A gift from my mother

You know my mother said something curious to me the other day. I was asking her if it was hard psychologically for her to have a son that is a pedophile. Then she said something bizarre that I wasn’t expecting she said everyone including her has sexual thoughts about children she said its totally normal what isn’t normal or okay is to hurt children. So basically my mother told me that she has sexual thoughts about children she just doesn’t act on them. So is my mother a pedophile too? If its true then I don’t just get it from my father I got it from both sides. When she shared that I felt so close to her even though she didn’t say it like a secret she said it like everyone feels the same way

That is definately weird.

However, not EVERYONE has had thoughts sexually of children, I for one never have and I know many other's who find any attaction to children disgusting... including myself. so what she says is completely false.

No it's not normal to think of children sexually at all, and yes even though you may not be physically or sexually harming them it isnt' right... if you have images of children it isn't right and illegal. Your mother does sound like a pedophile yes.

No not everyone feels the same way pedophiles do.

First of all what's your story Butterfly? You have some nerve coming after someone like that. I don't give a $#%^ if you are a moderator that doesn't give you the right to judge someone or their mom. We are here because this is a safe place not because we need people like you making us feel more like $#%^ than we already do. I'm not a pedophile but at least I have sympathy for those that have these awful urges that they never asked for and don't deserve to have to live with. If you were molested or raped I'm sorry but don't start running your mouth about people and things you don't understand.

Now on to you Lostson. I'm going to guess that when your mom said EVERYONE it was meant as a general term. Like when somebody says,"everyone knows that" about whatever they are talking about. Do you think it's possible that her feelings stem from a sort of sympathetic association since she lived with a pedophile and had one also. She must be living with at least some guilt and maybe her way of dealing with it is by consciencely believeing she has those feelings too. A sort of psychological coping method through guilt. Whatever it is I wouldn't call your mom a pedophile without knowing more about her feelings. If it makes you feel better I'm happy for you. Though I don't think everyone feels like that it's not my place to call your mom anything other than what she is, your mother.

Butterfly Faerie I have a question. Why do you find attraction to children disgusting? Is it like the same feelings some heterosexual thinking about homosexual relations? I personally don’t feel that way I was just trying to come up with a similarity. I understand not agreeing with it or not understanding it but to call it disgusting it just seems unnecessarily mean spirited. Just my thoughts though.

Just another quick question why did you say “if you have images of children it isn't right and illegal”? I never said either my mother or I viewed illegal material or pictures of children. Are you implying that all pedophiles are also child pornographers? Because that is false and I personaly take offense to that.

Paraphiliac187 I appreciate your insight perhaps my mother was feeling guilty or perhaps she was just trying to make me feel better. Perhaps I was too quick to imply she had a disorder also. Although I don’t see being called a pedophile a bad thing. It is just a mental disorder just like OCD or PTSD no one can help having it it’s just one of those things. I personally don’t see it as a derogatory comment, but again that is just my view.

attraction to children is wrong when you have sexual feelings for them, no one should have those types of feelings for children like that.

alot of people will agree with me that pedophilia is disgusting, only pedophiles won't see it as that... it may seem low spirited or mean, but that's how I see it and a lot of people see it. I have safed children and got their molesters arrested in the past, if you are not planning on going to harm a child then that's one thing, but this kind of thing is going to bother other's especially victims of pedophilia.

i never said that you or your mother had child porn, I was making a statement in general.

Lostson, if your mother said she has those kinds of feelings for kids, she probably meant it and isn't just trying to cope. I guess you may know better than I do though.
Having these feelings for kids is different than other disorders because if you put them into practice it would be abuse. It's just like if someone said that they think about killing people all the time. They've done nothing wrong, but their thoughts are bad because this person would harm someone else and the thoughts may well harm the person who has them too.
Homosexuality doesn't hurt any one and I think it's unfair when people compare it to pedophillia all the time, only because they both have to do with sex.
Paraphiliac, I think we all have a responsibility to draw attention to the fact that having sexual thoughts about kids is bad and it has to be cured or kept under control, as long as we're not harrassing any one. It doesn't mean that people shouldn't get to talk about their feelings here, of course.
Butterfly was saying that it's disgusting to her and not all people feel how Lostson's mom feels.

I dont think naturally we can help the urges/desires that god created us with, and to some extent there is a huge difference between fantasising about thoughts and the acting upon them. You cannot control the thoughts you have, you can however seek help or try to help yourself if they are causing you problems.
I know it might be seen as sick or whatever for a person to have these thoughts, but, lets think about this; before we reach puberty and our bodies change and we gain all kinds of sexual impulses, no person would hope for feelings towards children or anything else that society has an objection to. We would all hope for 'normal' feelings. however we are all different (thankgod!) and we dont all have the same feelings. hence the rise and acceptability of homosexuals, bisexuals etc.... So it is important to recognise that such paraphilias as the feelings, sexual desires for children cant be avoided for some people, if they could then maybe we would all be vacinated at birth ??? not a chance. Everyone is different and i think the fact that lostson has written on this page and the website as a whole shows the true goodness of this person realising he has these issues that have naturally come along and he is trying to deal with them.

Ryn89

Well Lostson and Jasmin I wasn't saying she only said it to cope or make you feel better I just meant that the guilt by association was the source of her feelings, and that's just my opinion. I'm glad that you've saved children that were victimized Butterfly but can you imagine having to live with those thoughts everyday and for no fault of their own. People like us don't want these feelings (though I'm not a pedophile) and no I don't hink being attracted to kids is ok but it's not his fault so stop acting like he wants to have these feelings on purpose. If you think that this is a choice for people you're an idiot. Homosexuality isn't a choice either though don't dismiss the connection to paraphilia. I'm reading a book now that states that Sigmund Freud (kind of a smart guy) had a theory that sexual perversion (paraphilia) may be repressed homosexuality. Homosexuality that was beaten out in the subconscience before birth. My point is that people don't need to come on this forum and tell people that pedophilia is not ok because I'm sure had Lostson had his druthers he wouldn't have these feelings. Obviously he knows it's not natural but he has accepted his fate and is working hard to keep it from becoming a reality. So let's applaud Lostson on taking on his problem head on, Butterfly for helping the people who need it most, Jasmin for always defending people no matter what they write , and Ryn89 for agreeing with me that God may in fact hate us (I wrote that in a seperate post) and there's nothing we can do about our feelings other than try to get help and hopefully don't hurt people.

Sorry paraphiliac187 but you took what I said completely off base, I have however a right to my opnion and what I thought about what lostson's mother told him, it was not guilt by association at all.

No I can't imagine someone living with the thoughts, i'm sure there are a lot of people who do that don't understand it, and I"m sure it's very frustrating. What Jasmin points out too is that as long as no one is acting out on this attraction to children then it's not harmful.

What I worry about is the possibility of someone like you or lostson acting our their feelings or attraction, pedophiles on here have admitted to that. That's what I'm getting at.

It could be repressed homosexuality, anything is possible.

I'm glad lostson wants to share his story and to help other's with this issue, this is a tough and controversial topic, when I see some red flags I feel that I need to respond.

Again I don't think lostson's intention is to harm someone, but I felt the need to say what I did, not to attack him or his mother, he asked if she could be a pedophile, and from what I read with what she said to him, I said yes. Because to me the way that he worded it etc makes it seem that way.

I agree with you, there is nothing that can be done about feelings other then try to help and hopefully not to act out on them.

I'm just sharing my feelings on it, I'm not jumping at anyone and pointing finger's, you've completely mis-read what I was saying, but that's ok.

Some pedophiles don't seem to mind having those feelings because they do act out on them I don't think you or lostson would.. but It's always a concern of mine.

As long as lostson doesn't want these thoughts even if they are there then that's different isn't it? I'm not saying it's his fault, I'm just letting him know my view on it, and what his mother said to him about everyone feeling that way...

No homosexuality isn't a choice either, however it does not harm children like pedohilia can.

Let me be clear again, I am not a pedophile. And I didn't misread what you said. I merely pointed out that what you said is obvious and doesn't need to be said again. We all know hurting kids is wrong. I have a two year old boy and god forbid anyone hurt him sexually or otherwise the #####&'s a dead man. Let's consider this matter between us closed. Although I don't think you can say for sure that what she felt may have been brought on by guilt we both have opinions on what was said and neither was right or wrong. Keep up the good fight and I will keep on trying to invoke intelligent conversation and maybe some feisty conflict, but it's all with good intentions. I try to stick up for my own, just like you work hard to protect kids from the harsh reality of what people discuss on this forum. Until next time Butterfly