Masochism from a young age for no reason??

HI
I'm new here...

About a week ago, for the first time I realized that there was a name for what I am.
Before I was vaguely aware that I was sick, and I contiously told my self that, but I didn't actually think it. Than when I realized that I'm in the dictionary, I had a bit of a crisis-like reaction. It's both a good thing and bad thing, I suppose. Now I know there are other people like me (it's not that I didn't think that before, but it just didn't occur to me I guess), but I also know what other people think of people like me, etc...

I am still young (?) and I have never had sex or even kissed anyone or been in a relationship. (I'm not very "mature" in this way...)
But I have masterbated ever since I was 4 (I think...) and masturbated to the thoughts of being tortured starting about when I was 6. When I was about 10 or so I masterbated to the thoughts of being raped. I had seen a movie where there was a rape scene. I thought of two of the rapists pinning me down while the other one was forcefully making me give him a blowjob, even though I didn't know that such things existed at the time...Well, only in my head. The other two people were saying how much cuter I was when I was disliking what I was being made to do.

The other problem I have with being a masochist, is that I had such a perfect childhood... I was never abused or molested or anything, and I have an abnormally good relationship with my parents. NOTHING in my upbringing could possibly point to why I am this way...

Is it normal to have all that happen when you are that young?(Sorry, I now realize this subject has already been visited...but I will post anyway.)
And is it normal to be a masochist (from such a younf age)without having been abused?

Is it normal?

That is a good question. I'm not a doctor or anything, but in my very limited experience of the world I have met many different people with many different everything's and to be perfectly frank and honest there is no way to define what, "normal and healthy" behavior is.

I mean there was a time when masturbation was not supposedly a normal or healthy practice.

So is what you've described normal? Honestly, it sounds pretty normal and basic to me. Does it sound normal and basic to you? Maybe that's something to think about.

As far as sex goes, I find certain things such as bondage and restraint to be quite arousing. I also find other, less known acts, to be quite intriguing too. How long has this been the case? Ever since I started masturbating and watching porn. What type of porn did I watch? Porn dealing with bondage and restraint (ever since I was 10 or 11).

Am I normal? Yeah, I would say I am.

You seem like a bright individual who is pretty curious about why things are the way they are. I think you should just talk to someone about it who knows what they're talking about like a doctor or something. Not cause the things you describe need fixing or anything, but someone who truly knows what they're talking about and might have a better view of what normal is or if it even exists.

My only piece of advice for you is to not feel down on yourself for the way you feel. Nobody needs negativity.

Have a pleasant evening.

Same, only I didn't fantasize that young. Everyone is different though. I also watched a movie with something similar and it turned me on, but I didn't masturbate till I was 14. Some people do mature faster. I have heard of a girl who started at 8.

Thank you for responding!

Yeah... Normalicy is very interesting, (I find) out side of well, this sort of thing too. And it's a very subjective thing too, it seems, a lot of the time.
Like, I find my self normal, but do other people, and what other people and how many?? Sort of questions naturally come up...

I think about "normalicy" alot because I've had a very unusual upbringing and am in very unusual cercumstances, etc. And so have never experienced "normal". But on the other hand looking at my self objectively, I find my self, not my upbringing or anything, but just my self, very normal.
I'm attracted to gothic metal and "dark" stories, etc and so, that doesn't necesaraly seem "normal" to alot of people, but than I was like, well, I guess you would have to be super normal to like stuff like that. Well, I actually said this, and than just a few days later I realized that I am a masochist and than was like; well, I guess not...

And so anyway... I think. A lot. Too much.
But it would be interesting to get a "clinical" view on this...

Maturing faster... umm... and I feel like I'm maturing slower in this general area... being 15 (almost 16) and not having ever been "asked out" or anything, seems "not normal" to me... but than again that is just the impression of things that society pushes...
And because of that now I'm a little like: do I have any sort of chance at a "normal" relationship? Or what is a relationship even going to look like for me...?

All unnecessary worries, and stuff... I know. I still think though.

I don't think that dating at that age is as big of a deal as it seems, but it's an individual decision. It isn't mature, however, to date just to prove maturity. I think maturity is being able to decide for oneself what they want and following that while maintaining respect for others. To clarify, what I meant: being mature or explorative about one thing doesn't mean that you have to be mature in every area. I'm not saying you seem like an immature person either. I guess it is hard for me to explain.
Yeah, normal is confusing. Plenty of normal people watch movies or play games with violent content. They also wonder how other people can think up these ideas that they will watch. Media, thoughts, and fantasies are about the same. None of them have to be real.
I think a normal relationship is possible, and I replied that to someone elses thread. Also, if it is not soething that can change for you, there are people who have sadist-masochist relationships that are consentual and do not have to take that outside of the bedroom- they can still maintain respect when communicating and dividing responsibilities as well as any one who is "normal".

BTW: I had no serious trauma to cause this. If it possible, and it probably is, the influences could have been what I watched and not having great relations with certain men/boys. However, it would have been just as easy to focus and find interest in things not so taboo or think about all the good men.

June, My advice is to find a kind guy who loves you and is willing to get a bit kinky in the bedroom.

Yeah...
Scrolling down the psych forums to get here though, I noticed for the first time how many disorders there are... I mean really, everyone, if even just the slightest bit, probably fits into at least one of thos catagories, even if it was just a tendancy or what ever, not actually a diagnostic thing...

I agree that doing things to show maturity is in fact showing exactly the opposite...
I'm just happy that I'm with friends and people that I don't have to do anything to prove anything to them...

The fact that we can be something or think something or feel something without completely being it is something else that gets me thinking... and confused too. And it's also interesting. Because, I mean really, if we were completely everything we ever felt/thought/was, we'd be dead in less than 10 seconds... We'd have to die of our emotions and identities... And... I can go on.
In fact I could type up a whole piece of writing I that have written on this subject, but I will spare you that...

And yeah...
Thanx for the advice. I will eventually find a guy like that, I think.

Hi June.

June wrote:Is it normal to have all that happen when you are that young?(Sorry, I now realize this subject has already been visited...but I will post anyway.)
And is it normal to be a masochist (from such a younf age)without having been abused?

Yes, it is "normal" to have that happen in that young age. Almost every person I have talked to with a paraphilia have had it since early childhood.
I do as well have a paraphilia, which I have fantasized about as long as I can remember (as young as you were).

The only different is that I have another paraphilia than you.