Pedophilia

I've thought about what you said. I still can't think of anything that happened to me that would remotely be considered abuse. I don't feel like I'm still a child, except that I probably would be considered a bit of a child, at 18 years old. But I mean, mentally, I don't have prepubescent tendencies. I am in a normal relationship with a girl of my age, and have been with the same girl for almost five years. I never stopped being attracted to her because she grew up, and presently I do find her attractive.

As for my pedophilia, if I had to pinpoint a cause or trigger, I'd probably have to say that it was a certain little girl. She is 12 now, and I've known her since she was born (I don't remember back then too well, I was 6 after all).

She has always been... How should I put it... "fond" of me? For a long time I wasn't interested in her in "that" way, but she seemed to have a crush on me. I thought nothing of it. Her parents would often casually apologize to me for her clingy, preferential, and embarrassing (for me) behavior.

Anyway, long story short, for some reason or another, I began to find her more and more captivating, and I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with her. Before I knew it, I had fallen in love with a child.

Just for the record, I've never done anything harmful or abusive to her. I did see her naked once, but that was in the presence of her mother, entirely her doing, and occurred before I was attracted to her (one of the situations her mother apologized to me for).

If there was to be named a cause for my problem, my first pick would definitely be that charming little girl.

Anomyn,

Hopefully this won't offend you, but your description of your relationship seems to be almost fantasy-like. She appears to love you unconditionally and that can be a powerful attraction. She is also "forbidden" and that sometimes is also a stimulus to fantasize about something that is just beyond reality.

Does that ring true or am I reading more into it than there is.

N.

Anonym, I don't really think that would be all it would take for you to start feeling atracted to kids. I don't want to offend you either, but there has to be more to this.
Have you ever had to take the role of an adult, when you weren't really ready? Did you get too much attention from someone close to you?

nymenche wrote:Anomyn,

Hopefully this won't offend you, but your description of your relationship seems to be almost fantasy-like. She appears to love you unconditionally and that can be a powerful attraction. She is also "forbidden" and that sometimes is also a stimulus to fantasize about something that is just beyond reality.

Does that ring true or am I reading more into it than there is.

N.

No offense taken. True, I highly doubt she loves me unconditionally. In naivety, I might have thought that was true for a while, but she is probably a normal little girl who has an innocent crush. Nothing more. However, in my relationship with her, I do care about her and she genuinely behaves like a friend to me. She even helped me through a rough time when I had a big argument and temporary break up with my girlfriend.

I see what you're saying with the forbidden thing. That might be part of it now, but I don't think it was a cause.

jasmin wrote:Anonym, I don't really think that would be all it would take for you to start feeling atracted to kids. I don't want to offend you either, but there has to be more to this.
Have you ever had to take the role of an adult, when you weren't really ready? Did you get too much attention from someone close to you?

Well, if that girl isn't the root cause, she is at least the thing that invoked these desires in me and made them active.

After your provocation to dig deeper, I thought of something that might be related. Forgive me for the very long story.

In my childhood, my heart was very easily stolen. I can recall three separate situations, that all ended abruptly and prematurely, with me being apart from the girls I adored. Number one, my ex-next door neighbor, a nice, boisterous yet pretty girl, that was the same age as me (some preteen age, I don't remember exactly). This girl was my childhood friend, I spent a lot of time with her. She also shared my first curious, awkward kiss. One day, her father, a police officer, died in a motorcycle accident. She seemed different from that point onwards, although I didn't get to experience the difference in her for long, because she and her mother moved away shortly after the accident. I never saw or spoke to her again.

The second was some girl, I don't know really know who she was, maybe the daughter of a distant friend of my father's. All I remember is being on vacation somewhere near the ocean in a small house, and making friends with this girl who I had a delightful time with. I have fond memories of walking along coastal rock pools in company of that lovely girl, the sea breeze, and the setting sun. I only knew her for a few days, but I still remember her name and face. I must have liked her. The trip ended. I still remember the reminiscent and melancholic car trip home, gazing out the window in silent yearning. I never saw or spoke to her again after that.

I met the third girl while on another vacation at a fancy hotel. I think the duration of my stay was one or two weeks. While I was swimming in the pool, a girl (who I thought was stunning) caught my eye. For a few days, I would dote on her from a distance as I saw her around the place, occasionally exchanging glances with her. Then, my parents forced me to go to the hotel's child care sort of thing. I was very reluctant, because I was in my early teens and felt child care was demeaning for anyone beyond the age of a toddler, but as soon as I caught a glimpse of the girl from before sitting down at a desk, busying herself with some activity, I quickly changed my mind.

I ended up befriending the girl, whom I liked very much. Suddenly, the vacation became a lot more enjoyable. A short while before my holiday would end, she informed me that she was leaving in two days. I enjoyed my final moments with her, and then she left. My vacation, that a few days prior, was a heaven I would have liked to continue on forever, was now a bland drudgery that I wished would end as soon as possible. Needless to say, I never heard from her again.

When I think about it, I am still in love with the images of those lost girls in my memory, and they exhibit the exact traits I now find attractive in young girls. There's your abuse, jasmin, lol. Fate's abuse to my tender, childish heart.

Anonym713 wrote:I've thought about what you said. I still can't think of anything that happened to me that would remotely be considered abuse. I don't feel like I'm still a child, except that I probably would be considered a bit of a child, at 18 years old. But I mean, mentally, I don't have prepubescent tendencies. I am in a normal relationship with a girl of my age, and have been with the same girl for almost five years. I never stopped being attracted to her because she grew up, and presently I do find her attractive.

As for my pedophilia, if I had to pinpoint a cause or trigger, I'd probably have to say that it was a certain little girl. She is 12 now, and I've known her since she was born (I don't remember back then too well, I was 6 after all).

She has always been... How should I put it... "fond" of me? For a long time I wasn't interested in her in "that" way, but she seemed to have a crush on me. I thought nothing of it. Her parents would often casually apologize to me for her clingy, preferential, and embarrassing (for me) behavior.

Anyway, long story short, for some reason or another, I began to find her more and more captivating, and I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with her. Before I knew it, I had fallen in love with a child.

Just for the record, I've never done anything harmful or abusive to her. I did see her naked once, but that was in the presence of her mother, entirely her doing, and occurred before I was attracted to her (one of the situations her mother apologized to me for).

If there was to be named a cause for my problem, my first pick would definitely be that charming little girl.

A,
Have you shared to your present girlfriend, your attraction to little girls? I would like to know how honest you are with her.
I hear you say you make the distinction that she has "grown up", that her body and mind has matured?

I don't understand why her mother would be apologizing to you?
Innocent, charming little girls respond to attention, and they may seem to have a crush, but as a child growing they are testing the waters, seeing how the opposite sex responds, first with their daddys, then others.

Little girls, are innocent children that is capable of liking someone for a reason(candy, extra candy etc.) maybe you give her extra attention, or compliments, and then when she responds you act embarassed, displaying your innocence in the game you are playing.
I heard you say you love to spend time with her?
What do you do to spend time with her? Do you take her on outings or visit her home more now?

Sincerely,
red

Do you really think that you feel atracted to this girl becouse she reminds you of the other little girls you liked when you were a kid?
Your tastes should have matured and the fact that you felt atracted to other kids as a child is no reason to feel atracted to kids now that you are older.

SmallTalkRed wrote:A,
Have you shared to your present girlfriend, your attraction to little girls? I would like to know how honest you are with her.
I hear you say you make the distinction that she has "grown up", that her body and mind has matured?

I don't understand why her mother would be apologizing to you?
Innocent, charming little girls respond to attention, and they may seem to have a crush, but as a child growing they are testing the waters, seeing how the opposite sex responds, first with their daddys, then others.

Little girls, are innocent children that is capable of liking someone for a reason(candy, extra candy etc.) maybe you give her extra attention, or compliments, and then when she responds you act embarassed, displaying your innocence in the game you are playing.
I heard you say you love to spend time with her?
What do you do to spend time with her? Do you take her on outings or visit her home more now?

Sincerely,
red

To be honest, I don't have the guts to tell her outright "I am a pedophile." I've told her about the girl I mentioned, she is aware that I have feelings of love towards her. I think, although she does get jealous sometimes, she sees it as the kind of love a big brother might have for his little sister.

That "grown up" thing was in relation to the notion that I, as being attracted to young girls, would have been attracted to my girlfriend when she was 13-14 but not after she had grown up. I only brought it up for the sake of making it clear. My relationship with my girlfriend has had nothing to do with my Lolita complex.

Her mother was just apologetic about it sometimes. For example, when I saw her naked her mother quickly scolded her: "Don't do that, ______, you're embarrassing ______," then addressing me she said, laughing slightly, to ease some of the awkwardness: "sorry, _____." Other times, she would come into my room when I was busy with something, and after a while her mother would come in, tell her to leave me alone, and apologize for her daughter bothering me.

I'm quite certain she has a crush on me. She admitted to liking me without any coercion or manipulation on my part. I'm assuming you might want to know the details of this. Via text message, she asked me what my "deepest darkest secret" was. I said if she wants to know, she has to tell me hers first. After a playful back and forth (you say it first, no you say it first, no you, and so on), she admitted that she liked me. As much as I would have liked to tell her I liked her too, I thought it might be a bit much for her at her age and decided against it.

I don't give her extra attention as a lure, then feign embarrassment. I'm not that dastardly and sinister... Or clever, for that matter. The embarrassment was when I was younger. Nowadays, I'm pretty comfortable with the things she does.

In spending time together we watch movies, draw, talk, play games, cook, etc., but almost never alone with each other. Usually, my little brothers or her brothers are there as well (and no, I'm not attracted to little boys, in case you were wondering). Also, don't imagine me as the typical sexual predator that gets off from playing with children. I supervise and join in, since I'm often the one asked to babysit all these children when my parents and their parents go out (my parents have been friends of their parents for a long time).

I don't see her very much at all, but I do talk to her almost daily.

jasmin wrote:Do you really think that you feel atracted to this girl becouse she reminds you of the other little girls you liked when you were a kid?
Your tastes should have matured and the fact that you felt atracted to other kids as a child is no reason to feel atracted to kids now that you are older.

If you don't mind me asking, what are your qualifications when it comes to mental illness?

I vehemently do think that to be the cause. Lost loves, frozen in time by my memory, preserved just as they were when I experienced those seemingly instantaneous moments of heavenly companionship that were so abruptly snatched from my grasp.

I am eighteen years old, but if one of those girls were standing before me I would feel the same way about her as I did when I was her age.

Look, I'm sorry if I was being pushy. I don't have qualifications when it comes to mental illness, but I know what it's like to be afraid that I would abuse someone and what would cause the desire. It just doesn't seem like this could be it.
Maybe you should talk to a therapist who is qualified about this.

jasmin wrote:Look, I'm sorry if I was being pushy. I don't have qualifications when it comes to mental illness, but I know what it's like to be afraid that I would abuse someone and what would cause the desire. It just doesn't seem like this could be it.
Maybe you should talk to a therapist who is qualified about this.

I realize you're just trying to help people. However, upon reading a lot of the other threads about pedophilia in this forum, I've noticed you tend to parrot the same thing about childhood abuse at every chance you get. Did you read that in a book or something? On a website?

There is no proof at all of childhood abuse being a direct cause of pedophilia. It is one of many theorized causes. Some people think it might be genetic, which I believe is possible, because my father sometimes (very rarely) behaves in a way that gives me the impression he is attracted to young girls. The very same suggestion I made as to why I think my pedophilia developed is also a theorized cause.

I apologize if I'm offending you, but would you give advice to an engineer or a doctor when you knew nothing of engineering or medicine? If not, why then do you feel it necessary to give advice on mental illness, in a manner that implies your authority on the subject, to the mentally ill?

By the way, if you don't mind me asking, you said you know what it's like to be afraid that you might abuse someone and what would cause the desire... Why is that so?