How do you cope with your fantasies?

Well that's the catch! When I feel like I'm doing better I'm often just as tempted as when I'm not doing better except that I accept that I'm tempted instead of struggling against it. Ideally, like you said, the fantasies will fade away as I come to terms with them and learn to coexist peacefully with them, but more often there are times that despite feeling calm about it, the urge to cyber or surf for porn only burns more fiercely. I guess it's like I open the door to a room that's on fire, and the increased oxygen from outside causes a flash fire. I feel like I need access to that room to find out what's happening and how to make things right, and I can't wait for the fire to suffocate before I go in, so I'm basically at an increased risk of getting burned even though what I do is ultimately intended to subdue the flame.

Right now I only really have control over whether or not to let go of the illusion of control over my impulses. This is all well and good, only the getting burned part is what's wrong. I often let myself get too comfortable and don't feel like exercising the necessary caution when I open that door. I hope the analogy makes sense. You could say I'm thinking irrationally. I almost want to get burned. I'm not willing to deal with stress in other parts of life so I try to drown it out despite knowing that it won't work to let myself get swallowed up in my fantasies.

Well, considering that you seem to be torn between being in control and not being in control, don't you think that medication could help you? I mean, do your obsessions 'leak' into other aspects of your life? Some medications have the effect of 'neutralising' the mood, thereby minimising the extremes of control and lack-of.

Kinda yeah. The obsession leaks out, but I don't feel too worried about it. My work is sufficiently high quality, and overall I'm satisfied with my relationships, but both could be better and there's a good deal of anxiety at times about whether my life might suddenly derail. I've talked about meds with my psychologist a few times, but I don't have a psychiatrist yet so nothing has materialized from it, plus I'm more than a little worried about side effects and dependency. I've heard some recommendations from people in my group too, but it's still something that scares me, frankly. I've been on medication before and been all right, but that was when I was a kid and it still felt ok to rely on that sort of thing for help. I'm no longer a kid and it feels like I can't risk that kind of weakness. Rationally, I know I'm just choosing to let myself be weak in one way instead of another, but I'm semi-comfortable this way, (being weak to my sexual impulses), and choosing to rely on meds is a change I'm not comfortable with yet, though I think I'm ready to consider them anyway. Thanks for the suggestion.

Have you tried any medication to help control urges? What's your experience?

Hi,

Throw all your worries about medication out the window. Why? - Because all of the stories you hear about it are going to invariably be bad ones. I mean, if medication works in someone, do you think that they are going to go around telling everyone about it? - No, they certainly won't. They will instead just get on with their lives and pretend that nothing ever happened. However, if the medication doesn't work, then you'll defintely hear about it.

It is my belief that too many people don't give psychotherapeutic medication enough time to work, and/or they have too high expectations of it. The fact is that any medication of this kind that you take will invariably be slow-acting and won't suddenly lift you out of your bad mood.

In answer to your question though: I've been taking Lexapro for 4+ years now. I began taking it for depression but it works as an aid to overcoming obsessions too. So, look positively on medication... ...Lexapro has helped me immensely.

Take care,
Kevin

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Hey,

When you say this 'kind of stuff', what do you mean exactly? Lexapro is good for helping a person who has 'racing' thoughts, OCD, depression, anxiety, etc. It is a prescription-only drug though. So, you'd have to ask a doctor about it.

Kevin

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liamir wrote:Referring to compulsions. And yeah most psych meds are prescription. I can still research it before I talk to a doctor about it.

Sure - yeh - I was just making sure that we were on the same wavelength. Good luck dude.

OK. I talked to my physician at my annual check-up the other day. I told him my concern about not wanting to have to take the medication every day, but, instead, just when obsessive thoughts bother me. He recommended Zinc and Magnesium. I say, great! I'll give it a shot. Thanks for the support Chucky.

Liamir, thanks for for posting! I guess there aren't many others interested right now in taking advantage of this thread.

Lessee.. so this has been my situation lately:
In my sexual anxieties support group everyone, including the facilitators, was asked to write on a sticky label a word that describes us which we felt uncomfortable or ashamed of discussing. It was supposed to be something we hadn't previously brought before the group. We wore these labels throughout the hour and a half remainder of our discussion but we weren't allowed to discuss what was on each other's tags, just how it felt to wear the label in front of others.

So I wrote PEDOPHILE in large, bold, clear letters. Man, my heart was racing! In a way, it was thrilling, actually. There are some guys in the group who had shared their same gender attraction weeks previously and how they didn't want to feel attracted to men, but the following week when we openly discussed our labels we talked about it and many admitted they were shocked and initially didn't want to believe that a nice guy like me was a pedophile. "Some things," one of them said effectively, "you just want to think are totally evil, even when you struggle with your own vices. It's eye-opening that someone with this sort of problem can be a really nice guy." Most of the guys, except one with same gender attraction, mentioned that they were shocked when they read my label, but all of them said they accept me. There's a female facilitator in the group and I asked her what she thought about my label. She was sympathetic. I explained how my mother had always used very sharp words against child abuse, and when speaking of my father who was charged for raping my younger brother. The experience seems to have let me feel more free to talk openly in the group and seems to have made my situation as a pedophile more workable. I'm glad I trusted the group.

Right now my biggest challenges are stress and anxiety about work, and the compulsion I feel toward looking for sexual materials and masturbating. It's been a long time since I've set a goal for myself to not masturbate, but I have, (it's been almost a week, and I'm supposed to go at least 2 weeks). Obsessive thoughts are giving me more trouble now than before I started to restrict my masturbation, but at the same time I feel all right with the fact that I have these thoughts. I don't know whether I'll be willing to have them and not act out in some way, though. I'm frustrated with the boundaries that I've allowed to be set not to masturbate. It feels like an important part of me is being rejected, but I want to be able to confide in my wife and if that means getting clean so that I'll feel comfortable enough to tell her about all my struggles, then I guess it has to be this way. I wish I could confide in her without being perfect and just accept her judgment, but I'm too proud for that right now, I think, and I'm afraid she's not ready for it either, like she'll start to treat me like I'm a potential abuser out of fear for what I might do some day.

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