaps that's why you wish you were younger. That's what I meant. But you can't completely ignore your sexual urges either. Sexual urges usually lead to wanting to be around those you're attracted to (even if you don't desire sex) - be it hetro, homo or pedo. It's human nature. Even though no-one likes to admit it, affection can be a product of sexual attracion.

I'm only saying this to give you a different point of view. I doubt you agree with me though, since you seem to be assured that your sexual feelings are generated by a void in your life. I'm not saying that you're wrong because only you know yourself.

What I am wondering is whether there is any way to reach a state of wholeness and healing that will fill the void and longing I feel and help me move beyond these negative and destructive feelings.

Has your social anxiety gotten any better over the years? Do you feel comfortable around those of your own age, and are you attracted to them at all, sexually or emotionally? If you are uncomfortable around people your own age, is that something you could work on, and do you think that would help refocus your attractions? These are just questions.