child sexuality

As polarity increases around moral topics like sexuality, U.S. state and federal government is trying to find a balance between freedom of speech and press and protecting the general public from exploitation.

Take a look at this article.

California, well known as a hot-spot for heated debate between liberals and conservatives, has made the decision to permanently bar a self-proclaimed girl-lover activist, a 40-something-year-old pedophile with no criminal history, from posting pictures of girls taken in public places (parks, pools, etc.) on his now defunct website. The judges also decided to restrict the man's access to places where children are found.

I think I agree with the court's decision. Still, I feel some sympathy for the guy, not his actions, but the longing he seems to express when he says that while hating sexual aggression and wishing to obey to law, he could see himself taking a relationship with a child that wanted it to a sexual level if it were legal.

Which is a round about way of bringing me to my bizarre and possibly disturbing question: Is pedosexuality only a bad thing because culture forbids the marriage of adults to small children? If communities stopped traumatizing children who've been sexually active, (whether by themselves, with peers, or with adults), would those children grow up to see their past experience as negative? Why or why not?

I'm just a curious individual with an attraction to children who hoped to get some others' perspectives here. I hope I'm not intruding.

THe questions you are asking highlight just how vague this whole paraphilias issue is. It's recognised as a mental disorder in the DSM, but then it's also now apparently a criminal offence to even show an intention/indication of being with a minor. I can't give a definitive answer, but you can obviously gauge the difficulty we as admins face with people who come to this forum. Do we report them or don't we? In some cultures, sex is legal with people as young as 13 (Iran and Spain, for example) but in iothers it's 16. So, why is is looked upon as something discgusting in one coumntry to have sex with a 15 year old, for example, but not in the other country? It's all a matter of what the community is told to accept, as you've
implied...

I dunno... ...it's all too vague.

I think that sexual experiences between adults and minors are harmful regardless of the culture that they grow up in. What do I base that on? Well I am a survivor of (Child Sexual Abuse) CSA and I am a member of few other forums for survivors of CSA it has become apparent to me through this interaction that regardless of nationality that the dynamics of power and control in a adult minor sexual relationship are all very one sided and the end result is always harmful for the minor.

Now dose that make it any easier for me not to be sexually attracted to children?
No, I know I would harm a child if I indulged in my desires and that’s why I’m here. I need help not so much because I don’t want to break the laws of my country but because I am certain I would ruin other peoples lives.

Welcome Tor.

While my fantasies ignore it, I think I have to partially agree with Lostson, especially in the case of very young children. Teenagers are something else. Some children develop sooner than others, but little kids usually don't understand the breadth nor the depth of a marriage relationship nor the true significance of sex even if they are eager to experience bodily pleasure or play house and be like mommy and daddy, etc. Most importantly, at least until they reach a certain level of understanding about life, I doubt kids have the capacity to commit and sacrifice sufficiently to be part of a lifelong relationship, the kind of relationship that turns sex into something spiritually fulfilling rather than mere physical gratification. It's difficult to think back on my early childhood and imagine being happily married any earlier than 8 or 9, and then only if we were well matched, close enough in age, and had our families' support. A marriage at that age would likely not look very similar to an adult marriage, but I think it could endure regardless. By 12 or 13 I was thinking about marriage a lot and would have wanted to get married if I'd found the right girl near my age and it were socially acceptable. That's moot of course since by then I was no longer "little" per se. I'm likely an exception among males. I'm guessing most guys would think marriage that young is undesirable even if their parents and communities supported it.

Being a pedophile for as long as I remember, I don't know whether I'd have ever fallen in love with an adult while I was a child, but I suppose that if it's possible between two children it might also be possible between some adults and children, assuming the conditions were all just right. I think it would be much more risky and less likely to work because, as Lostson said, the dynamics are very one-sided, for which reason I appreciate the law.

Even if the law said child/adult sex relationships was okay and evidence proved that child sex is not directly harmful (an issue I'm still split on) there would be other factors which would hurt both the child and adult by non sex issues. This is because despite popular belief, sex is not the only factor involved in pedophile relationships. The majority of us truly do care about the children so much more than their bodies. In fact sex is probably the least important thing.

As a child grows up so does their personality. No longer would a pedo be able to love that person any more, as much as he would want to, perhaps he could care a lot about him/her, but probably not love, torn up by absence of the child he once cared about. But at the same time would that person still love the paedophile? I can't see why not. So yes, a huge problem there, one which would hurt them both in the end. There's other examples too. This is why pedophillia is a curse more than anything.

Tor wrote:I think I agree with the court's decision. Still, I feel some sympathy for the guy, not his actions, but the longing he seems to express when he says that while hating sexual aggression and wishing to obey to law, he could see himself taking a relationship with a child that wanted it to a sexual level if it were legal.

I understand the sentiment, but the language is too vague. '10 yards away from any place where children congregate' could mean anywhere. Want to go buy some fast food, oh wait, child may be there too. Well, I guess we have to buy our own food then, no? Lets go grocery shopping. Oh wait, children congregate there. I guess we have to order it off of Amazon and pick it up at the post office. Oh wait, children go there. Want to go to the church, the mall? Nope, children. Well, how about I go to work. Well, I can't use public transportation (children), and, if the judge wants to really throw the book at me, any time I were to drive within 10 feet of a park, daycare, or even a bus stop (which in some places is unmarked), boom, I'm in jail.

The issue is he has not done anything illegal. It is like a judge giving an restraining order to some atheist because their 'preaching' to children at a park (basically an atheist street preacher, if you can imagine that ) is making a bunch of children not want to go to the park. There are two difference between the atheist and the pedophile, pictures and thought. Of course, we can all take pictures, so even if they deny it, we know it is the thought that is why they are banning him. Aka. thought crime.

Which is a round about way of bringing me to my bizarre and possibly disturbing question: Is pedosexuality only a bad thing because culture forbids the marriage of adults to small children? If communities stopped traumatizing children who've been sexually active, (whether by themselves, with peers, or with adults), would those children grow up to see their past experience as negative? Why or why not?

I would think the answer would be no, but it is a question that a scientist could not even attempt to ask. For you see, if a scientist ever considered it less than an absolute truth that this is a no, his career is over.

A childs brain and personality are very fargile, whats more damaging than just the act of abuse or sexual activity is how the child is treated by society and people around them after it is discovered.

There is much reasearch into the idea that the damage to a child can be vastly minimized if the proper approach is used.

I will just refer you to some reading about it instead of repeat it:

http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/res/dallam/2.html
http://www.enotalone.com/article/9935.html
http://www.tc.umn.edu/~under006/Library ... ality.html

while not all the links agree on the exact same opinion or statement, I think its pretty clear that most of the psychological damage is done by the treatment of the child afterwards, and how different approaches can minimize effects later in life.

A child's brain is indeed fragile, and they could easily be 'tricked' by an adult who's brain is much more developed and manipulative. When you're a kiddo, you do what others tell you to do because your concept of right and wrong is not fully understood yet. So, altrhough it might feel wrong to engage in sexual acts with the grown person (the paedophile), you do it anyway because you know no better. You only realise that it's wrong when you're told that it's wrong, and that might not happen until much later down the line.

...

You only realise that it's wrong when you're told that it's wrong

So basically people only believe what they are told to believe in? A teacher teaches his students a subject and then those students later become teachers themselves and in turn teach others the same thing again. And then those students become... well you get the idea. Eventually the subject becomes common knowledge and everyone is a genius.

Only problem is, what if the original teacher was wrong? What if EVERYBODY is wrong?

You've taken what I said and applied to it what's on your own mind... ...I didn't say that (what you've implied that I've said). A kidf will be lieve what he/she is told when they are young - i.e. 2-6 years old. As they grow up, they recveive knowledge input from many sources and can rationalise things themselves.