Tattoo Fetish. Should I?

My first paraphilia, Apotemnophilia (wanting my limbs amputated), began when I was 4 years old but (fortunately) died out when my obsession with tattooing began. Now I'm 29, have severe social anxiety, body dysmorphia, and was recently prescribed lamictal for bipolar disorder. So, just an overall emotional wreck. The tattoo fetish has been going strong since 13. I have hundreds of small, self-done tattoos, many on my face (i count 80 dots/lines) that I have to routinely mask with heavy cover up. None of them professionally done. I'm writing because I don't know what to do. I've only had sex probably 15 times, with a total of 3 women. I love being in relationships but can't keep a partner because I'm not aroused by THEM, only tattooing myself, which makes an active sex life impossible. Until last year, I saw no problem with my fetish, but now am seeing what destruction it has caused and will cause in my lonely lonely future. I'm despairing, but I can see no hope. All I can think of is being covered in tattoos. What's stopping me from going ahead with this fantasy is the fact that I'm so sensitive to what other's think (stigma attached to tattoos), and in reality, I don't even think I like tattoos that much. So, should I continue to fight these unremitting urges I've been plagued with for over 15 years now? Or should I just go for it and get two full sleeves and masturbate my life away, alone and forgotten? My therapist thinks I shouldn't tattoo, but 98 percent of me thinks I should. A quandary that sometimes leads me to thoughts of ending it all.

I'm a bit confused. Your not sexually attracted to women?. Or are you sexually aroused by being tattoo'd?. Or neither.

I was a tattoo artist myself. Started off with the safty pin and indian ink when i was 13 before moving up to a micky mouse makeshift before i dropped about 2k on a professional set up. None of mine are "professional" either in the fact i've never paid for a tattoo or got one in a shop. I've also got that sensitivity about what people may think about my tats although none are on my face (though my forarm is rocking a jesus and leatherface combination which oddly enough people take exception to). Oh and social anxiety. And occasional body dysmorphia problems. But not the disorder.

You like relationships but your not sexually attracted to these women. Is that whats preventing you from being in relationships?. And how is the tattooing related to that.

Okay, let's see. I like girls. Am attracted to them (tattooed girls in particular). But they provide nowhere near the psychological sexual stimulation that being tattooed does for me. I love relationships. Love to be close to someone, live together, etc. but most girls want to have sex regularly. I don't blame them. I wish I could too because the physical stimulation is great, but mentally I'm incapable of being aroused from just sex. I don't know if that's because of the BDD and hating my body, or from the social anxiety causing extreme performance anxiety.

I have never masturbated once in my life to the thought of having sex with a woman though. Only to tattoos, amputation, or piercing. I constantly fantasize about being tattooed. I want to be covered from head to toe. And the more I fight it, the more I tattoo myself with crude and humiliating designs I might add. It's sort of in a sado-masochistic realm I believe. The helplessness. Not being able to get rid of it. The permanence. It's so much of a rush when I tattoo myself that I probably come close to having heart attack when I do, and that's not an exaggeration. I usually almost faint and once ended up in the emergency room with atrial fibrillation.

I really don't know what to do. I just saw a beautiful rocker girl on a bicycle drive by next to my car on the way home from work and it made me feel terrible. I could and would love to have a girlfriend like that but know that I wouldn't be sexually adequate enough for her. I analyze it over and over but still never fully understand it. It's obvious that I have a genetic predisposition for paraphilias (4 years old when started). Maybe the fetish is being kept strong from my lack of confidence. Like some sort of protection mechanism, keeping me from being rejected but perpetuating my loneliness at the same time. If this was true however, wouldn't treating my fear of rejection/anxiety cure my fetish? No. Not according to the studies. I'm gonna have this for life is the consensus. So what to do? Take Cialis and obviate the need for the mental arousal necessary to maintain an erection to have sex. That's the only solution i can think of Jeebuz.

"(tattooed girls in particular)."

Agreed. Cant beat a chick with a sleeve.

"But they provide nowhere near the psychological stimulation that being tattooed does for me."

I actully find this facinating. I'm aware of extreme tattoo addiction. Like puzzel man, who tattoo'd his intier body in puzzel pieces. Solid blue. Or this guy from australia (cant remember the name) he is tattoo solid black. I understand tattoo's have an addictive quality but psychological stimulation?. Wouldnt a good conversation be stimulating enough. I'm not trying to come off as insulting. But could it be the girls you've been with were not exactly the sharpest of tack's.

"I wish I could too because the physical stimulation is great, but mentally I'm incapable of being aroused from just sex. I don't know if that's because of the BDD and hating my body, or from the social anxiety causing extreme performance anxiety."

The latter could all be true. Or it could be a combination of things including the anxiety and disorder. So you have no lack of sexual attraction to women but you required psychological stimulation. I'm the same and i'd hope most are aswell. But by "just sex" do you mean your a fetishest. Meaning regular sex is a bore and you need something more extreme (minus you doing something to yourself) to be aroused?. Is there anything in a girl or that she could do that could make you sexually aroused. Anything that dosent involve you. But that would make you want to have sex with her?.

"And the more I fight it, the more I tattoo myself with crude and humiliating designs I might add."

Such as?.

There are people you can go see who can remove tattoo's. An option. Another which you should really act on is seeing a sex therapist. Or there might be some kind of extreme fetish therapist. You getting a rush is good but you almost having a hart attack is real bad, especially for some ink. And of course you should see a psychiatrist to deal with your social anxiety ans self image problems. You have a unique problem my friend but i think just accepting it as your reality is a bad idea. I'd think there is help and solutions.

Hey Jeebuz. I was going to edit my post to make that a little clearer. The psychological stimulation I was speaking of is purely sexual in nature. I'm not talking about their level of intelligence and how engaging they are coversationally. I'm talking: me looking at them and being aroused sexually-in my mind. Two different things involved in sex. The physical stimulation, such as intercourse, and then the psychological, being mentally turned on by them. Physically, I can be aroused (have an erection) from kissing, holding, etc, but only for a short period of time. It takes the mental arousal to maintain it. And for me, I have to concentrate solely on tattooing while having sex if i'm going to maintain an erection for more than 30 seconds. It's like a 90/10 split. 90 percent of me is turned on by having and looking at my tattoos. 10 percent is for the girls. Now what would anybody's mind do in this situation? Take the easier route is what. It's common sense for me to stick with what's easiest. That's how people operate. But don't get me wrong. I have tried many times to retrain myself and force myself to masturbate thinking about sex with women, but have NEVER once had any success with that. In the end, my mind always needs to turn to tattooing to take it over the edge, if you know what i mean.

It's not that regular sex is a bore. I haven't had enough of it to be bored with it. It's just that I have never developed the attraction to it. What I get turned on by is tattooing. Plain and simple. Yes, I am a very extreme fetishist. And as far as tattoo removal goes, been there, done that. Then tattooed even bigger marks over the areas I had removed, which incidentally created an even larger rush, since i had ruined all of the effort put in to getting them erased. So a no win situation here still. Yes, I agree with you. It would be a bad reality to live like this forever. That would be horrible. But these feelings have never abated. Only grown stronger. So I feel like I am losing the battle.

I have never seen a sex therapist however, and just recently saw a therapist for the first time ever! Maybe with some hard work, which I don't have an aversion to, and some time, i can gain some range, and balance the great disparity I have between my attraction to tattoos and my attraction to women.

if i were you i would try to find a girl, who is a tattoo artist.
im a tattoo artist myself, got my own shop even, but i would probably be weirded out if i felt you were erotisizing the experiance, however i have seen many people erotisizing their body peircings. Mabey you can meet some tattooist girls while shopping for your sleeves, just be tastefull,

Hey Stigmatophile,

and in reality, I don't even think I like tattoos that much

If you're still following this thread... would you like to share what made you say that please?

What made me say that is that I'm not sure if tattoos are true for me. The whole situation has me bewildered. When I see a man with tattoos I think: "That doesn't look that great, nor is it socially acceptable. Looks unnatural, adulderated. I don't think I like it."

Yes, these thoughts are running through the head of a guy who has his face, neck, and hands tattooed. But then again, I have severe social anxiety and the primary concerns of a sufferer is to be liked by others, not disappoint them, fit in, etc. So it is quite possible that my feelings about guys with tattoos is just dictated by societietal norms, and me not wanting to stray from those norms.

When I see a heavily tattooed girl however, all of these thoughts go out the window. I love the look, and the more tattoos they have the better. I guess it's called stigmatophilia for a reason. The stigma (being looked down upon, shunned) is part of the attraction. But is it really? I'm a very kind, gentle, and empathetic person. My first girlfriend was covered in tattoos and caught a lot of flack for it. I hated and felt awful when people would deride her in public because of the tattoos.

I really just don't know what to think anymore. This is such a terribly lonely place to be. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be anywhere.

Hello Stigmatophile, I am very glad you posted on the forums. I happen to have a paraphilia which is similar to yours in many ways.

I don't know if you are still following this thread, but I would be happy to talk about it.

Absolutely Guy. I would love to talk about it with someone else. I've never met/spoken/or found anyone with this. Right now i'm contemplating going to the art store to get some aqua colored ink to tattoo my neck some more. How do we get in touch? I'm new to these bulletin board setups. I guess the personal message button?