The invisible potential predator

Hi..
My first post as a new member..

I found the forum and read a few posts, and got an idea of what it its all about. And its good. Good to have conversations with likeminded people.

Im a 30ich yo man living in Europe, and like som many other invisible pedophiles, i live a relative normal life. I Have a family, work, go to parties, vacations and so on..

But thats not who i am...I am a wery sexual person. I am predator.
When i was young, it was enough to look at a girl-model at a magasine, or some randome girl at the beach. Then go home and get released.
As i grew up i needed more, pictures, movies, that was relative easy to find online at that time.

I have had a few girlfriend my age ( + - 10 years ) And it all goes fine for a periode of time, until i cant get an erection. I need to pretend she is young to make it work sexually, and that is impossible in the long run. So i desided to live without a girlfriend or wife.

But as all bad things, they evolve. I regulary goes to profesional working girls that do rolleplay like dad and daughter fantasies, to ease the urges. And use harder online - materials for each year.

I believe, that i am a good person. I need to be, so i dont hurt anyone. But what if i cant?
What if i grow weaker in time when the responsebileties are no longer there.

What experience and/or advise can you guys share..

DayZero wrote:And use harder online - materials for each year.

I believe, that i am a good person. I need to be, so i dont hurt anyone.

I don't mean to be unsupportive, and it's great that you've avoided any first-person contact. But if it were me getting molested or raped on camera, and I knew the images were being distributed without my consent, and that strangers were masturbating to them, it would hurt me. I'm sorry, I know that's not a popular position on this forum, but it would.

I hope I do not sound obvious here, but the first suggestion would be to receive therapy. I would hope the possibility of going to prison would be a deterrent for you.

Learning about empathy would be a very good thing to do here. Imagine what it would feel like for another person if you harmed them.

You could try this website to help you stop viewing illegal images:

http://www.croga.org/introduction/introduction

Callalily wrote: I'm sorry, I know that's not a popular position on this forum

I dont mind you disagreeing with what i do
I think your arguments are important inputs.

But still, the materials is what keeps me from doing harm. As i said, i am a wery sexual person.
Over the years i deleted it all so many times, when i was in controll(after use). But had to find it again at a later stage to gain controll. Self controll works for a period of time, but it also makes you weak. And a target for impulse-actions. I think sexuality is a strong drive, and can not be shut down.

To reply directly to your input. I can not afford to show empaty to the induviduals on tape, an how they may feel about it beeing watched by others. Its a tool for beeing in controll of my sexuality. So i dont hurt anyone.

cumulusjames wrote:I hope I do not sound obvious here, but the first suggestion would be to receive therapy. I would hope the possibility of going to prison would be a deterrent for you.

Learning about empathy would be a very good thing to do here. Imagine what it would feel like for another person if you harmed them.

Hi, and thanks for your input

Therapy sounds like a good idea, but i would not know where to look for it. As i would feel wery exposed, i would have to make sure the therapist deals with this isue alot. Trust and so on.

Prison is not something i want. But i think that if you cross the limits of real life actions, you know and accept the risk. Everything is a prossess, and the further you walk, the closer the reach.

Empaty is not something i need to learn. I have always had to mouch empaty. I know it contredict the wery nature of what i am, but it has been a prossess. Its a constant fighting of empaty and sexuality. But over the years empaty has grown softer. You could say that empaty is what have made me not hurt anyone in real life.

Materials. I dont believe that is the problem. I think that, is what makes me keep my urges balanced.
So therfor i think there would be unwise to stop it.

Why do you assume that you would hurt anybody if you ever made your fantasises come true ?

Callalily wrote:

DayZero wrote:And use harder online - materials for each year.

I believe, that i am a good person. I need to be, so i dont hurt anyone.

I don't mean to be unsupportive, and it's great that you've avoided any first-person contact. But if it were me getting molested or raped on camera, and I knew the images were being distributed without my consent, and that strangers were masturbating to them, it would hurt me. I'm sorry, I know that's not a popular position on this forum, but it would.

Actually, I believe that position is quite popular both on this forum and in broader society generally.

I personally don't believe that the sympathetic magic involved with you being harmed by someone across the globe you've never heard exists looking at a picture of you, but I am in the distinct minority in my skepticism.

YouthRightsRadical wrote:Actually, I believe that position is quite popular both on this forum and in broader society generally.

I personally don't believe that the sympathetic magic involved with you being harmed by someone across the globe you've never heard exists looking at a picture of you, but I am in the distinct minority in my skepticism.

No, you apparently believe the internet is magically restricted so that a person depicted in such images will never be recognised in real life by any others in their local environment. I think the very real harm comes from this perhaps more than from the knowledge that someone is masturbating to such images anywhere in the world - which might also be psychologically damaging though. You might disagree, but there is good evidence that victims are more vulnerable and further victimised when known to others.

Boulangerie wrote:Why do you assume that you would hurt anybody if you ever made your fantasises come true ?

Hey

I asume... It would depend on the situation. In the deep corner of my mind, it has gone down in the sweetest way. Sometimes accompenyed by a likeminded woman, as i can have a grown relationship.

But.. Its not always so sweet... And that is the scenario i fear the most.. As if i would be.. unforgiven. Maby by God, or the universe... I dont know...

Why i asume? Because i am as evil as i am good. God does not always Win

YouthRightsRadical wrote:I personally don't believe that the sympathetic magic involved with you being harmed by someone across the globe you've never heard exists looking at a picture of you, but I am in the distinct minority in my skepticism.

I mean, if your father or a strange man had penetrated you when you were a boy, and filmed it, and you felt hurt or exploited by that experience, wouldn't it hurt more knowing that he'd circulated the footage without your consent? That strangers were trading these pictures of you and commenting on how hot you were and how well you took it and how much you clearly liked it? I don't know, it would hurt me, but then I'm pretty sensitive.