I'm like..a reverse pedophile? Let me explain..

Ever since I was little I really liked making older boys attracted to me. I enjoyed making them nervous, and would do little things on purpose to see them blush or make them uncomfortable because they knew I was too young for them.

Now I still have that sort of thing, I'm into ageplay and I like acting younger..it isn't too hard to do considering I have a very small frame and girlish features and a high pitched voice. I recently turned 19 so nowadays no one will get in trouble if I come on to them, but I wonder why I've always been this way?

I think maybe its me taking the sexual abuse I had when I was really little and turning it into something I could control. Knowing that it was a bad thing for boys to touch/flirt with young girls, I decided to tease the older boys I had crushes on (I'm talking 17-20 year olds when I was 9-12, which then developed into teasing male teachers and anyone I could, really)

But..is this common? Why have I always been like this? Why do I sometimes feel nervous about my body and other times want to look as cutesy and young as I can, simply to make people have that guilty sort of attraction to me? It's not just about being mean to them either. I want it...I like feeling cute, I like feeling like I'm mentally "younger" than other girls. I always wanted that sort of forbidden relationship with someone older than me, I always liked the age gap sort of thing..

Anyone else understand?

That's hot.

I try very hard to steer clear of those girls. o_O

aHA oh gosh I didn't expect that >//w//>

What's weird is like...I've never met anyone else like this, or at least no one who's been this way since childhood.

My friends used to jokingly call me a black widow when I told them I did (well...do, my partner is 5 years older than me and he was veeeeryy happy I had just turned 18 when I suggested things to him) these sort of things.

Like..I used to be teased for being small breasted and a late bloomer, being short and tiny and whatnot, but now I actually like it. Partly because people think I'm cute now, partly because I can still go trick-or-treating and no one says a word. Winwin! still wish I wasnt the only one who does this, so far it seems I am :3c

Lol. Too bad such a quality only works well in women and not in men. Really. I mean, if I couldn't be with somebody as young as I'd want, then I'd at least be with somebody I could feel free to directly "play with" without limitations in any sense. Because, even being 19 I really feel inside me like a 10 years old, and I also look physically very childish as well, but for all girls my age I have met it's too odd or even "gay" like, so I have to spend all the time alone and denied to love. But I'm not a white dove either, I'm still a pedophile, and sometimes maybe its this what really feel some sort of maybe sick "pleasure to be evil and have this kind of evil thoughts", even because it collides with that "I'd never want to take approach of others" concept I have as well. I'm like both a pedophile and reverse pedophile, but all I want is fully mutual equality.

Too bad it's so hard to meet people like this. Right now I'm just always the least luckier <_<.
I'm DYIING for a goat of love, but being like this, on me, instead feels like a curse that only makes of myself a disgusting person.

RainbowKid wrote:I'm DYIING for a goat of love

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!1

No offense to you or the zoophiles, I just thought that line was golden.

Hahah!!! XD, why?

Oh boy, I've known of other girls who were like this, mostly teenagers.

I sometimes feel like little girls unknowingly act more seductive then they mean to, and I get nervous around little girls enough as it is. The knowledge that there are little girls out there who purposely flirt with older men and perhaps even want them is difficult to deal with because it seems to run contrary to the common wisdom that children aren't interested in sexual/romantic relationships with adults.

That doesn't mean I'm going to go look for a prepubescent girlfriend right now. I know that the situation is more complicated than that. All I am saying is that it would be very sad for me to be in a situation where there is mutual romantic interest with someone and I couldn't do anything about it.

I have read of that behavior being called autopedophilia.

I

sprooglestrewft wrote:The knowledge that there are little girls out there who purposely flirt with older men and perhaps even want them is difficult to deal with because it seems to run contrary to the common wisdom that children aren't interested in sexual/romantic relationships with adults.

Yeah, I get that. I was a kid that was exposed to sexual things very early (found my stepdad's porn magazines, other girls taught me how to masturbate, walked in on my parents a few times) and so I think in a way I started to understand everything a lot earlier. Most people will say "oh you didn't REALLY understand!" but..I think I did? When I did things, I did them with the full knowledge that what I was doing might lead to me being touched or whatever.

I was very calculating about it from a very young age. I'd basically have this charm meter, so while with a guy I had a crush on I'd be more forward about it and do things like...accidentally trip so he could see my panties, or squirm a little if I was in his lap. With others, I'd simply just act cute and play or talk with them.

All of this has confused me a lot when it comes to the subject of pedophilia. Because...I'm not really supposed to exist? I'm the complete opposite of the typical girl portrayed by society. I can't tell if I would ever be the one to get in trouble because of this, maybe I would because I DO like the age-gap thing.

I mean it would have angered me intensely if any of the people I had "on-the-edge" relationships with got in trouble for it. I'd have spoken up immediately and said if anyone needed to be punished it'd be me, I was the one being devious on purpose and I was the one initiating things.

I suppose I do believe that once you enter teenage years, you can make your own decisions when it comes to relationships. I always hated the idea that someone I had a crush on would get in trouble with the LAW because of my age.

I still don't know if this...autopedophilia(?) was caused by something or if I just learned real early and knew what I wanted and went for it, yknow? I've always had an attraction to the taboo..

Still, I do feel a little bit bad for being such a tease now. Now that I've passed the point where I'm "allowed" legally to do these things I think it was rather mean of me to be so suggestive to those guys when I was younger, on several occasions I got really close to them giving in, but bless their souls they never did.

Ghost - your history and mine are very similar, and we turned out somewhat similar. I too was sexually exploited as a young girl. In my case it was by my 28 year old uncle when I was 9. But unlike you, I shy away from the word "abused" because I was undoubtedly a willing participant. As pointed out in this thread, young girls have a natural propensity to act "seductive" when it gets them some kind of reward. In my case the reward was my uncle's attention. I allowed (and even promoted) his "need" for me not because I wanted sex (I didn't) but because it got me the attention I craved. Intercourse was just a necessary byproduct, in my view.

As I grew into an adult, my attitudes and fantasies concerning sex always involved my sexual "power" as a child. In every sexual fantasy I have as an adult, I am either a child or mistaken for a child. This is the nature of what's called "autopedophilia". Obviously at age 55 I cannot live out these fantasies for real, but I found activities that seem to somehow address the same part of my sexual brain that generates the autopedophilia cravings. These activities involve being "exploited" by groups of men in adult theaters.

I assume there are women with autopedophilia who have not been sexually exploited (or abused) as children, but my guess is that this is probably very rare. Over the years I've come to know a few women with a hankering for adult theater sex, and virtually all of them were sexually active children ... and have an autopedophilia fetish to varying degrees. This leads me to a theory that the craving for the kind of sex that goes on in an adult theater is generated by the same circuitry in the brain that controls the autopedophilia fetish. This makes me wonder what other "pairs of perversions" are interchangeable.