Problems with a fat fetish

I'm a 21 year old male.

I've always been attracted to fat girls. The main trouble is, it's more than just a preference, I'm completely obsessed with the thought of them getting fatter, outgrowing clothes, getting stuck, breaking chairs usually ending in their humiliation.

I've always struggled to get girls - normal sized girls who've liked me I've always found too slim to arouse me. I managed to get close to one girl who was plump but I'm sure she'd be horrified if she knew that I'd fantasized about her getting fatter, to the extent that I felt really guilty and started 'acting weird round her'. She lost a lot of weight over the course of a year or so and I no longer find myself anywhere near as physically attracted to her.

I've never told any of my friends and family of my obsession (I'm a very shy person and my family has a very prudish attitude to sex). My friends have a very poor opinion of fat girls and I could not possibly live with the ridicule if any of them found out.

Is there any way of losing a fetish, such as hypnosis or some other kind of therapy, or if not, what do you think I should do about my problem, which is severely stunting my lovelife?

If I was able to modify my behaviour and become turned off by fat girls, would I be attracted to normal sized girls like I'd want to? I certainly wouldn't want to become asexual...

i bet that there are fat girls out there who would feel great to read this post.

rubystar wrote:Was a fat woman mean to you when you were a kid? I'm curious as to why your drawn to that particular body type.

No I don't remember a fat woman being mean to me. I remember when I was young (as far back as about 5 years old) I wanted to get fat myself, then when I was old enough to discover girls, I transferred the fat obsession to them.

I think my original post is a bit misleading. When I said about humiliation, it's more to accentuate her gluttony and her size. I certainly don't want revenge or to see a fat girl suffer. And if anything I would rather the fat girl was anything but submissive - one of my favourite fantasies is about a girl who is something of a greedy tyrant. But possibly inspired by childrens stories/cartoons she would get her comeuppance in the end.

"i bet that there are fat girls out there who would feel great to read this post."

For some reason i doubt it.

I like big girl's myself. It's no fetish though, i just dont discriminate. But i dont think it would tickle plus sized women that some men have a fetish for there girth. It's placing worth on a spicific and trivial aspect. So i assume they'd feel more like an object for gratification.

People are people in all shapes, sizes and colours. To find an aspect about them thats a turn on is gravy but to fixate and obsess is a bit to much IMO.

Jamie' wrote:To find an aspect about them thats a turn on is gravy but to fixate and obsess is a bit to much IMO.

Of course, which is why he posted here in the first place, noting his love life being destroyed. I don't think this is helpful, and probably only made him feel worse.

As for cures of paraphilias, I have read covert conditioning and aversion therapy is used. In my opinion, both of these probably won't work and are mostly useless. I don't think you are going to treat a deep psychological attraction with attempts to change the symptoms. Orgasmic reconditioning can be used too. I've tried this myself but haven't really noticed a difference.

Basically, 'treatment' of paraphilias boils down to managing it, not eliminating it. So you may try a medication which reduces sexual arousal. You'll lose your sex drive, but it may be worth it if your sex drive is destroying your love life. Also, OCD medication, like SSRIs, may be helpful, because sexual paraphilias usually have an obsessive nature.

"Of course, which is why he posted here in the first place, noting his love life being destroyed. I don't think this is helpful, and probably only made him feel worse."

Had you botherd to take note you'd realize that the post was not directed at the intial poster but rather to a following poster and his comment. Unrelated to the IP all together.

"As for cures of paraphilias, I have read covert conditioning and aversion therapy is used. In my opinion, both of these probably won't work and are mostly useless. I don't think you are going to treat a deep psychological attraction with attempts to change the symptoms. "

I pretty much agree with you here. The mind often sweetens the alure of ones temptations when one is focused on the denial of such urges. I think it remains one of the trickyer things to wage a direct battle with. My suggestion is to try widen the envelope of ones desire so as to become more encompasing, less exculsive in ones tatses. then nurture the overlap wherein one tastes are healthy and benificial, dont fight desire, but rather starve the negative aspects. For instance rather then trying to 'quit' smoking, instead focus on the increased ease in breathing. Try to use desire as a tool for change.

As childern and adolesents we spend much of our lives exploring what we like and what we want out of life, too often as adults we simply aim to procure the thing we taught ourselves to crave. By trying to reinvigorate ones capacity to learn new tastes it allows us to adapt and find nurishment in change, where at best only sustinance was avail before.

First of all I'll say you're definitely not alone. There's a whole subculture, particularly online, of people who are into the weight gain fetish. I can relate to this to some extent. I'm also 21 and have been attracted to bigger girls for as long as I can remember. I can even remember all the way back to about 3rd grade, crushing on the chubbier girl in the class. For a long time, up until I was about 20, I kept my preference as a secret. I never dated in school because I was only attracted to the bigger girls, and I was ashamed of it. I always knew that if I dated one of them, people would find out what I was into, and that scared me.

But after awhile I just realized, it's not that big of a deal. It's just another preference, like being into blonde or dark-skinned girls. And I'm not ashamed to admit it to anybody anymore. And about eight months ago I got into my first relationship with a bigger girl, and was proud for every second of it, and was sure to let her know all the time that she was sexy as hell. Really what it comes down to is, there's a whole lot worse things you could be into. And the attraction to bigger girls is vastly more common than you might think (seriously).

So as far as that goes, I would say just embrace it. And never let a girl slim down to try to appeal to you, be sure to let her know you love her how she is, and that you're attracted to her how she is. Otherwise you both lose. As far as the weight gaining goes, I don't know much about that. But one thing we can both probably agree on though is that it's wrong for a man to tell a bigger woman that she needs to lose weight to be attractive. Likewise it's wrong to tell a women she needs to gain weight to be attractive.

My guess is you have a certain weight range that is your natural preference for women and you just haven't locked on to it yet. For example, when I was about 12 or so, it was just the slightly overweight (or "chubby") girls I was attracted to. By the time I was 18, I was over that already and found myself attracted to significantly more overweight. Now at 21 I've locked it down that I'm attracted to women in the 200-280 range. So maybe it's not so much a weight gain fetish as it is just a natural progression of finding what your specific attraction is.

Just thoughts, that's all. Good luck man.

martinak27 wrote:My friends have a very poor opinion of fat girls and I could not possibly live with the ridicule if any of them found out.

Missed this part. I'm not sure if you mean joking ridicule or abusive ridicule. If the former, it just depends how sensitive you are to it, but if it's the latter that you're afraid of, then maybe they aren't friends. One thing I've learned is that one of the things that will gain you the most respect from anybody, friend or not, is being honest and true to yourself. If you were straight up about being attracted to bigger girls, a real friend, or any rational adult, might at most be confused by it, but they're going to respect the fact that you can be proud of it and be real with them. And the same goes with family.

monographic1 wrote:

martinak27 wrote:My friends have a very poor opinion of fat girls and I could not possibly live with the ridicule if any of them found out.

Missed this part. I'm not sure if you mean joking ridicule or abusive ridicule. If the former, it just depends how sensitive you are to it, but if it's the latter that you're afraid of, then maybe they aren't friends. One thing I've learned is that one of the things that will gain you the most respect from anybody, friend or not, is being honest and true to yourself. If you were straight up about being attracted to bigger girls, a real friend, or any rational adult, might at most be confused by it, but they're going to respect the fact that you can be proud of it and be real with them. And the same goes with family.

Well to be honest, when I posted the original problem a week or so ago, I think I was just getting frustrated and perhaps a little melodramatic. I was seeing most of my friends around me out on dates, preparing for valentines.

They are my real friends. They say insensitive things about fat girls, but I think they will accept the fact I like them when it becomes clear. They just won't really understand and I'll have the piss taken out of me, but it won't be true abusive ridicule.

The fact is I'm very very sensitive. Even if I had an attraction to skinny super-model types I think I'd have trouble admitting it.

It isn't ideal, but thanks for everyones advice. I can certainly curb the feeder-ish desires. I just hope I can find the right girl for me, I just feel I'm hanging around waiting forever while everyone else is finding it relatively easy.