It's hard being a pedo freak

Every little girl I see brings up such unwanted feelings. The pedophiles will know what I mean when I say I just wish we lived in a world where i could express myself sexually and intimately with a young lady without hurting her of being punished. It is a day to day struggle that fills me to the brim with anxiety and self hatred despite taking medication that nullifies my ability to fantasize and self pleasure. Still having these feelings even after being unable to achieve arousal is difficult because I cant blame POCD or any other disorder for the way I feel. Unfortunately I am sexually attracted to children in the worst ways and I have to live with this. Does anyone else feel overwhelming horror at this thought? Any advice on dealing would be appreciated thanks.

I sympathize. I used to be afraid of my own sexual desires too. I believed the lies that are constantly spread about us that claim that just because we are attracted to someone, that means we'll inevidably rape them. The people spreading those lies have a lot of pain and suffering to answer for.

We just need to patiently wait for the sex robots.

(excusing the broken english...)
Don't wanna sound pessimistic here, but how could that work?
Drawn pornography is widely banned (toddlercon, lolicon, shotacon, etc), days ago I read about complaints against a doll factory because they were selling too realistic erotic dolls, and so on. Damn it, who knows if will I get in trouble for writing a text story like this some day? It feels like I shouldn't even release the slightest little thing in order to keep safe from law and being spanked by this bunch of s-h-i-t people, can't ever be happy myself, and if that's not enough, yet I have to see and understand any teleiophiles holding hands on street or something, teleiophiles aiming to be happy and/or reaching their goals, while all I deserve is pain and torture without compassion. I'm tired of being on this planet trying to understand the rest while nobody gives a $#%^ nor allows me to give a $#%^ about myself, because they or their stuff happen to be so more important and "valid" than me or mine. What a manipulation game here, do I have some kind of bad mark on my body that I couldn't see or something?
If I had nothing to lose, I'd like to take a weapon and torture any teleiophiles I see in front of me. I suposse it would be kind of equal justice, because after all, aren't they who think silly stuff like "Pedophiles deserve an axe on the head"? And yet they have the nerve to title theirselves as "good persons".

I can't wait to finish the University, just to get to be boss of others, and abuse real hard of those under my charge. I'm going to make everybody to struggle trying to live to work. I'm going to kill all their aspirations. Oh Yeah. Take that, bitches. I can assure it's gonna feel much better than giving my love to a little girl.

<_<

I can't take it anymore either. I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of getting anxiety whenever I am around lots of kids or kids beg me to come over. I'm scared of getting a boyfriend and I'm afraid of what he'll think of me when he notices that my eyes always divert to little boys and I stutter when I they talk to me.

I don't know what to do. I'm scared, and I can't go anywhere. VirPed kicked me out.

I'm not eating well.

I used to feel instantly guilty about just being around little girls, but now I absolutely love it, just hearing their voices and seeing their little faces is an amazing gift, I even had a little girl who was maybe 9 wave at me today, see my confusion and wave at me again, set up the day most beautifully indeed.

I am an exclusive pedophile and there is not a day that goes by where I am not struggling with my feelings towards children. My primary victims have been young boys and I have also been with young girls as well. Life in prison totally changed my outlook on my life and dealing with my pedophilia. I know that I will die a pedophile and I have accepted this and I am okay with being that way but its how we all handle ourselves around children that will prove to the non pedophiles that we are all not evil monsters.

I am an evil monster because I have done things with children that have been very heinous but I do regret the actions that I have acted on.