Is Pedophilia in Women Rare?

I was curious, as I noticed there doesn't seem to be much mention of this tendency in women, nor do I see other women on this forum confessing to such things.

If this is typically an illness that affects males, then I wonder why does it affect me? My sexual desires do not seem to be any more intense than what is typical for a female, and the nature of my attraction is more emotionally driven than physical.

I feel very alone in this...

I think it is more prevalent then reported, because people find it difficult to believe that women can be either child sexual offenders or sexually interested in prepubescent teenagers. In the past usually when younger males in their very young teens have had sex with females it has not been taken seriously. For two reasons, one, it was seen as a young boy getting an early start sowing his seeds, and two, females' rarely use force unless coerced by another male. However, it is becoming more prevalent with sex offender therapists reporting more cases up to an increase of 33% . Added to this, male victims are coming forward to report the occurrences more, and are presenting with a number of mental health and drug and alcohol issues associated with the abuse. Whether one uses force or not, child victims of sexual abuse of both male and female perpetrators have always been incredibly damaged by the experience. Male victims have a particularly hard time when it is a female offender because they're family, friends and others find it hard to imagine how it could have damaged them. But it does, they are more likely to experience significant problems with mental health, drugs and alcohol etc.

Society would tend to view a 45 year old man having sex with a 14 year old girl as much more sinister and perverted then if the roles were reversed (45 year old woman, 14 year old boy). Also it really does depend on the person and how they react, some 14 year old boys would brag about losing their virginity at such a young age, and see it as a positive, others would be affected. It's a little bit different in relation to girls, most tend to regret having sex at such a young age, some even at the age of consent.

Also the physical aspect, it wouldn't be easy for a women to overpower or force a teenage boy into sex.

I'm talking about women having sex with underage teenagers, off course women could overpower small children.

Most sex offenders tend to be male, men tend to have a higher sex drive, and most sexual abusers of young children are male, it's rare for women to do. Also I have no statistical facts to back this up, but looking on the news, reading news reports etc.. most paedophiles tend to be white.

NOTE: I'm white myself before anybody accuses me of racism.

A male child who experience sexual abuse growing up is more likely to identify with the abuser where as a female child is more likely to blame themselves and identify as the victim. This is why women who are involved in abusive relationships often report that they where abused as a child and men who grow to abuse children often report being abused as a child. Theres lots of other factors but yes pedophilia in women is rare compared to men.

I suppose it would make sense for males to not appear to be 'badly' affected by sexual abuse by a female. My boyfriend remembers his mother fondling him when he was young and he even played with other children in 'that way.' Whereas the abuse I endured as a child strikes me as being very negative... he feels that the abuse he endured had not harmed him greatly and believes it has made him all the more sexual. I delay sex for a long time due to my abuse, and he often confuses love and sex... so eager to show love physically, that he has to 'slow down' to make sure he's not being fooled.

Perhaps the 'coldness' I feel towards people and the sexual frustrations could be considered very bad consequences of sexual abuse, but I feel that it's not helpful for a man to go from one relationship to another thinking sex equals love, only to be let down again and again... or feeling neglected when a woman is not as eager to show love as often in physical ways. Luckily we've reached a balance with love, sex, and shows of affection... but we've both had to find near opposites before any kind of happiness could be found.

There are even deeper problems that would stem from the abuse that aren't nearly so obvious but just as detrimental.

As far as me being female and having this attraction... I can't help but to wonder if my more maternal desires are blending with sexual desires... as the attraction doesn't occur until I feel a sense of friendship and intimacy with a child. It's easy enough for me to dismiss a child I don't know...

Neuling wrote:As far as me being female and having this attraction... I can't help but to wonder if my more maternal desires are blending with sexual desires... as the attraction doesn't occur until I feel a sense of friendship and intimacy with a child. It's easy enough for me to dismiss a child I don't know...

possibly you are confusing a nurturing love feeling with a sexual intimacy feeling. Or, perhaps you relate emotionally to children. Male offenders also have a kind of arrested emotional development where they feel more comfortable emotionally and intimately with children than adults. And sometimes they are both adult and child emotionally attached.

Many offenders also speak of early family childhood sexual experiences and speak about being introduced to sex at an early age. In fact may sexual offenders say they are only giving their children sex education experiences. However many sex offenders use these attitudes of sex education as kind of excuse for offending. And as you have said about your boyfriend he confuses sex with love or confuses sex with emotional intimacy. Sexual obsession is also very common in sex offenders, its a way of coping, sex is used to relieve stress, manage all kinds of emotions including anger, grief or frustration. The thing is, it seems it's the only coping mechanism they have when they are stressed.

I think it is rare, but I do know of one instance personally where a female baby-sitter repeatedly sexually abused a young boy. And I have seen further cases online. I think people are right it does affect men differently when they are abused, but that does not excuse it. I think it is just as bad for a female to abuse a male child as vice versa.

I'm sorry you feel so alone, Neuling. Please don't. You're brave to be open about your attraction here and with your boyfriend. Having read a lot and seen enough I know that there are many women who abuse girls or boys, and, more importantly, there are even more women with an attraction to girls or boys who don't abuse them. FYI, there have been other women in the past on this forum and the Sexual Addictions forum who confessed an attraction to children. At least three I can remember off the top of my head though I'm positive there are more. Sadly, they don't stick around unlike you for various reasons, one being that they don't immediately find other women here. I hope you feel welcome here, and stay a while, (sorry I'm so late to welcome you).

If you could talk to another woman pedophile, what would you ask her, or what would you like to talk to her about?

In talking to other men I've found that we share a yearning, pain and anxiety, an interest in finding acceptance by someone to share the burden with, and more. I hope you find that here, even if not from another woman right away.

S3 wrote:Sadly, they don't stick around unlike you for various reasons, one being that they don't immediately find other women here. I hope you feel welcome here, and stay a while, (sorry I'm so late to welcome you).

If you could talk to another woman pedophile, what would you ask her, or what would you like to talk to her about?

In talking to other men I've found that we share a yearning, pain and anxiety, an interest in finding acceptance by someone to share the burden with, and more. I hope you find that here, even if not from another woman right away.

Thank you very much for the welcome.

I probably linger because female role models were for the most part rare in my childhood. My mother was emotionally distant, did not understand me (as I failed at being typically 'girlie') and made her displeasure known. This left my dad to take up more of the role of parenting for me, while my mother focused more on my brother. Since he didn't know much about girls, my upbringing was meant more for a boy but tailored to fit nonetheless. This worked well with my natural inclinations towards the more mechanical, outdoors, and science. My interest in females manifested at an early age which alienated me even more from females. So I am more comfortable around males.

If I could talk with another woman pedophile I would ask her when her feelings first manifested, does she feel her childhood contributed to the development of such feelings, and how has she endured? Beyond that, there wouldn't be too much more that I'd venture to share, for many women do not understand my aloofness or my lack of meaningful emotional depth. I would also be at a loss to understand their emotional depth, compare childhoods, or try to offer explanation for why women are ultimately a mystery to me despite being a member of the female gender.

I am learning much about these feelings I have and their possible origins in my own psychology based in part to the comparisons of others here. It's understood that I may never fully satisfy any such 'yearning' for acceptance, but having some answers to questions I've struggled with for some time should suffice. From what I've gathered so far, these feelings I have probably stem from some vast loneliness I've always felt in some degree. Children usually do not sense my oddness or they find it to be quite interesting... whereas adults are more apt to find a category I must belong to so they can adjust their behavior accordingly. Rarely am I ever 'categorized' properly.

I think women care less about sex than men do. It's in our genes to go out and find a partner to have sex with.
Female pedophiles are the better suited pedophiles because of this, imo. There are a number of reasons why we rarely hear about females.

-Women with a circle of children around are not usually reguarded as pedophiles. Imagine if men did this. Because they are allowed to spend more time with children they are less likely to offend because they feel emoitionally satisfied.

-Women show more empathy. When women do have sex with children their relationships are usually built with trust and love. Men sometimes skip this part and are only interested in sex. Even if you consider this abuse there is a difference to a child.

-Women can lie their way from normal relationships with adults easier then men can. All they have to do is fake it in bed... most women in the world argue that they already do this anyway, lol. So they can hide their idenities easier than men.