Pedophilia

I know becouse I have been abused and if I had kids now, I fear I would abuse them. It's very clear in my mind and heart that I would get the impulse to do it becouse I have been abused. I don't feel atracted to children, but when I think about a situation like that I get strange triggers and they could develop into something else. I am an "authority" on my own experiences. I've given my situation a lot of thought.
Most of the people I talk to about pedophilia on here (which haven't been many) seem to know that they have been through something traumatic and that is why they feel this way. I just try to share what I've learned about the effect that my own traumas have had on me. I know I don't really come out and say it, but it's not so easy to talk about.
The fact that some people belive it's genetic doesn't make it true. You can go your entire life without feeling atracted to kids and end up abusing your own children, becouse you are around them a lot and you get those strange triggers that turn into a desire to abuse. I would never put myself in a position where something like that might happen, but I know becouse I'm talking about me.

It's ok, you haven't offended me.

Probably there is a whole host of reasons people become attracted to children, surely it must be a complicated mess of intricately woven strings of cause and effect. Not to mention how different and unique people are.

So trying to find a concrete, general "cause" for pedophilia, which is what people seem to be trying to do, might be a bad way to go about it.

I guess there could be more than one reason and, yes, it is complex. But if a lot of people who feel this way belive that abuse is the cause and if a lot of people who treat them belive that as well, you can't rule it out. It has to be at least one of the causes. So, you have to make an individual realise if they have been abused, even though there's no way to be absolutely sure that it's the same for everyone.
And if people think it's genetic, they have to prove that. It doesn't mean that pedophiles can help how they feel, genetic or not. They just have to try and controll it or get better, becouse if they would act on these feelings, it would be damaging for them and for the victim.

So trying to find a concrete, general "cause" for pedophilia, which is what people seem to be trying to do, might be a bad way to go about it.

That is so true. People want things to make sense or be logical. There are too many variables and unknowns as to what causes this and most disorders.

There are factors: genetics, environment, and chemical imbalances, but what causes all these things to come together and produce the behavior in some people and not others is yet to be understood. I am not sure we ever will, though.

Anomyn, the fact that people like you and Jasmin realize that you have the propensity for abuse, is a good sign that you MAY not act on your impulses. Most pedophiles do not have the "guilt" factor which keeps the impulses under control.

That is why I think it is so important for you to find therapy to help you to continue to be able to monitor yourself. I know you said you can not afford it, but my hope is that somewhere in the future you will be able to. I think going through life with the nagging thought that you could act on your impulses would be very challenging.

As I have said, I really do wish you well. I learned from a Holocaust survivor that someone who has been through abuse needs to learn to forgive the person (people) responsible because if you hate them you are no better than your abuser.

N.

Anonym,
I think sometimes we can be paralized by analysis. Attraction is somewhat of a universal thing. It is not wrong to admire beauty in others, or to be attracted. But there are certain ways that are better than others.
but If you tell yourself, I am a creep and I am a weirdo then it will only isolate your thoughts even more and you will probably be more likely to feed the problem. We all have unwanted thoughts and images from time to time. Though you sound very mature and like you are not really "sexually" attracted per se (or?)
Like Nymen said, realizing that you have a problem is probably a good sign. But to focus too much on it being a problem with you, you may alienate yourself from others. I'm not sure if I'm making sense.
But did you say earlier that you don't believe this is really wrong?

How do you feel about your current girlfriend?
I suggest you try to break down what exactly you are attracted to in young girls. Be honest with yourself, and try to reshape how you see others. We see glimpses of childhood even in adults. We are all a result of a slow process of growing up and we retain some of those things from childhood (no doubt, they made us who we are today), and some of us are still like kids. We are attracted to a combination of attributes, and if you are attracted to younger girls then there is something about them that attracts you moreso than others (innocence, vulnerability, etc). Maybe you feel more in control as well?
I'm sorry, I am not meaning to offend or anything. I have struggled with a similar problem--though my problem is may be worse (pornopraphy). Though, I don't think I am attracted to younger girls in person (thankfully). But if I don't get rid of my problem, eventually I will be desensitized to real people. It's a slow process, and I have felt a very sick feeling in my stomach--that if I don't stop I will end up like some sociopathic creep (and I assure you I am far from it now).

Anonym713 said

Probably there is a whole host of reasons people become attracted to children, surely it must be a complicated mess of intricately woven strings of cause and effect. Not to mention how different and unique people are.

So trying to find a concrete, general "cause" for pedophilia, which is what people seem to be trying to do, might be a bad way to go about it.

sorry I missed this. I think you're right on here.