Hatred towards Pedophiles

I'm not a pedophile myself, but I feel like a bad person since I actually like pedophiles and find them attractive. When people talk about pedophilia and how wrong it is, I can't help but feeling like I need to argue with them. But then once I imagine the reality that some people actually abuse children... well, I feel like it's wrong for them to do so in real life. But imagining it is perfectly fine. Even looking at kids in public and imagining what they could do to them is okay with me. In fact, it turns me on to think that a pedophile might have once looked at me that way. Just as long as no one got hurt, it's okay. But yet the public has to make such a big deal out of the people even having the paraphilia! They think it's sick and wrong... But what does that make me then? A person who actually finds those sort of people attractive? I've been told there's something wrong with me as well, because I support such fantasies. But just as long as they stay that - just fantasies.

I don't get what's so wrong with just imagining stuff if it doesn't hurt anyone...

There's nothing wrong with just having such thoughts on your mind, per se, but it's when you put thoughts into action that a problem arises.

Unagi wrote:But what does that make me then? A person who actually finds those sort of people attractive? I've been told there's something wrong with me as well, because I support such fantasies. But just as long as they stay that - just fantasies.

Over the years when I've looked for acceptance in unhealthy places I've talked to many women who like role playing as very young girls (sometimes toddlers) in sexual scenarios. What you fantasize about isn't uncommon and I find your preferences attractive the way you find pedophile preferences attractive. I don't believe in letting shame cover the facts. It's great when we can accept who we are, look at our impulses, recognize how powerful they are, appreciate what they bring us.. hope and relief, focus and energy, and use those things positively to help us move toward what we value in life, which obviously isn't to hurt children. Accepting those feelings and redirecting their energy is not the same as entertaining them though, (a mistake I make often). For me it's much easier said than done, to feel criticized at every turn for my fantasies among other things, and not criticize my own feelings as well or else lash back at my critics. It's been easy to let my fantasies run wild just out of spite for the rejection I feel.

You're right, Kevin, that at some point everybody's thought something they'd never want to share. It's what we do with those thoughts that's important.

Hate and repression really never accomplished anything of value.

There's an air of peace about you, S3, that I quite enjoy. Did anyone ever tell you that? Hatred has indeed not accompilshed anything useful, in my view. I try to suppres hatred as much as I possibly can, and replace it with understanding. I could have easily hated you... ...Years ago I might have... ...but not now.

Actually the rule with these forums has always been that we report if we feel there is an admission or a threat. This goes beyond the Pedophilia issue and we have reported and intervened on a number of child abuse, domestic violence, assaults, sexual assaults, and property crimes since the site was created. We have several active members who despite their sexual urges for children have never been reported (at least to my knowledge) because they have made it clear that they do not actively pursue children sexually.

That said, everyone here is aware that I am a survivor of sexual abuse. I tend to avoid posting replies in this area because it can be triggering for me and can cause me to get emotional which makes my responses less effective.

I have actually learned quite a bit by these conversations and while I hate the crime that is associated with Pedophilia, and those who have harmed children will get no pity from me... I don't hate someone simply because of their sexual urges. I can't say I understand those urges, and yes they do disgust me to be honest. I dislike the fact that some claim that viewing child porn is not a crime because there are no victims. It seems they conveniently forget that the child they are sexually objectifying was a victim and those pictures are in fact evidence of that crime and that is exactly why child porn is illegal.

Chucky wrote:There's an air of peace about you, S3, that I quite enjoy. Did anyone ever tell you that? Hatred has indeed not accompilshed anything useful, in my view. I try to suppres hatred as much as I possibly can, and replace it with understanding. I could have easily hated you... ...Years ago I might have... ...but not now.

Your telling me that means a lot. Thank you. Even though I sometimes feel the need to be assertive and am somewhat controversial on this forum, I want to give help as much as I receive it. Like you, I try to counter animosity with understanding.

seanetal wrote:Actually the rule with these forums has always been that we report if we feel there is an admission or a threat.
...
That said, everyone here is aware that I am a survivor of sexual abuse. I tend to avoid posting replies in this area because it can be triggering for me and can cause me to get emotional which makes my responses less effective.

I have actually learned quite a bit by these conversations and while I hate the crime that is associated with Pedophilia, and those who have harmed children will get no pity from me... I don't hate someone simply because of their sexual urges.

Certainly I take issue with the hyper-vigilantism here that has caused an innocent person to be unemployed for several months and publicly humiliated. Anyone who cares enough to report a person for his/her admitted struggles should ask or find out whether that person has already consulted a professional concerning all their risky behavior. If that person says that they have, then the reporting should be left to the professional if there's anything to worry about. If someone claims that their professional help has been informed of everything, I see anything reported to overzealous authorities by an untrained forum administrator or other reader to be unjustified. I'm willing to grant that it could have been an honest mistake, but no moderator has offered sympathy for a pedophile in that type of scenario, so I continue to question motivations.

My main bone to pick isn't who gets reported for what, but the reason behind the reporting.

Allowing a forum devoted to the topic of paraphilia in the first place is brave and, in my honest opinion, an admirable thing, especially considering the very sad traumatic history of some of our moderators and our administrator. I truly believe the healing of the victim and the offender are inextricably bound. Because of that belief I briefly posted in the child, incest, and sexual abuse forums, leaving behind my personal concerns/attractions and controversial opinions to give support to others, until I was privately asked not to post there by a friendly mod many months ago. A "no pity" mentality toward any single human being, even one who commits despicable and heinous crimes against children, is just as destructive to the 'innocent' person who adopts that mentality as it is to the criminal.

If any of the advice that I offer is heard concerning this, I ask that reporting NOT be done in spite, even when reporting is called for.

When the safety of individuals appears to be at risk and there is no willingness to consult a professional, let the whole situation surrounding the individuals be reported with loving concern for all involved.

There you go again S3 - nice and calm - and, yes, I try to counter animosity with understanding. However, it doesn't always work on the Antisocial PD forum. I haven't really figured out how those guys operate, probably because I've never even been closde to be ASPD.

I think that this particular forum exists because it's listed as a mental disorder in the DSM IV. When this website started out (and Seanatal can correct me on this), all of the forums were just official ones taken from the DSM, irrespective of their controversial nature. I mean, who wants an ASPD and paraphilias forum!? ... ...joke! The modern look website has lots of more general forums now though.

And thanks again! I'll take every compliment I can get.
ASPD individuals have something else working for them apparently. Maybe they somehow came to believe deep down that any sign of true feeling is a way to manipulate themselves or others? I'm guessing they'd need some sort of motivation or solid incentive to really dive into what they feel themselves then to empathize with others.

Whatever it's origin, this forum is cool! I think that it's well managed overall. It's better IMO to be too cautious as long as our mods are well-meaning and willing to consider reasonable suggestions, than to have such a forum and allow it to degenerate into something dangerous.

Finding something to mutually hate is often a thing that brings a lot of groups together. Sometimes we give in to it to feel part of the group, or because we fear that by not agreeing (even if it is only to be silent) their anger will be turned on us. It can be very difficult because I think people who look more into psychology are better capable of dealing with the instinctive hatred many feel towards people with mental aberration/disorders/problems/etc.

A lot of it is probably also based on how the group you're talking about may be using slang (like talking about child molesters, the media often does so interchangeably) whereas you're more informed about the actual diagnostic criteria involved in this paraphilia and thus aren't perceiving the word in the same way.