Do you need help with illegal pornography?

If you are viewing illegal materials and would like to stop, or if you struggle not to do so then there is a self help website you might try:

http://www.croga.org/introduction/introduction

Apparently they are updating the website on Monday, fresh lick of paint and easier access to information - or at least that's what StopItNow told me over the phone.

More importantly if you're in the UK - call StopItNow - now! Don't wait to be arrested like I did before finding out that help is out there.

Also, they recommend 2 books. The one I found most helpful, I good read, was 'The Porn Trap' by WendyMeltz. It's available on Amazon, and is on Kindle - so an easy anonymous purchase (well the Amazon droid knows who you are, obviously).

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(1 week and 4 days since last relapse.)

They need to update their information is the trouble. It is broadly agreed that there is no such thing either as porn or sex addiction by academics in the field.

It is also increasingly agreed that paedophilia, hebaphilia and ephebophilia are sexualities which a person cannot help having. Lucy Faithful as far as I am aware are still largely under the impression one chooses ones attractions.

You will not help a person manage their desires until you accept their authenticity and validity. That is the first step. The next step is to find ways to allow people with illegal desires to be in the world without causing harm to others or being harmed by society for something which they cannot and did not choose.

Slightly off topic, but...

cumulusjames wrote:It is broadly agreed that there is no such thing either as porn or sex addiction by academics in the field.

That's interesting. The two books they recommended my both framed the problem in terms of compulsions and addictions. Certainly in my case I think compulsion makes more sense than sexuality.

It is also increasingly agreed that paedophilia, hebaphilia and ephebophilia are sexualities which a person cannot help having.

I have to admit, I have a problem with that - despite the nature of what I downloaded. I've called myself names like paedophile and hebaphile in the past but I find it tough to frame the words in the context of a sexuality.

Sexuality, to me, is hetro-, homo-, bi-, or a-sexuality. I can understand a preferred age range in those contexts. Only a few centuries ago 13 was considered a marriageable age. 60 year old men and 18 year old girls are far from unheard of or completely frowned upon.

To my, possibly erroneous way of thinking, post pubescent you have society norms and laws, and pre-pubescent you have mental disorders that need diagnosing and treating.

Although my offending and interests have been mostly post pubescent, I see my issues has being mental not sexual, and I need mental help from professionals to correct my thinking...

You will not help a person manage their desires until you accept their authenticity and validity.

I agree with that totally, but first we need to understand the basis of those desires. It doesn't help that no two individuals or cases the same in every detail. It may be what I view as a mental illness, is a legitimate sexuality in another.

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(1 week and 6 days since last relapse)

I also don't like the word addiction either but it is possibly the best way to describe it, the feeling of "euphoria" when I was using those things, it is likened to a drug addict or alcohol addict.

But yes compulsion would be a better word, it becomes a compulsive behavior that gets harder to stop.

You constantly justify to yourself that it is OK to view theses things without even realizing it, even when you know it isn't right.

Once you know what your triggers are you can manage them in the future.

InTheUK wrote: Only a few centuries ago 13 was considered a marriageable age. 60 year old men and 18 year old girls are far from unheard of or completely frowned upon.

The age of consent might have been lower, and although marriage at 13 would have been possible, it was not considered 'normal'. You are just quoting the usual pro-pedo spiel. Show some actual evidence for the numbers marrying at this age - in relatively advanced and civilised countries that is. It seems I have to quote this again, and those marrying young didn't suddenly increase in later centuries:

From the book by Peter Laslett, The World We Have Lost - Further Explored, he cites 1007 parish records in England between the years 1619 and 1660 concerning marriage licences. Of the 1007, the ages given, and numbers, were as follows - age 13 (1), 14 (0), 15 (4), 16 (12), 17 and over (990). This was apparently reflected elsewhere too, so it can be seen that marrying young was not that common (less than 2% being 16 or younger), even if the age of consent was lower then. The average age for marriage was still in the early 20's.

I have seen mention that perhaps there were just many more marriages that were not registered, but this could equally mean that the spread of such marriages was similar to those registered, and so the numbers would remain.

cop this wrote:

InTheUK wrote: Only a few centuries ago 13 was considered a marriageable age. 60 year old men and 18 year old girls are far from unheard of or completely frowned upon.

The age of consent might have been lower, and although marriage at 13 would have been possible, it was not considered 'normal'. You are just quoting the usual pro-pedo spiel. Show some actual evidence for the numbers marrying at this age - in relatively advanced and civilised countries that is. It seems I have to quote this again, and those marrying young didn't suddenly increase in later centuries:

I think you are misquoting me and the last thing I want is to offer up 'pro-pedo spiel'. I never suggested anything was considered 'normal', just that, rightly or wrongly, attitudes have changed.

More the point I wanted to make is using sexuality as an excuse for behaviour is the wrong starting point if you're serious about finding help.

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(1 week and 6 days since last relapse)

InTheUK wrote:

cop this wrote:

InTheUK wrote: Only a few centuries ago 13 was considered a marriageable age. 60 year old men and 18 year old girls are far from unheard of or completely frowned upon.

The age of consent might have been lower, and although marriage at 13 would have been possible, it was not considered 'normal'. You are just quoting the usual pro-pedo spiel. Show some actual evidence for the numbers marrying at this age - in relatively advanced and civilised countries that is. It seems I have to quote this again, and those marrying young didn't suddenly increase in later centuries:

I think you are misquoting me and the last thing I want is to offer up 'pro-pedo spiel'. I never suggested anything was considered 'normal', just that, rightly or wrongly, attitudes have changed.

More the point I wanted to make is using sexuality as an excuse for behaviour is the wrong starting point if you're serious about finding help.

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(1 week and 6 days since last relapse)

"Only a few centuries ago 13 was considered a marriageable age."

Perhaps I've got you wrong, but this sort of comment does not help the cause of truth. It implies that it would be common for such marriages to take place, which I think my figures show was not the case. The age of consent often does not and did not reflect what happened with regard to marriages. I feel obliged to point this out when such statements are made - or they might become more commonly accepted - which would be a disservice to the truth, would you not agree?

My solution for not viewing CP was going to prison, that made me easily not want to view it anymore, yeah sure the itch is there once in awhile but going back to prison is not something that I really want to do again.