Is it right?

I'm new to this site - completely. So, apology if I over step some mark.

I didn't quite know where to put this, sorry if it's wrong.

I'm a 14 year old female, i've coped with depression (thankfully i'm through it), selfharming (not anymore) and rejection. And according to some detailed online tests, however true or not, they seem to implicate that I have an anxiety disorder... I just thought i'd include this to see if this has anything to with the 'problem'.

I started watching porn, unsure why, at around 13 years old. Although I never seemed to be intereted in the actual porn itself. When I was surfing online, I don't know how I came across it, but I started watching bondage porn. I'd look at pictures, videos and even read stories. After getting caught up into the fascination of bondage it seems to occupy my daydreaming - I'd dream about it atleast more than two times a day. Always resulting in daydreaming to sleep about it.

After a near year of being induced in bondage I had a dream about two men being at my house then preparing to... rape me. Some may say this is a nightmare but I actually was entertained. I don't know why! I just don't think it's healthy, normal for a person of age to be thinking of these things!

More recently i've been interested in serial killers - researching them, watching documentarys and over all being fasinated of how they could do these things, without anyone knowing (until much later, that is).
This subject has recently tied into my daydreaming of teenagers, my age, being kidnapped and being raped by serial killers (although they never get murdered).

Please, help me I just don't know what to do. I know this isn't normal! Is it one off stage? Do I have some problem?
The constant thought of these things do pleasure me yet I only question myself after if it's right or wrong. Usually answering in wrong. I said this in confidence so please try not to judge me too harshly! I just really need to know what's happening. Will I continue to have these daydreams/dreams when i'm older?

I know i'll never commit crimes of rape whenI get older, or so I tell myself, and of serial killing. But it's just the feeling of watching them to these things that interest me. I've never really been interested in these things happening to me - I just create these characters in my head. Please, help.

I don't think at your age you should be spending your time watching porn, I do hope you are not considering living any of your thoughts out. In real life you have to be very careful on who you share these thoughts with, as some may see it as something you want and try and force themselves on you. I know a woman who was raped and I can assure you there was nothing pleasant about it for her and still haunts her years later.
You might want to talk to a professional in mental health about your thoughts. It is not normal and needs to be addressed. In my opinion you have already gone to far with it.
Sorry I can not be more help, I never had a interest in what you describe, but know people who have and presented your question to them and were all of the same opinion, that you are playing with fire and need to find some help.
Take care

Thank you, so much, for answering my question so fast.
I do understand it is completely wrong and bad and that, as a person, I shouldn't even be having this thoughts.

I have often wondered about seeing someone to help me but I'm just sure I can be confident enough, especially to tell them about myself. But I think it's gone too bad now so I'll take your advice: see someone. You don't know any type of person to see (doctor, physcriatrist, therapit)...?

You could talk to you doctor and he could refer you or many cities have a crisis line with referrals to free clinics if it is available in your area. I really hope you can find someone, because it is a lot for someone your age to be dealing with.

Take care

Don't worry about it.

Your not alone. I started watching bdsm porn at age 13 too. I always lived regular clean porn too, but bdsm has always been more appealing. I too, was and is interested in serial killers as well, I did a report on la Bianca/Tate murders in high school. In high school my friends girlfriends would text me bdsm pics of her and that's when I had to put an end to it. Your rape fantisys borderline on self masochism, which is something I would get checked out since you have a history of that. 13, even 14 is too young for porn, you need to focus on real life relationships and learn to distinguish reality from fantasy, right from wrong before indulging in fantasies as extreme as bdsm and rape.