Absoulutely Terrible Dreams!

I'm not sure how to word this or come about saying this but the past couple nights I've been having a terrible dream. The dream isn't really specific and its not real informative but basically its a flashback to some time in my life between age 14-17. I am 27 now. In the dream or flashback I have sexually abused a young girl (few years younger than me) who is staying the night at our house. It doesn't going into details about what I have done to her I just know that I've done something bad. I know that she is laying quietly and I touch her inappropriately. That is when I wake up. It is so vivid that I'm having a hard time dealing with it. I can't discern if I've actually done something like this and have repressed it till now or if its just a huge fabrication of my imagination. Twice now I've woken with a specific person/name/face in my mind and totally convinced its happened only to realized that we where never alone or at the same house at night when this takes place. Or at least so I can remember.

What also scares me is I consider myself borderline sexually deviant especially in the age/time frame of which I'm afraid this is to have happened. I find myself visiting porn websites a few times a week and in my younger years have had several consensual sexual partners, all of which where of the same age or older. I have been monogamous for going on 5 years now, so I'm not acting on any deviant behavior currently.

I'm not really sure what to do. I tried telling my current fiance about this but I could tell she was very uncomfortable by it and I do not want to come off like a freak or weird person.

This has been eating at me for the past couple of days. The whole situation feels very irrational to me but still I feel sick like I need to vomit over the worry that I may have very seriously hurt (mentally) a young girl.




On a side note, I am somewhat comforted by the fact that I have had dreams where I have murdered someone presented like a flashback. Which is obviously not even close to reality but still the rest of the day I feel a sense of guilt and worry. I'm not comforted by being murderous dreamer, but the fact that I have had similar flashback dreams that bring about guilt and worry.


I'm just struggling back and forth on if this has happened or not! Help!

Nooneimportant, maybe you just have a problem with nightmares and not with any kind of deviant sexual behavior. Have you talked to a doctor about this? I know there are people who have nightmares that seem very real and it's an actual problem. You probably didn't hurt this person at all, especially since you say that you were never in the same house at night.
Watching porn a few times a week and having a few sexual partners doesn't make you deviant, don't worry.

*Agrees with Jasmin bad dreams are just that bad dreams try not to dwell to much on them.

And having casual sex and viewing pornography really dosent sound like a sexual deviant to me.
But that is really a personal thing that is based on your morals.
I would say try cutting your self some slack and let go of this.