virginity-induced hebephilia?

I'm a 19 year-old male and have always been unsuccessful with girls. This is for a number of reasons, but let's just say my prepubescent years were marked by a combination of dorky looks compensated by a hilarious outgoing personality. My more recent years have been marked by relatively attractive looks with a rather timid personality. If I had to guess a simple explanation to a big and complicated issue, I'd say that most of my unsuccess can be attributed to (undiagnosed) social anxiety personality disorder.

Anyway, now I'm 19 and a virgin with very limited sexual experiences. My theory is that I'm a hebephile because of the sadness brought from never getting to have sex with another teenager. I'm fit but still one of those naturally small, skinny types of guys, and I'm just gonna say it...I'm not super "well-endowed". Like most guys, I have no desire to have a sexual encounter with a girl who's bigger/taller than I am.

I think that's what draws me to be especially attracted to girls as young as 12, 13, and 14. They're younger, smaller and imaginably more easily impressed (ergo, imaginably better sexual partners). Understanding that I'm about done growing, I'm faced with the reality that the older I grow, this desire for young girls will remain the same. I think most guys go through their teenage years and kind of "get it out of their system," whereas I'll be eternally stuck in the past. There's an implied "hit it while you can" attitude that goes without an issue for most guys, but I can tell it'll be an issue for me.

I must add that I would never act on any of these desires.

Any advice or comments welcome. I've done little research on the causes of pedophilia/hebephilia, and have no idea if the causes I've mentioned are exclusive to me. Or perhaps I'm misdiagnosing myself entirely.

Hi tie,

you are certainly not the first one with that line of thoughts. I had the same one. However, i was wrong.

Unconsciously, i sabotaged or ended all dating trials prematurely. There is research showing that most people look for a relationship of the same type they had with their mothers (or trying to act like their mothers). There are some malignant narcissistic mothers out there and their sons have difficulties. Cognitive distortions manifest themselves so that the affected can live in circumstances that otherwise would cause stress. Those sons might even love their mothers but reject any relationship out of fear of getting into a similar relationship. Hence, they end up with "explaining away" why they would not get into a relationship with a girl. There is insecurity involved, but it could be for different reasons. The cognitive distortion makes it difficult to recognize the true nature of the situation one lives in.

Girls of 12, 13 or 14 years will never dominate one like the mother did. Girls of that age are "malleable", which are expected to adapt to oneself. Hence one would not be required to adapt to them. Moreover, such girls will depend on one and not the other way around.

There is a big question: should you visit a psychologist to find out if you still have "mother issues" or not? That is not meant as an insult, but as a hypothetical question. If you had been very close to your mother, i definitely would question myself. However, one needs to talk to an outsider in order to find out.

I wish you good luck!

This is pretty similar to the protagonist in Lolita. Do all men need to get it out of their systems to avoid a need for younger girls?

Perhaps, like Humbert, you are scared by the girls from your formative years you got away, leaving you alone and feeling unloved making you reincarnate them in others.

Speaking as a 22 year old virgin and inclusive pedohebephile (the former has caused me immeasurable more anguish than the latter) one does wonder if that was a factor. I've always like adults but I sort of acquired a taste for much younger girls when I was about 16 in my last year of secondary school. I like buxom figures and I always prefer noticeable breasts on a little girl but something about their small figures and how fun sized they are makes them very pleasant.

I suppose the adult word does kind of intimidate me, adult women kind of intimidate me and I feel that I didn't get the experience of socialising with other children that I should have had. And at the same time I feel locked out of childhood so maybe that has something to do with it. The whole premise of an adult-child relationship is appealing to me. I like some sort of pederasty like the Greeks had (except with a girl).

I'd like a rather sombre, adultish girl but where there could still be a sort of mentor-eromenos type relationship.

samuel77 wrote:Hi tie,

you are certainly not the first one with that line of thoughts. I had the same one. However, i was wrong.

Unconsciously, i sabotaged or ended all dating trials prematurely. There is research showing that most people look for a relationship of the same type they had with their mothers (or trying to act like their mothers). There are some malignant narcissistic mothers out there and their sons have difficulties. Cognitive distortions manifest themselves so that the affected can live in circumstances that otherwise would cause stress. Those sons might even love their mothers but reject any relationship out of fear of getting into a similar relationship. Hence, they end up with "explaining away" why they would not get into a relationship with a girl. There is insecurity involved, but it could be for different reasons. The cognitive distortion makes it difficult to recognize the true nature of the situation one lives in.

Girls of 12, 13 or 14 years will never dominate one like the mother did. Girls of that age are "malleable", which are expected to adapt to oneself. Hence one would not be required to adapt to them. Moreover, such girls will depend on one and not the other way around.

There is a big question: should you visit a psychologist to find out if you still have "mother issues" or not? That is not meant as an insult, but as a hypothetical question. If you had been very close to your mother, i definitely would question myself. However, one needs to talk to an outsider in order to find out.

I wish you good luck!

This all sounds super Freudian to me, which is why I'm a little skeptical. But are these mother conclusions widely held?

It's perfectly normal (biologically and statistically) to be attracted to girls that age.

I'm a 22 year old man who has no sexual/romantic experiences to speak of. I think a very large part of my sexual/emotional attraction to young girls is due to my subconscious belief that women my age are "out of my league." If I had started having sexual/romantic experiences in my mid-late teens (the ages when most "normal" people have them) I think my pedophilia would have remained dormant forever.

Kali Yuga wrote:I'm a 22 year old man who has no sexual/romantic experiences to speak of. I think a very large part of my sexual/emotional attraction to young girls is due to my subconscious belief that women my age are "out of my league." If I had started having sexual/romantic experiences in my mid-late teens (the ages when most "normal" people have them) I think my pedophilia would have remained dormant forever.

That is right in my alley. I think a different sexual orientation is not a changed orientation which has been turned into a new direction, but that the normal heterosexual one did not manifest itself. So i agree with your reasoning and that would also be my explanation. I make dwindling human instincts responsible for that - and wrote a blog piece on that.

"Out of my league" is not true. They are in your league, but you hesitate. There certainly is something that makes you uneasy around them. In my case it was "mother issues", imprinted by my narcissistic mother. I had to be company for her and to do what she wanted. When i tried to get us to do what i wanted, it was most often sabotaged, so i never got joy out of it. That leads to a position, that one's own wishes are not important, only the wishes of others. My guess is that you are very friendly, helpful and would sacrifice yourself for the right women. If only a woman would understand what a treasure you are, everything would be different.

I used to think that my pedophilic attractions were related to what the OP describes. I felt I'd missed my chance earlier in life and it was now too late.

I've since done some introspection and I think now that the opposite is what happened. I've always been less attracted to adults and developed girls, so I never made as much effort with them once I was in the culturally accepted "appropriate age to start dating", since all the girls in that age range weren't particularly attractive to me. This left me lacking romatic/sexual experience, which I then retroactively blamed for my preference for prepubescent partners.

Culture is a powerful force. I'm still bothered by cultural expectations placed on me, and my status as a virgin is something that bothers me a great deal as a male due to those cultural expectations. It bothers me more when exposed to cultural media and memes that emphasise how empty and meaningless life must be without a partner and how abnormal and pathetic adult male virgins are. I avoid romantic comedies and drift into an angry and confrontational mood around valentines day.

The prevailing cultural myth is that pedophiles are just people who "can't" attract adults and are thus "settling" for children who are supposedly "safer and easier" (a laughable concept once you start to actually think about it). It was far too long before I questioned those cultural myths sufficiently to break out of the cycle of self-hatrid to the extent that I have, and I'm still digging out ingrained issues.