where to get help?????

geldy wrote:If an MP said he had researched these problems and had come up with a plan to help, I guess he would be reviled and ostracized by the lynch mob.

That's the big problem, isn't it? Even if an MP had the balls to do what's right and get funds for helping people like you, he/she'd lose their seat in the next election and would be set aside by the party. Still, I have an idea that might help: Why not just go to a different NHS office and just say that you're feeling 'depressed' and need to talk about things on a regular basis. I know that this isn't ideal, but I thik you could work it to your advantage wwithout ever bringing up the paraphilia directly. Not ideal, but still... ...

Kevin

Yes yes and yes. Its not rocket science.

Chucky touched on an idea of mine. If you seeked help out-lining the problems in your life, but actually resisting to give away the reason for your problem, then that help (allbeit, under false pretences) could actually be of benefit. What if they decided you qualified for a certain mental illness and are eligible for a very nice state benefit? They are not working with you, we all know that, but by giving them the evidence that there is something very dabilitating about your life, and them making a connection (in your favour) to something that is a recognized and well compensated illness, then why not? Because of your problems, you probably struggle financially, as i do, perhaps we need to learn to use the system to our advantage now? It would be tricky, but not impossible

Chucky, the problem is, it's very difficult to get help from the NHS if you're depressed. They mostly just offer you pills.

When it comes to therapy, you have to pay for it over here. No point bothering with the NHS because you could be waiting for 6 months before you see anyone, if you see anyone.

You could be right, I guess. I am not overly familiar with the NHS yet, as I have only just moved to the UK. I have heard that it seems very 'rushed' when you go to a GP, and may only get 10 minutes - ? In Ireland, whenever I saw my GP, I would get as much time as I needed (30-60 minutes, no matter what the queue behind me was).

Kevin

30-60 minutes? If I saw a GP for 10 minutes I'd consider that long.

Hi! Thank you all so much for your replies. I have managed in the past to get appointments with NHS specialists (not easy and took years) but they say that there is nothing they can do for me. I don't think talking to a therapist, but failing to mention a huge part of my problems will help. It would be like telling a doctor that you are lame - but failing to mention that you only have one leg! I need to find a therapist who could take on the whole problem. Fortunately I am not in need of state benefits but as previously mentioned I cannot even find a private therapist who understands parpaphilia (most have never even heard of it), or can guarantee confidentiality. The Priory did say that they would see me for an assessment but that would cost £350 and then if they thought they might be able to help me it would cost £130 per half hour session. Talking to somebody a few times a week,I daren't even add up how much this would cost in a year! Way beyond my means!

I am very happy to pay a therapist who can help - can anyone recommend one? I have lived too long with depression and sadness and cannot continue. There is no point in being unhappy every day.

Thanks, geldy.

geldy,

In more ways than one, I know your pain and a lot of others do too. We have been there.

The NHS is primarily interested in physical health, not mental health. Unless they can't hand you prescription medicine to reduce or subdue the problem, they aren't interested. Have you looked at these?

http://www.mindcharity.co.uk/

http://www.rethink.org/index.html

http://www.derbyshiremind.org.uk/

http://www.privatepsychiatry.co.uk/



Now, what exactly is it that you are having issues with? You mention a "paraphilia", but haven't said anything about it other than the fact that most people you talk to never heard of it. If you think that's bad, my personal counselor never heard of the term "paraphilia" before. Tell us everything you can think of including details (sparing names of course).

Hi Mark! Thank you for the suggestions re therapy. I have been to see one of the clinics on the list, but was unable to receive any help from them. I will contact the others to see if they can help me. If I feel that they can help me cope with my depression and illness (that is what I dearly want - help in coping and coming to terms and some hope that I can have some kind of life) then I will seriously consider relocating to that area.

I am very depressed (I feel unhappy and sad virtually all of the time and suicidal a lot of the time) and really need to find some counselling / therapy. However, I feel too wary and scared at this time to share my innermost problems, in detail, publicly with the everyone on the internet. But basically I am only sexually aroused by cruelty to people and animals which: a) has made it impossible for me to have any kind of normal relationship; b) makes me feel guilty, ashamed and worthless; c) makes me feel that i do not deserve to be alive (a view probably shared by most people).

I really came on to this site in the hope that somebody could actually recommend a therapist personally. Does anyone know a therapist - anywhere????????????????????

Thank you again for your suggestions. geldy

geldy wrote:Hi Mark! Thank you for the suggestions re therapy. I have been to see one of the clinics on the list, but was unable to receive any help from them. I will contact the others to see if they can help me. If I feel that they can help me cope with my depression and illness (that is what I dearly want - help in coping and coming to terms and some hope that I can have some kind of life) then I will seriously consider relocating to that area.

I am very depressed (I feel unhappy and sad virtually all of the time and suicidal a lot of the time) and really need to find some counselling / therapy. However, I feel too wary and scared at this time to share my innermost problems, in detail, publicly with the everyone on the internet. But basically I am only sexually aroused by cruelty to people and animals which: a) has made it impossible for me to have any kind of normal relationship; b) makes me feel guilty, ashamed and worthless; c) makes me feel that i do not deserve to be alive (a view probably shared by most people).

I really came on to this site in the hope that somebody could actually recommend a therapist personally. Does anyone know a therapist - anywhere????????????????????

Thank you again for your suggestions. geldy

Well, I can defiantly say you're not alone. But a few points I do want to bring up.

Your depression isn't geared towards the loneliness or the lack of help; it is the fuel to the fire, but isn't what's burning. You and I share a lot in common in that respect. I was once on the brink of a very heavy depression and thoughts of suicide began to flow over me. Mostly because of your location, cruelty to animals is an unforgivable sin, much less cruelty to humans. It's like that in Canada too. But where I'm from, while it is regarded as very distasteful, you wouldn't be carried off in the streets to be mobbed and butchered. So know that the severity of certain conditions vary as part of local culture. Generally speaking in the Western world, it won't be accepted, but the level of condemnation varies.


The fact that you are distressed about it means that you dwell on it pretty harshly and the fact that you are very depressed over it means it's a big ugly thing that's weighed down your shoulders. But it is also a sign that you do seem to want to change, cope with it, keep it under control, or something. In that respect geldy, there's hope. You can rest assured that you won't end up this way forever if you're hung over it this much. As long as you do not accept it.


In a way, I have also gone to the brink of insanity by way of creating another person within me. This person was the embodiment of all my evil and aggression. Sometimes I would "let him out" and he would control me. It was evident too, by the way I dressed, talked, cut my hair, and acted in public. I was becoming a real Jekyll/Hyde. And that evil side of me took pleasure in writing stories about extreme torment of persons, mostly to young girls.

He's pretty quiet these days, has been for several months, over a year now. But I still secretly share that interest in cruelty with you. It isn't a primary issue and it's fairly easy to control now with the months of reconditioning of myself and forcing myself into reality, but it's still there. I'm still the only writer I know who can not only tolerate, but actually write out gruesome details.


One thing that helps get people away from suicide is to destroy the tempting thought that we are either completely useless, or that we could damage/hurt society and must save it from ourselves. What we need is a little boost in self esteem.


You show an amazing determination. You have looked, you have waited, and you have researched. You are obviously a hard-worker in some areas, in ways I wish I could be. I wish my job-searching were as strong as your search for therapy. If you are truly in distress and not looking for attention, and you are seriously depressed over the issue, you are wanting a normal life. That want must be the fueling flame to a new drive. To take away the kindling and wood of the fire burning your life and to push back the kerosene.

Either someone loves you, or you have strong efforts towards something (or both) because you have Internet and you have the time and dedication to try and help it. So while you're looking into other possibilities for help, why don't you give us an account of where you think this started? When was the first time you realized you had this problem, and what have you been doing with it since?

Usually knowing is the best first step into quickly finding help and a cure and it will be easier on your therapist to give out details. Just like a disease with an unknown cause (or unknown disease) it is important to tell a doctor everything rather than waiting for him to ask you the questions.

Hi Mark and everyone else, and thank you for your replies. Judgements certainly are different from country to country. However, more importantly, I am appalled at myself (I actually hate myself) and do not wish to see harm come to anyone or anything. But I only get my sexual kicks from such things. Although you say that things will change for me, I cannot see how. I AM two people. I cannot get rid of this cruel, ugly person - and I cannot live with that person. And he is not someone who comes out occasionally - he is with me all the time, telling me to find sexual gratification through whatever means, telling me to spy and cheat and lie and scheme.... This person is real and my reality is in no way normal (no partner, no kids, no family, no jobs, no friends). That is my reality. A boost in self esteem? From where? From whom? I cannot see any way out of this situation. I have lived in the darkness all my life - covering my tracks. But I am now too tired. I would love to be able to work and have friends and have a semblance of a "normal" life, but I do not know how to do this. It is alien to me. It has been my life for as long as I can remember. Depression has been my everyday state of mind for as long as I can remember. There are not dark days - there are dark decades. Where can I get help to change things? Does anyone know of a therapist who can help me come to terms with the evil that rules my life? Thanks, geldy.